Tag: self reliance

We have spoken this month about how proud we are of our efforts and accomplishment when we do something on our own for the first time.  Whether we are a child or an adult, when we have made the time and put in the effort to learn a new skill, and then show we can do it on our own, it is reason for celebration.

But the next level of self reliance is even more important.  The highest level of self reliance is practicing our new skill or doing what we have learned, without someone having to tell us to do so.  In the case of children, we see them work very hard to learn to make their bed or brush their teeth, but after some time of doing this skill they may slack off when the praise and novelty wears off.  Now they have to be told, Make your bed, brush your teeth, pick up your toys, get dressed for school, etc…

The ultimate level of self reliance is not just being able to perform an act, but to practice it on your own without having to be reminded, asked, or begged to do what you already know how to do.  This is not just a child’s quality that needs to be developed.  When preparing this month for this word, I thought about how many things that I put off, do not practice or ask others to do – that I know perfectly well how to do and should be doing.  This month I have been working at developing my own self reliance and trying to make it at the higher level – not waiting for someone to ask me,but rather just doing it.  Talk to your children and yourself about this higher level of self reliance.  It is a good reminder for us and them, and will be pleasing to our spouses and work partners.

How many times do you think we need to try something before you give up? We have all known some who give up after just one try and others who will try 10 times, 100 times or more, being diligent about doing the task at hand. There is a book on mastery that studied many different fields of skill and the studies show that for a person to master anything to the highest level – it takes 10,000 times.

When I received my new kata / form in tae kwon do – our instructor said that we will not know the form until it has been performed 1,000 times. I believe that to be true. But sometimes as we are trying to learn something we can get frustrated and feel like giving up – but really that is the time to try again and it may be the time to ask for additional help.

When we ask for help we are not asking someone to do the task for us. We are asking them to share their experience with us. What did they find helpful, what mistakes did they make and how did they overcome them? If we are having trouble in one area or another, it may call on us to approach different people to gather as much knowledge as possible – so we can be self reliant.

If we are a child, our most important resource is and should be our parents, though we can also call on our teachers and sometimes even our friends in seeking this knowledge. But in the end we have to perform ourselves, it is our homework, our chore, our goal no matter our age. We should ask for help only when we need it.

There are a number of ways that we as parents can help our children grow in their self reliance.

• Parents can be their greatest cheerleaders’
• Parents can schedule practice time on skills the kids are learning
• Parents can encourage children to try things on their own
• Parents can teach children how to cheer themselves on their own.

Being our child’s cheerleader comes pretty naturally for parents. We are very proud to see them try something new, put forth the effort in that endeavor or skill, and be successful.  When they are trying something new, encouraging them that you have faith in them, builds their will to keep trying.

Practicing their new skills can also help to create self reliance in our children.  How do we get them to practice though without it becoming our burden as a parent?  Setting aside a scheduled time that is Continue reading “4 Ways Parents Can Build Self Reliance in Their Children”

As our children get older they have the ability to do more and more on their own.  As parents we need to allow them to take on those responsibilities even if we could do the job better or faster ourselves. We want our children to strengthen the muscles of decision making, judging what is good and bad for them.

When children start making choices in what is right and wrong, healthy or not healthy, safe or not safe, fair or not fair – they do so under our guidance.  But getting them to the point where they are thinking through these choices, weighing the pros and cons, teaches them to learn to rely on themselves.

It may start at home with what is a healthy snack or who and how to include others in games that they are playing.  Later they will judge whether to cheat or to be honest on a test, and how and when to stand up for someone who is not being treated fairly.

Helping them to learn to judge things from their own knowledge and conscious is so much more rewarding for them and you as a parent – as you watch them making decisions from a place inside of themselves and not from you as a parent telling them what to do from the outside.

During the month of September we are going to discuss the concept of self reliance in regard to our children.  As parents we know that we want our children to grow up and be able to think for themselves, not be afraid to try new things, to practice new things with diligence and not give up when it does not come quickly to us.  Yet learning to balance that with not expecting too much for the age of the child can sometimes be challenging.

One additional challenge that comes for parents is allowing their child to try and fail more than one time, while we encourage increased effort and not just step in and do the project or task for them.  Yes we may be able to do the task better and faster, but for our children to learn self reliance they must be allowed to try and try – fail and fail, and with patience and practice to succeed.  

In a study done recently out of Harvard a comparison was done between what was emphasized in parenting from two different cultures.  One culture was Americans and the other was from the Asian country’s of Taiwan, S. Korea and Japan.  It was found that the Asian culture emphasized effort and self reliance in reaching goals, whereas the American culture emphasized “the goal”.  Self reliance is better learned by all of us by putting forth the effort, persevering, allowing for failures and triumphing as we develop our skills.

Is that hard to do?  Yes.  Is it hard to watch our children struggle with it? Yes.  Is it worth the end results? Yes.  That is if we want our children to grow up not feeling entitled to someone else coming in and ‘fixing’ everything for them instead of them learning and earning it.  This month we will be focused on helping both children and parents work on self reliance, gaining trust, responsibility and confidence in ourselves.