General Topics |

May 2, 2014

Do not ignore abusive behavior

The abuse of others shows it true colors in so many ways, and as much as we want to deny it is happening – all of us must be aware of the signs and then have the courage to speak up. The story in the Washington Post was of the work that Yardley Love’s mom is now doing to make others aware of the importance of not ignoring the signs of abusive behavior. I honor and applaud the efforts of someone for whom it is too late to save her own daughter.

Abuse virtually never starts with a “major” event. A person who becomes the victim of abuse is almost never attacked on the first meeting of two people. That is true in domestic abuse, bullying in school or workplace violence. Generally it begins with what seems to be annoying or even insignificant events that are uncomfortable but we may be blinded by our own emotions to see where the actions might lead.

Teasing and taunting may be in fun – but may be a sign of abuse to come.
Physical actions may be playful – but can become more violent.
BFF – becomes a controlling relationship with jealousy
Never being wrong – results in being worried that you are going to hurt their feelings

The list goes on and on. Learn everything you can about abuse as a protection to your future self. What is most interesting to me is the correlation of domestic violence / abuse and childhood bullying. Anytime one person sees themselves as more powerful than another and chooses to hurt them intentionally on a regular basis to maintain that control – this is ABUSE.

The hardest part is recognizing the signs when it is happening to yourself. Trust your instincts. The next hardest part is listening to those around you who see the patterns and warn you about the relationship. Trust your friends and family. Being willing to listen to others and be real with yourself about your relationships is your first line of defense in protecting yourself from abusive relationships.

April 29, 2014

Meeting success and failure with centering on practice

I really appreciate the conclusions Elizabeth Gilbert came to when faced with her success and then less than successful book publishing. This is a great example of not getting overly emotional about what seems to be either success or failure. In the martial arts, as in yoga or meditation or any part of life – Practice for the sake of practice and the results will come.

April 25, 2014

Teacher appreciation – They do so much for our students

This week we will celebrate the teachers of our students.

We are inviting all of the students to ask their teachers if they would like to visit Balanced Life Skills and see their students whom we share, practice their martial arts skills. I have a deep appreciation for all that teachers do for our students.

They spend a great number of hours preparing lesson plans, looking at student work, answering parent questions – much of this is outside of the ‘normal’ working hours.

Teachers have their own families and all the responsibilities that come with that job. Sometimes it is easy to forget and we may even be surprised to see teachers as parents, with all of the same issues that we are struggling with in our own family.

Teachers pull out of their own pocket money to provide for their students provisions that they do not have. On average a teacher spends between 600 and 800 per year and many spend much more than that.

Teachers fill the role of educator, caretaker, coach, nurse, and so much more. They are like the mom at school for the hours your child is there.

With all that they give they sometimes forget to replenish themselves with time for their own desires, spiritual strength, taking care of their own emotions and needs. Many times they will not ask for the help they need or want – as they continue to take on the role of super heroes.

This week please celebrate your teachers. They are kind and giving. When they go home at night it does not end for them, as they continue to think about what and how they can make your experience even better tomorrow. I would ask each of us to remember your own teachers, and those of your children as people with great big hearts and a desire to share with others.

How will you show kindness to your teachers this week?

April 24, 2014

Permutations of Kungfu

It is a pretty common occurrence here at the kungfu school, and at martial arts schools everywhere as far as I can tell. A teacher corrects a movement or explains a certain technique, and the student objects that the teacher is directly contradicting what the student was taught by another previous teacher. Or a student looks at two teachers demonstrating the same technique or form, and sees that they are very different. “So which on is right?” the student wants to know.

The answer is usually both. Or neither – that is, both versions may be equally valid, though they look nothing alike. There are infinite variables in martial arts, any one of which could produce seemingly contradictory instruction but which the student must strive to unravel to best grow and develop.

One variable is purpose. A given movement can be executed to a great number of different ends. Take a kick, for example. Within the realm of martial application, it could need to be a fast kick, to outrace an opponent’s reactions; a powerful kick, to do damage weather it is blocked or not and force an opponent hesitate; an unpredictable kick, so that the opponent’s reaction is doesn’t stop it; or most likely one of the infinite combinations of these criteria. But a kick could also be intended as an exercise, to improve the body’s strength and flexibility. It might not be something to use in a fight, but nonetheless valuable to practice. And each tiny variation of the kick and its mechanics could change what muscles or skills are being stretched and strengthened, so each variation could have its purpose.

Teachers might contradict themselves and each other when the purpose changes. It might change simply to try and encompass as broad a variety of movement as possible, thus making the student more versatile and flexible. Or the student’s growth could precipitate that change: first they needed to work on one part of the movement, then they need to work on a different part that is best practiced with different mechanics. Or, the technique’s purpose could and should change depending on the teacher’s growing and changing understanding of the movement. The teacher may notice that a movement he or she has practiced with sparring in mind can be altered slightly to become an excellent exercise in balance or coordination. The instructions they give, or even the look of the movement itself, could change very much depending upon the purpose to which the teacher applies it.

While there is no doubt that there is better and worse technique in martial arts, it is not as simple and clear as right or wrong. Martial arts are still an art, a living, growing thing that exists and is sustained by living, growing people. As students, we must strive to live up to the example that our teachers set for us. But that example is not just a set of physical movements. Students of martial arts must try to imitate the sincerity and engagement with the practice that our teachers model for us. And it fall to us to try to understand the “why” of our training, because ultimately we must become our own teachers.

April 23, 2014

Helping teens who feel stressed

The headline in the Washington Post read, “Student stress tied to rash of suicides…”. One parent that was interviewed stated that, “They are under too much pressure. It’s not all about how many AP classes you took.”

The stress and pressure so many students feel at the high school level comes from many different directions. They are encouraged strongly by advisers that they need to take AP classes. They are pushed by parents to do well in school and take on a multitude of extra-curricular activities from multiple sports to clubs and organizations – so they can get into a good school. They have the pressure from fellow students who look down on those not taking all the AP classes, as second class students. I personally have watched students be taunted for the schools that they received rejection letters from. Add to that the pressure these students put on themselves to live up to the expectations of so many others or themselves, and it is little wonder that they feel they are at the breaking point.

As a teacher or parent we want to be in tune with the resilience of a student. Are they optimistic? Do they demonstrate self control in all parts of their life? Do they take what they have for granted, feel entitled or do they appreciate the little and big things in their life? What level of empathy are they able to show to others? Are they drawn into conflict easily or do their skills for overcoming challenges demonstrate a high emotional IQ? Do they demonstrate day to day that they believe in a set of core values and see the big picture guided by those values?

Teens are not developmentally ready to take on the amount of stress our society is placing on them today. As a parent and teacher or school system, what can you do to relieve that stress? One of the most important things we can do as an adult is listen without judgement. We do not have to fix or tell them how to fix their issues. We must though, be aware of their thoughts, actions and feelings and be prepared to help them not feel so hopeless and helpless that they believe the only way out is to hurt themselves. We must also be prepared to guide them in coming up with solutions that work for them.

If they come up with the solutions, and we help them to believe in themselves – we will help them grow into adults who are optimistic, living by core values, for a purpose they determine and grateful the whole time for all they have in their life.

April 22, 2014

Student stress over getting into “good” schools

The struggle is on between parents and young adults. The struggle is about college. Not, should I go or not go to college. The struggle is debt or no debt, is this school the best for me, will I be able to get a job if I choose this school over that school.

Having 4 children myself and watching the results of many more going to school, getting out and working on using what they learned – one thing I do know is that the stress level prior to going to the school of your choice is greater than the stress of writing the papers and finishing the assignments the student gets after getting to the school of their choice.

My biggest concern is about the pressure that our students feel about getting in to a “good” school. Bottom line – Go to any company and you will see that those employed there come from a variety of colleges. While there may be a particular position in a particular company that might be more available to a student from a single school – people do not generally hire based on what school you went to. They hire on who you are, your attitude and skills.

The experience in college is simply what you make of it, what you do when you get there – no matter where you attend. Why is this important to understand.

Being stressed out is one of the risk factors that we see over and over again in youth suicide. Want to learn more of the risk factors and what you can do to protect the youth in your life?

Category: General Topics