Courage is all about facing our fears and challenges with determination. One of the biggest challenges we all face is going outside our comfort zone, trying something new or pushing past what we believe we are able to do. It is very easy for us, especially adults, to get comfortable with what we are doing, and when faced with the opportunity to try something new – we may be intrigued – but not enough to give it full effort.
I love this quote – “The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.” When we challenge ourselves we will find ourselves becoming better, more informed and more accomplished than we can even imagine. Setting this example for our children and students is part of our responsibility to them. We certainly do not want to see them going through life practicing mediocrity.
When we are scared all kinds of things happen to our body and mind. Our teeth may get clinched, shoulders raised, wobbly voice or a very quiet one. The look on our face changes and our heart begins to beat in a pattern that we feel it every time. If we are scared by something startling us it may feel like all the blood is rushing out of our bodies. Being scared affects everyone a little different, but I am sure you can identify what happens to you.
So when we have a child, what scares them may not seems so scary for us, but this is an opportunity to teach a couple of things. First recognize the feelings that the child is having and help them to see you empathize with them, without validating that they should be afraid in this situation, unless it is an unsafe situation. When they see us empathize, later they will be able to use this skill with others.
Then if the situation or the ‘scary thing’ really is safe, we want to reassure them that we are there for them and that that this is safe and it would be OK for them to try. You may want to demonstrate for them, or be with them as they try. The child needs to know that you believe it is safe and it is OK to try. Once they have given it a try, praise them for their courage and explain that with courage we will accomplish things that we may otherwise pass by and miss the experience.
When we are scared, all of us have individual reactions. For some it may be that our hands get clinched into a fist, or it is our breathing that changes. It could be visible in our face or voice. Then there will be where we feel it inside our bodies. Is it in your chest, legs, shoulders or do your eyes get closed and you turn away.
What is interesting is that being brave or showing courage has a physiology too. When we are brave we stand tall, shoulders are back, chin is up and eyes are looking straight ahead and our voice is strong. The thoughts going through our head are more clear and not racing.
How do you act when you are scared? How do you feel when you are showing courage and being brave? The simple act of changing our physiology can affect how we are thinking and feeling. Helping our children see that when we let them know that a situation or activity is safe, they can change their physical bodies and feel brave. This will be followed by them being brave and having the courage to do what may have been scary to them.
This month we have defined courage as the willingness to face fears and challenges with determination. Now while some may believe that courage is not having any fear, the fact is that those with courage probably are just as scared, nervous or worried as others, they just do not let that get in the way of going after their goals.
Fear is always relative to experience and the stories we tell ourselves. If I tell myself a big enough story about ferris wheels I may not be willing to try to get on that ride at a carnival. If I tell myself that speaking to a group of people may result in me embarrassing myself, my fear may prevent me from taking that risk. But when we look at history many who would not have initially have appeared to be strong, were in fact willing to get past their fears and make stands for what was right and to make decisions that later affected generations of individuals.
Learning how to demonstrate courage, how to calm ourselves down so we can make courageous decisions and act in courageous ways is what we will be talking to our students about this week.
Here is a photo of courage. This student of Balanced Life Skills does have a fear of heights and was able to conquer the high ropes course during the day of endurance for her black belt test.
If you would like to see how we will talk about COURAGE with our students please follow our discussions here during the month of March or come in and TRY A CLASS.
Our children are met with so many confusing messages for them and keeping secrets is one of them. We want our children to know how to keep a secret, how to be loyal to a friend who has entrusted them with a personal thought or feeling. At the same time as adults we know that they can be asked to keep things secret that they really need to talk to an adult about. It may be about one of their friends who is considering doing something that is not safe, fair or even lawful. Even more so, some adults may tell a child not to tell anyone about something that we know they should report to us, so we can keep them safe. Here are some questions we can teach our children to use to decide if they should keep the secret or if they should tell their mom and dad, teacher or principle, or some other trusted adult.
If the child is under the age of 5 we will give them two questions:
1. How does it feel? If it makes you feel happy – this is a secret you can and should keep. (like a surprise birthday party) If it makes you uncomfortable, if you get a funny feeling inside your stomach and you don’t think it is a good idea or is right – then you must tell an adult. If you are not sure it is always OK to tell an adult.
2. Will it hurt someone? Explain to your child that if the secret they have been asked to keep may hurt someone or someone may get hurt if they do what they say they are going to do, then they need to tell an adult.
If your child is 5 or 6 years old teach them questions one and two and then add this question to their decision making process.
3. Will I be proud of the choice I made? This is a great question for anyone to consider in making any decision. How will I feel if someone gets hurt? If I don’t tell, will I be proud of myself?
If your child is 7 or older teach them all of the above questions and then add this question to their decision making process.
4. Am I reporting to get help or to get someone in trouble? No child wants to get labeled as untrustworthy or not loyal to keeping a secret. They also do not want to be called a tattle-tale. So they need to consider why they are telling. Do they see that if they don’t tell, someone might get hurt or that something is being done that is wrong? They must feel comfortable in asking for help and being able to tell the difference in – just trying to get someone in trouble or getting help in solving a bad situation.
Parents: Children should never keep secrets about touching. If you are interested in how to talk to your children about ‘good touch / bad touch’ , Balanced Life Skills would be happy to present a workshop for parents on this subject. I know this seems hard to do. But we will break it down for you to make it easier. Just contact us for more information.
