Posted on

Martial Realism

This past week my class had a sparring session. These sessions take their toll– we spend the rest of the week dealing with the damage we’ve inflicted on each other. Personally, I had a bit of a headache from all the blows I didn’t quite block or dodge, and I sprained something in my hand in a bad punch, and a few other minor complaints. But the week of training reaffirmed my belief about the nature of martial arts in today’s world.

I personally fought two three minute rounds. I spent three and a half hours in a more-violent-than-usual environment, watching my classmate spar each other. That is a tiny fraction of my week, and an infinitely tinier fraction of my life. Someone who doesn’t train as I do might have an even smaller fraction of violence in their life. I think this ratio, violent life versus the rest of life, shows where our training priorities as martial artists should lie.

There are many martial artists that I have met who allow their training to interfere with their perspective on life. They spend so much time thinking about what happens in that tiny violent fraction that, first in their perception and then sometimes in their reality, that violent fraction swells. Violence fills their subjective reality, even if their objective reality is peaceful.

The day after we sparred, we got called away from the school to work on a silly performance thing (talk about a distasteful fraction of my life ;-p). But in the performance we were working with little 8-10 year olds. These kids were high-energy, full of curiosity about foreigners and eager to show off their elementary English and kungfu. Really, they were awesome. But with my head aching and my hand tender, and my annoyance at having to do the performance at all, I was immensely impatient with the little boys and girls. I couldn’t enjoy their exuberance at all.

But those kids represent reality. The 99.99% of my time that is not violent is about carrying on, connecting with people and together enjoying and celebrating life. So the most important part of my martial training is the discipline, emotional control, and inner balance that lets me put pain behind me and live a full life. And these skills apply to all kinds of situations– emotional pain, accidents, sickness, death–things that real life is full of far more than real life is full of violent physical confrontation.

Of course, some people face real violence on a day-to-day basis, something I truly know nothing about. But for those who, like me, train ourselves despite having been blessed with a peaceful life, we need to remember where the real treasure of the rich practice of martial arts truly lies.

Posted on

Wounded Warrior Project event

I want give a BIG THANK YOU to all of the families who contributed to my run in the Tough Mudder this past Saturday — Over $500 all together! Not only did you show your support to me, but you donated to a fantastic cause called the Wounded Warrior Project. This project ‘s mission is to reintegrate injured soldiers into society through therapy, treatment plans, and the provision of medical equipment. A person’s service to our country is a huge sacrifice – those deployed give up their family, a lot of their freedoms, and sometimes their lives – to ensure that we have ours. Thanks to all of our service members (police, firefighters, military members, and more) for all that you do!

So let me tell you: 11 miles through the mud, obstacles, and a severe thunderstorm was… Tough! Crossing the finish line was only possible with the use of  Teamwork, Courage, and Discipline — All characteristics that have been discussed at BLS as Word of the Month.

Teamwork is integral to the very foundation of the Tough Mudder course. “Teamwork and camaraderie before my course time” and “I help my fellow mudders complete the course” are some of the phrases pledged before and throughout the course of the race. The Mud Mile was an obstacle of a dozen steep slopes of muddy clay separated by deep trenches of muddy, clay water. It takes teamwork between all participants to push and pull one another over the slippery slopes to continue trudging through the mud. At the end of the 10th mile when you think all of your energy is spent, the Everest obstacle requires you to sprint with no hesitation up a quarter pipe ramp then leap upwards with all of your strength, and at the last second grasp hands with another mudder who pulls until you’re able to clamber over the edge. It really takes everyone working together to cross that finish line.

During the competition, I witnessed amazing displays of courage by some of the participants. It is a common understanding that the Tough Mudder is “not a race, but a challenge” and mudders commit to “overcome all fears.” Samantha, a teammate of mine, took a leap of faith plunging 20 feet down into cold and muddy water below. Although she has faced bigger challenges before, it always takes a renewed sense of determination to overcome a fear. Seeing so many injured soldiers participate was truly inspirational! The most courageous act I saw was from a fellow competitor making his way through the course on two prosthetic legs that he acquired after a deployment over seas. I struggled to keep my legs moving — I cannot fathom the internal strength and determination it took for that man to overcome those challenges.

All 24,000 Mid-Atlantic runners (a record registration number!) showed a great amount of discipline. It takes a lot of mental grit to complete that race. The promise of Tough Mudder sponsor merchandise and hot food at the finish line does not motive a person enough to push through 11 miles of rain and mud going over, under, and through a series of 16 obstacles (5 got closed down). As so eloquently relayed on signs posted along the path, Mudders “do not whine…” It takes a great deal of mental and physical discipline for each person to push themselves to the finish line – I watched my dad limp through over 8 miles on a bad knee without a word of complaint and smile on his face at each obstacle to overcome. That type of discipline is a commitment to yourself, which gives you the strength to is push a bit further. Internal discipline is putting mind of over matter, so you get done whatever it is you need to do.

Anyone who is interested in testing out their teamwork, courage, and discipline should consider registering for the Tough Mudder on April 20 & 21, 2013! Our military men and women serve, protect, and sacrifice for us; what are you willing to do to give back?

 

Posted on

Laugh Live & Listen blog post

The following link and post about Suicide Prevention Day was given to me by one of our students.  I found it to be powerful and insightful.  I was moved by the simple somewhat seemingly inconsequential events that can pile up on a young person that might make them feel like it would be difficult to keeping going forward.  Most important though I am pleased that this young person and our student both are thinking about themselves and others and are willing to share their thoughts.  Here is the first couple of lines in the post and the link to see the rest of the story:

“In case you don’t know, today is Suicide Awareness day. OVER A MILLION PEOPLE ATTEMPT SUICIDE EVERY YEAR. A GOOD PORTION SUCCEED. Suicide is one topic that I feel very strong about, and here’s why: Last year, when I was in 7th grade, I was having a really rough time. I was getting picked on at school, from people who thought it was funny,…”

The link to Laugh Live Listen blog post is here:  Laugh. Live. Listen.

Most important though is giving ourselves the knowledge of suicide prevention.  October 13 we will host a training at Balanced Life Skills.  Please register for this FREE training.  You may be able to save a life.

Posted on

World Suicide Prevention Day

 

Today, September 10, 2012 is World Suicide Prevention Day.  While this is still a difficult conversation to be had for many individuals, it is true that each one of us can take part in both primary and secondary prevention.  With over 33,000 individuals completing suicide each year in the United States alone, and the affects touching the lives of dozens for each of those completions, our help in prevention is required.

The first step and primary prevention of suicide requires that we promote physical and mental health in our community in general and continue to educate and talk about mental health issues.  Our goal is to reduce the stigmatization of mental illness and suicide, while encouraging seeking help for mental health issues.  We can do this with our conversations both public and private and education campaigns.

The second step or secondary prevention is the identification of mental health issues, suicidal ideation in individuals who are in our community.   Both professionals and individuals in the community who come in contact with those who are under stress can be trained to recognize when there may be signs that the individual is in need of help and then able to refer them to appropriate facilities.  Such individuals include you and I, if we will take just 60 – 90 minutes to be trained as “gatekeepers“.

Finally the third level of prevention is aimed at preventing relapses of suicidal behavior and the care, support and treatment of those impacted by suicide.

Take a moment today and think about how you may be willing to be part of an effort to save the life of one person.  Join us in our efforts to educate our community in being gatekeepers, by recognizing the risk and facilitating getting professional help.

Posted on

Discipline

We had a lecture on discipline this week from Master, which dovetails nicely with my own recent reflections. While I was in Hunan teaching that summer program for kids, the effort of trying to get them to rise to an acceptable discipline level had me thinking about how discipline is taught. I think it is a great mystery to me still, but I am starting to get a few ideas.

There are, of course, two kinds of discipline: external discipline and internal discipline. External discipline is when someone else is yelling at you and punishing you when fail to meet expectations. China in general, and our kungfu school in particular, is a great place for external discipline. When one steps out of line, there are shouts, lectures, and ultimately a cane to put one back on course.

Internal discipline is the real prize, however. It is self-discipline, self-control that lets one do what one needs to do when no one is there to motivate you. This is what a human being needs to live well, and this is what we train kungfu to find. It is the superior kind of discipline; a self-disciplined individual thrives even in an external-discipline environment, but an externally disciplined individual withers without their discipliners.

I have come to believe that we in the West misunderstand the role that external discipline plays in developing internal discipline. It is logical that if one is always externally disciplined, one never develops the responsibility to be self-disciplined. This is certainly true. But I think this leads people to try to teach self-discipline with a kind of sink-or-swim approach. We throw ourselves, our students, and our children into deep water, trusting to instinct or chance to teach them the right self-reliance. If they sink, we drag them out, but just chuck them back in the deep water at the next opportunity. Without incredible luck, failure cycles downward into more failure, and discipline is lost altogether.

I feel that external discipline is like the shallow end of the pool. It’s true you will never truly learn to swim if you never leave the shallows, but there are valuable lessons to be learned there: comfort in the water being foremost, but also coordination. In terms of discipline, comfort in the water is just confidence and an understanding of the benefits of discipline.

Coordination means fidelity between the part of your mind giving commands and the part carrying them out. This is critical. When I first came to Wudang, getting up at 5:00 AM was a huge challenge. I would tell myself to get up, but the part of me receiving the command didn’t believe it would happen, and this lack of faith made self-discipline impossible. I didn’t believe I would do what I told myself to do. So I would be late for training. Punishment pushups and the humiliation of being punished are not fun at 5:15AM, and after a while I learned to get up on time if only to avoid them. But in that process, my lower mind began to believe that it would do what my upper mind told it, and this was an important step for me.

So I have come to believe that teaching self-discipline needs external discipline. Opportunities for self-reliance must be given, but the time in between must be used to practice the coordination that makes success possible.

Posted on

Student Shot at Perry Hall HS – Reminder that we must not ignore bullying

The school year has started and on the first day of the year we have a shooting at a school, with an individual who had allegedly been the target of bullying, taking matters into their own hands, found a gun and shot randomly.   Before you say, Oh that happened in a city school and would not happen with my school let me remind you that it was just 8 days after Columbine that in Canada another shooting took place and 8 individuals were shot.  Many of the parents there also said, This could not happen in Canada – and it did.

This past summer I taught three classes at Anne Arundel Community College for teachers on “Creating a Culture of Peace in the Classroom”. This school year I want to educate the entire community by reaching out to parents on the same topic of Bully Prevention. Each month I am offering a free “Bully Prevention Seminar for Parents” that  will cover the following subjects:

What is bullying?

What are the effects of bullying on all the parties involved?

Why children do not tell?

Six things every child must learn and how to teach them

What to do if your child is the target of bullying.

What to do if your child is the bully.

What to do if your child is a follower.

Have you ever wondered why some schools with the same programs and rules in place have a culture of kindness and others do not?  The Bully Prevention Seminar for Parents will answer this question, and many more.  If you are not able to attend one of the prescheduled seminars and would like to arrange for a different time or location, please feel free to contact us and we will work on making those arrangements.  The first free seminar will be at 9:15 AM on September the 4th at Balanced Life Skills in Annapolis, MD.

Every child deserves to feel safe in school, and it is our responsibility to work together as a team.  Parents, teachers, and the community working to build a culture of peace in the schools.