What is your goal for this year, this month or week? A goal is something that you want to achieve and one of the best ways of making that happen is to first be able to visualize it. We must be able to see ourselves reaching our goal, know what it is going to feel, smell, taste whatever the senses can bring to the visualization – if we are going to achieve.
As a child I may want to be able to take a test at school and not get overly anxious about it. To do so I would need to be able to see myself taking the test and getting the answers to the questions. I may even visualize not knowing the answer and just taking some deep breaths and moving on to the next problem, coming back to it when other parts are complete. Then I may see the paper coming back to me graded by the teacher with an A on it and a note that say “Great Job” . I would be smiling and very proud of my efforts and cannot wait to get home to show mom and dad.
Visualization works for everyone, from athletes to business persons and school children. It allows us to live the moment in a safe environment and to see the outcome. “When we can see it, we can believe it. When we can believe it, we can achieve it!”
Here we are at the beginning of the new year and like many individuals we shall reflect on the year and what sort of goals we would like to reach this year. For many it will be dealing with health, family, vacations, or business. I have talked before about one of my own goals in the community and that is, dealing with the subject of bullying for students in school.
Our word of the month in January is VISION and having a vision of what you want to accomplish and what it will look like when it is done is a major step in reaching your goal. So what does this vision look like?
I see students learning specifically what is a bully, how to use their words to deflect bullying, and I see students teaching younger students about the same. I also see our website as a wealth of information for teachers and parents and what they can do to intervene when these situations come up. I will be sharing resources that will educate and encourage all of us to meet this head on.
Can you picture in your mind our students having the courage to stand up to those that would pick on others or those that exclude others. It is a mindset that we can set the example for and help our students see the value in practicing. Our students can be heroes in their own school by stepping up to this challenge.
Our success in this goal, in our vision, is tied to our community working together. We know WHY we want to do this, it is for the safe education of our children and now we must work on the HOW by developing specific actions and deadlines. If you are interested in helping with defining this in our community please feel free to talk to me about this goal. If your child has ever been bullied you understand the importance of this goal.
Each month we define and discuss a word of character development with all of our students.
This month the word is Vision and will be defined this way.
Young students: Vision means: I can see my goals! (in my imagination)
Older students: Vision means to clearly imagine my goals as if I’ve already achieved them.
Here are the worksheets for our students:
Vision Tiger Tot worksheet Vision 5/6 worksheet Vision 7-12 worksheet Vision Adult / Teens worksheet
If you would like to see how we will deal with this subject with our students please follow our discussions here during the month of January or come in and try a class.
Here is the story of two individuals that were “friends”. Their story line goes like this:
When we first met it was like she saw into me soul, I could say anything and everything thing to her we just clicked and it was just amazing!
After some time she started becoming really negative and forceful, she made me feel bad for certain ways I would feel towards the friendship.
Then she would constantly put me down in front of others and shut down my thoughts so she would be the main point of my life and nothing else.
Then I started constantly feeling unworthy of her friendship.
In our conversations she would always tell me how much she liked the friendship of others, making me think that I was a second rate friend.
I stopped talking to her at one stage and she apologized for what she was doing, but then a few weeks later she started acting the same and would put all her problems on me and make me feel bad.
Have you ever experienced this happen in a friendship? Do you recognize yourself on either side of this description? When things like this starts to happen in a friendship it is not a good sign. In fact one of the parties is manipulating the other and this can lead to real damage being done. There are three different kind of manipulators, those who need to be needed, wants to be in charge or wants to be pitied and manipulates by appearing to be weak.
Anytime manipulation is involve some one gets hurt. Manipulation can be seen as early in life as in pre-school and the damage begins to take affect immediately. It can lead to the victims being bully victims later in school and eventually into being victims of abuse in dating or marriage. Here is a list of signs of manipulation or an abusive relationship. This may be in a boy / girl dating relationship, marriage or in a friendship at school, the principles are all the same.
Continue reading “Friendship: Manipulation is not acceptable”
We have noted previously that we are going to have differences in our relationships. They will range from likes and dislikes, to skills, food, holiday’s we might celebrate, and culture of families. While some like to use the word tolerance when dealing with differences, I prefer to think about the possibilities of ‘understanding’ the differences and then being able to accept, try and celebrate those differences.
If we take a simple example of one person who is talented in a skill, whether it is a sport, craft, writing, math or whatever it might be, how do we react to that? Rather than resent the skill they have that we may not have, it would be better to celebrate it with them and give them a “good job’.
Being open-minded about differences in food or culture, could we not embrace it and try it for ourselves, rather than reject it because it is not our norm. Have you ever tried foods from a different culture? Have you ever embraced a culture and tried things their way? If we do not understand what they do or why, would it not be better to ask about it and try to ‘understand’ it?
I once thought about writing a book of comparisons of cultures, religions, holidays, food and activities, because the more I read and experienced the similar I found that all of are. When approached with an open mind you will find that we have more things that are the same than we do differences. That results not just in friendship but in PEACE.
When it comes to our friends we rely on the fact or hope that our friends will be loyal. When we talk about loyally we really mean that we want to feel safe with that person, knowing that when we confide in them that our confidence will be kept and that when needed they will be there to stick up for us and when things get tough they will be there for us.
But with children we need to teach both sides of loyalty. Children need to know that keeping a secret is part of loyalty unless the person is planning to do something dangerous or unfair to himself or another person. So how do we teach that, what are the rules that they can follow to keep everyone safe.
The question we are teaching our students to ask themselves when faced with the dilemma of whether to keep a secret or not is: Is this going to hurt my friend or someone else? If they can learn to answer that question honestly they will know if they should make the secret known to mom and dad or an adult or if they can keep it secret. Loyalty to a friend means doing everything in the best interest of your friend.