Anger is neither only a good or bad thing. Anger can be good in that it tells us that something is not right or that there is a danger to ourselves in some manner. Our own very base instincts are then activated and we decide in a split second to fight, to run away or we freeze. In the world we live in today those dangerous things are no longer wild animals, but beneath our anger is a sense that something is being threatened or invalidated in some manner. It may be our values or a belief that is very core to us or it may be a goal we have.
The negative core beliefs we have are very deep inside of us. We do not want others to see or know them about ourselves and we have learned to hide them or even deny them. They could be that “we are stupid”, “not worthy”, “a bad person” or many other things. The problem really arises when we see these things in others and we will react to them. Here is an example:
Deep inside we may feel that “people don’t really trust me” and then the other side of that is “I don’t trust other people and am not to be trusted”. Lets give another easy to grasp example. Have you ever known someone who had to control everything and everyone? Many times we may also notice that they do not really have themselves or their life under control. Even if you did not see this it is most likely true.
That is one of the ways that anger is triggered in us. Discovering what triggers our anger is a beginning to managing our anger and even helping our children to manage theirs. Our coaching program can help with identifying these triggers.