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Fairness: Doing our fair share

If saying please and thank you are the first manners that parents teach their children, then sharing is very close to the top of the list also.  When we share it makes things fair for everyone involved and it is a way of developing relationships.  As our young children learn about sharing, there will be times when it is easier than other times, times when they want to and times when they would rather not.

One idea of sharing though that may be overlooked from time to time, is the idea of “doing our share”.   It is valuable for every child to feel like they are a part of the team / family.  Now if we worked on a team at school or at work and one person on the team had no responsibilities that person may not really feel that they were part of the team.  They had no role to play or actions to take.  They would be left out.

The same is true with our children.  It is important for them to be a part of the team and to share in the activities / chores that the team does.  Taking part on the team in this manner will teach them to share the responsibility for the work that needs to be done, their part in chores and a sense of belonging to something bigger than just themselves.  Doing your fair share is very important for every family member.

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Five Element Qigong class

I would like to introduce the Balanced Life Skills community to Corey Hopp.  Corey has been living in China for the past year and a half studying Wudang Daoist Kung Fu.  He is preparing to return to China at the end of March, but in the mean time has offered our school the special opportunity to learn about Qigong (chee-gong)  a healing art including deep breathing and meditation.

On the website linked here, Corey is the 9th student from the left.  It is very cool to have a visiting instructor and we would like to invite any of the parents and others to come in during at the times listed HERE to for a demonstration class during the week of February 14th at no cost.  Starting the week of February 21, there will be a small charge for the classes that will last one month – prior to Corey returning to China at the end of March for more training.

This is a great opportunity to learn about this art and health form that I am sure everyone who takes part in will enjoy.

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Maintaining the trust of our children

A series of post's on leadership in the familyWe all know the importance of trust and integrity in our relationships.  There is no place where that is more important than in the relationship that we have with our family members and especially our children.   Warren Bennis  said in his book that integrity “is the one quality that cannot be acquired but must be earned.”

It is as Stephen Covey talks about, like a bank account.  We build it a little at a time by what we say and do.  We can make withdrawals too, by not living up to our word or doing what we say we are going to do.  Interestingly though, like in a construction project, it is easier to tear something down than it is to build it up.   In regard to our children, they come into the world trusting us to the fullest.  They depend on us for everything.   So we want to do everything possible to maintain that trust and belief in our integrity.

How do we maintain and build that relationship?  By saying what we mean and mean what you say – everyday.  Our position of leader of the family is based on our ability to be consistent with our word.   By not threatening an act you have no intention of following through on, by following through on every rule you have set and agreed to with your family, will allow you to grow the respect for each other in the family and set an example that others are willing to follow.

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How to build the confidence in our children

A series of post's on leadership in the familyIf you are the leader of a team you probably already know that there are 3 things that have a positive affect on those you are leading.  First if you give them attention,  affirmation and appreciation.  Doing those three things will result in your team responding in a positive manner.

The same is true with our children.  They need our attention and not just when they have done something that is against our rules.  They need for us to give them some undivided attention, showing them their value to us.  Then they need affirmation.  This step of affirming their worth and value, affirming what they are doing that meets the values of our family and catching them doing the right thing is so important to building their confidence.  Finally they need to know they are appreciated.  Appreciation is something that all of us like to feel from those that we love.  This appreciation or gratitude for being who we are and for being a part of this family will also go a long way in building the esteem of our children.

So there we have it.  If we want our children to respond positively to our love and discipline give them our attention, affirmation, and appreciation and they will do so.

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Self defense for girls: 10 simple lessons

It’s this simple:  Children defend themselves with their heads. It’s knowledge that protects children in today’s world. Knowledge about safety, about what to avoid, about what to do, where to go, and how to stay out of harm’s way.

I’m a part of a remarkable association of martial arts teachers, really forward thinking and action-oriented instructors, who come together almost every day to move worthwhile projects forward. The group is called The One Hundred, it’s headed by a 6th degree black belt named Tom Callos (www.tomcallos.com).

The One Hundred, all of us, work on things that are, literally, “good for the world.” Like we’re bringing diabetes education to martial arts schools and anger management training and environmental self-defense programs. This week we launched a very simple, but powerful website to help girls (young women) learn about a kind of self-defense made just for today’s world.

The site, still being added to and polished, is www.flavors.me/10Lessons. Check it out.

And if you know a young person who could use some self-defense instruction, send them our way. Tell us you visited our 10 Lessons site and we’ll give you 1-week of lessons, for free –and one thing you will NEVER get at a school in The One Hundred, is a “sales pitch.” We don’t sell over the counter, we sell by engaging in and delivering extraordinary work.

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Fairness: Losing and winning with good attitude

Some things are going to be equal and everyone should get the same amount, and other times things will be different and yet still fair.  Sometimes though fairness is determined by factors that we have a certain amount of control over.

If we are attempting to be a part of a team and there are limited positions on the team there will be choices made.  Who is chosen for the team may be based on factors like, talent, effort, desire, time commitment, or even attitude.  These would all be fair comparisons.  Those comparisons are one’s that we do have control over how much effort and time we put into an activity.

There will be times though that when all other factors are comparable it may come down to relationships.  This can seem to be very unfair, if we are on the losing side.  But even our children must learn that not everything is going to go there way and that even when things do not seem to be fair, we must maintain a good attitude and not demonstrate bad character if we do lose out on something that we really wanted.

Parents can help with this by demonstrating a caring  and understanding attitude for their child and not react in a vindictive manner.  Remember our child is watching us in everything we say and do and will imitate our actions later.