Posted on

Balanced Life Skills 10th Anniversary

Balanced Life Skills 10th Anniversary celebrated with Mr. Tony’s First Degree Test

Tony 4024 smallOn Friday October 25, Balanced Life Skills hosted Mr. Tony for his First Degree Belt Test. It was a great evening and we will be posting some of the video from the test at later dates. In addition though I was surprised by another celebration that I was not aware was taking place.

Ms. Ariel and others got together and created a picture book depicting our last 10 years of Balanced Life Skills. On November 3, 2003 – Balanced Life Skills was born. It’s start was in a very small room shared with stationary bikes. Each day the mats were placed and picked up. At the beginning there were just a couple of students in each class. We have grown from there to our present location on Gibralter Avenue.

The goal and mission of Balanced Life Skills has always been to provide great training in the martial arts, and to supplement that with character building and community service. While physical self defense is an important confidence builder, it certainly is not the only kind of defense we must be able to display. In fact very few of us will be attacked by someone we do not know physically – but virtually all of us will be threatened with conflict with others, anger issues or an issue with our diet. All of this kind of education is SELF DEFENSE.

This year we are announcing the forming of Balanced Life Skills Way. This will be online curriculum, personal workshops, personal coaching in all kinds of subjects that make up a way of living. Primarily they will be for parents and children / young adults. They will include subjects ranging from anger management to time management. They will help young people learn to write resumes and be interviewed for college or a job. In the next few years I see this program having an impact on all of those that take part. We talk about and train these skills in our classes – but now is time to make them available to others.

Thank you to everyone that has made Balanced Life Skills the school it is today and we look forward to more collaboration of experts helping us cultivate compassion, awareness and respect in every child and family resulting in well rounded Community Ambassadors.

Posted on

What Triggers Anger?

lighting_the_fuseAnger is neither only a good or bad thing. Anger can be good in that it tells us that something is not right or that there is a danger to ourselves in some manner. Our own very base instincts are then activated and we decide in a split second to fight, to run away or we freeze. In the world we live in today those dangerous things are no longer wild animals, but beneath our anger is a sense that something is being threatened or invalidated in some manner. It may be our values or a belief that is very core to us or it may be a goal we have.

The negative core beliefs we have are very deep inside of us. We do not want others to see or know them about ourselves and we have learned to hide them or even deny them. They could be that “we are stupid”, “not worthy”, “a bad person” or many other things. The problem really arises when we see these things in others and we will react to them. Here is an example:

Deep inside we may feel that “people don’t really trust me” and then the other side of that is “I don’t trust other people and am not to be trusted”. Lets give another easy to grasp example. Have you ever known someone who had to control everything and everyone? Many times we may also notice that they do not really have themselves or their life under control. Even if you did not see this it is most likely true.

That is one of the ways that anger is triggered in us. Discovering what triggers our anger is a beginning to managing our anger and even helping our children to manage theirs. Our coaching program can help with identifying these triggers.

Posted on

Focus On Others Is Empathy

Respect, Empathy, Self-Control
Respect, Empathy, Self-Control

While we have spent a considerable amount of time discussing the needs we individually have to focus on our goals, to use focus to get our work done, and learning how to put distractions aside – today I would like to think about the need to focus on others. It is important that we focus on ourselves but there is also a need to consider the feelings, needs and requirements that others have.

Can you imagine being a parent that put their interests first, even before their children?  Or to work for a employer who was not able to appreciate the needs of an employee who had a family member who was sick? Understanding that we are all inter -related, that my actions affect others in my circle of influence, even affecting those that we may never meet or know that we are affecting.

Here is an example. If I own a business that pollutes the water, I will be effecting many others down stream of my business. On a more personal note, there are studies that say that if every American chose to skip eating meat one time per week, there would be enough grain to feed the entire world. If we focused on others by being aware that they may have circumstances or events taking place in their life that we do not know about, may change the way we react to them if they were short with us in conversation.

Focus on others is really just another way of say, . When a new student comes into your classroom or our school – ask yourself, “What would I want others to do to make me feel more wanted or valued? How can I make this person feel more welcomed?” If you are a child that sees someone being picked on, “What would help make them feel better, right at this moment and can I provide this for them?”

Focus on others is Empathy.

Posted on

Distractions That Keep Us From Achieving Our Goals

fear-pano_12224Losing our focus on our goals can not only be frustrating, it can put our goals out of reach and even worse, our lack of focus can become a habit. There is an interesting quote from Will Durant that says, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”

Losing focus on our goal or our assignment that we are working on can happen with simple things that get in the way. We may get distracted checking email, text messages, social media, watching a video or going off on a wild search on a search engine. When we allow ourselves to get constantly distracted by outside happenings, it can become a habit or a way of doing things.

When we set a goal for ourselves to accomplish a certain task we may need to use several focusing techniques. We may create a list, prioritize, set a timer, take a few deep breaths – what ever we need to do to stay on task.  If we lack focus we are less likely to accomplish what we want most to accomplish and really get frustrated.

At that point we may want to ask ourselves if there are other issues that we need to look at.  – fear of failure, success, someone getting angry with us? Are we angry about an unresolved issue? Do we need to look deeply at our life so we can get focused on our greatest dreams and cares?

Focusing on our goals will bring accomplishments and failure to do so will create consequences that will not feel so good.

Posted on

Personal Conflict – Which Need Is Not Being Met?

iStock_000011809770Small-390x259In every personal conflict, with children or adults, it always comes down to at least one if not both of the parties  not getting one of their basic needs met.  If you are a parent you know that it is far more likely for a young child to be cranky and difficult if they are tired or hungry. In effect they are saying, “I need to sleep or eat now!”.  That really is not just a child thing either. My wife says to me, “are you getting hungry?”, when I start getting cranky. She sees it many times prior to me being aware of it happening.

However there are other needs that are not as simple to identify in times of conflict that may be triggering our angry behaviors. Every human has the need for certainty in their life. If we are unsure of what is happening or how things will turn out, for some this will trigger angry behavior. At the same time all of us have a need for uncertainty, meaning we need variety in our life. If we do not get that need met, we will feel bored and life will be monotonous. When some get bored they may get angry.

Another need that every human has is the need for love and connection. If we feel we are not being loved or our connections are not as strong as we desire, our behavior will reflect this need not being met. Everyone also has a need to feel significant and we will find a way to get this need met either in a healthy or unhealthy way. In fact all of these needs will be met either in a healthy or unhealthy way. When they are not being met – they can trigger in us anger, anxiety, depression and all other sorts of emotional reactions.

When we find ourselves in a conflict we will want to ask ourselves, what need do I have that is not being met? We also want to consider the other person too, what need do they have that is not being met? Each person is unique in their needs. One person may crave certainty more than uncertainty and it will show itself in them with more anxiety. There are two more needs that every human has and learning about all of them is key to managing our own emotional health.

At Balanced Life Skills we believe that working on our whole self is key to a balanced life, for ourselves and our children. We are prepared to help parents and children to find this peace in their life.