Posted on

Life Skills: Discipline and Goals Part 3: Persistance

Teaching character and life skills to students

The third component was best summed up by Winston Churchill when he said, “Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm.” In one word that would be PERSISTENCE. The majority of those that we would consider to be highly successful are also ones that suffered setbacks, one after the other. But due to their persistence they were able to achieve what they set out to do.

Persistence is something that you have to set your mind to from the very beginning. When you begin with a great deal of motivation and self control, it is persistence even in the face of failure that you will experience self discipline and have success in reaching your goals.

Persistence does not come off the shelf, it cannot be bought – but it is inside each of us already. What keeps some from persisting though is fear of failure, what others might think or how they may look foolish in the eyes of their peers.

So now we have self control, motivation, and persistance and in our next post the final component. You will be surprised by this one as there is a difference in personal _____ and self discipline _____.

Part one: Self Control

Part two: Motivation

Part four: Setting Goals

 

Posted on

Life Skills: Discipline and Goals Part 2 – Motivation

Teaching character and life skills to students

In developing self discipline the second of the four key factors or components is motivation.  If there is no motivation to reach the goal we have set, then disciplining or regulating ourselves to accomplish this goal becomes much harder to do and it is far more likely that we will stop and not reach our goal.

If the motivation is external as in, you have to go to work-not because you want to, you have to study for a test-so your parents do not get mad, you go on a diet because your doctor/friend/spouse says you should, it is not likely that you will be motivated to be disciplined in the efforts.

However if you have a strong enough WHY you are doing your job, studying in school, eating healthy, that strong motivation of why will create a self-discipline that would be very difficult to break.

All of us are motivated in different ways but if we are having trouble with motivation to be disciplined on a specific task or goal, one way putting some pressure on ourselves is to tell our friends and others about the goal that we have and allow them to help us stay the course.

Finally in regard to our children, we may not be sure what motivates them, but our goal is for them to find their motivation from within.  With that in mind, external rewards and praise for winning / medals / grades and other external things are less important than helping them to see the results they get with great effort and self discipline.  Praising that in our child will help them to continue on the path of self discipline.

Part one: Self Control

Part three: Persistence

Part four: Setting Goals

 

Posted on

Life Skills: Discipline and Goals Part 1-Self Control

Teaching character and life skills to students

Parents – So you say you want your child to develop self-discipline?  Do you know what is required to strengthen this quality in ourselves and our children and how to develop self – discipline?

There are four necessary  components to achieve success in developing self discipline that all of us will recognize when we think about those that have started a diet but did not follow through, that wanted to write a book, start a new business, achieve black belt rank, get straight A’s, save a certain amount of money or what ever the goal is that was not achieved.

The four components of self discipline that all need to be strengthened are: Self Control, Motivation, Persistence, Goals.  Anyone who started writing a book, could never start the business that they dreamed of, quit at yellow belt, or gave up on a monetary goal, most likely did so due to a lack of self discipline.

Aristotle is quoted as saying:  “I count him braver who overcomes his desire than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”

Learning to say NO to ourselves and our personal cravings is one of the first steps in developing self control.  We are marketed to and sold on the idea constantly in the media of what we ‘need’, when in fact what is really necessary and what are simple urges or desires are quite different.  Can we tell the difference in our own lives and can we help our children to learn the difference.  Will we take the time to consider the differences or just act on the urge?   This is simply one of the hardest with so many forces (external) telling us what we need to look and feel successful.

Can we deny what we want or crave?  Can we fight the influence of advertising and our accessibility to so much?  Can we teach our children by example and action what self control is or will we teach them to give in to the brainwashing of society and our own personal cravings to get or take what we want.  Without self control, self discipline is impossible.

I will continue this discussion in later articles on the other parts of gaining Self Discipline.

Part two: Motivation

Part three: Persistence

Part four: Setting Goals

Posted on

Life Skills: Discipline and Our Words

Teaching character and life skills to students

At the beginning of each of our classes we say to ourselves and in the hearing of others, “We are going to control our mind, our body and our mouth”.  From time to time I will ask the students, “Which is the hardest of all of these?” and they will almost always reply, “Our Mouth!”.  When we are young we learn about the need to keep our hands and feet to ourselves, how and when to keep our voices down at the appropriate time, but the mouth is the one that stumps us over and over again – no matter our age.

Most of us – especially me – have blurted something out, said something without thinking that we later wished we had not thought in the first place and if we did that we had not said out loud.  Unfortunately there is no string that we can take the words back.  We do this when we are young and when we are older, and we do it most often to the ones we love the most, our family and closest friends.

The catalyst of most of these words are tones of voice, certain verbiage of others, things that trigger strong reactions.  When we examine closely many times it comes from things that we are not comfortable with and or feel ‘less than’ about (our authority, reminder of something we do not like about ourselves, reminder of past experiences), it can be anything.  But in the end most hard feelings, harsh words, arguments, fights, physical attacks begin with words spoken – that if given the opportunity we would take back, after we thought about the consequence.

I write about these things as a reminder to myself to use self-control, think before speaking, look at the pro and con for saying anything and a reminder to use empathy.  How would I feel if another person said this, used this tone, or acted in this way to myself.  As I work on this, I ask that you join me in our attempt to use ‘discipline’ in every aspect of our life, especially with the most most dear to us.

 

Posted on

Martial Realism

This past week my class had a sparring session. These sessions take their toll– we spend the rest of the week dealing with the damage we’ve inflicted on each other. Personally, I had a bit of a headache from all the blows I didn’t quite block or dodge, and I sprained something in my hand in a bad punch, and a few other minor complaints. But the week of training reaffirmed my belief about the nature of martial arts in today’s world.

I personally fought two three minute rounds. I spent three and a half hours in a more-violent-than-usual environment, watching my classmate spar each other. That is a tiny fraction of my week, and an infinitely tinier fraction of my life. Someone who doesn’t train as I do might have an even smaller fraction of violence in their life. I think this ratio, violent life versus the rest of life, shows where our training priorities as martial artists should lie.

There are many martial artists that I have met who allow their training to interfere with their perspective on life. They spend so much time thinking about what happens in that tiny violent fraction that, first in their perception and then sometimes in their reality, that violent fraction swells. Violence fills their subjective reality, even if their objective reality is peaceful.

The day after we sparred, we got called away from the school to work on a silly performance thing (talk about a distasteful fraction of my life ;-p). But in the performance we were working with little 8-10 year olds. These kids were high-energy, full of curiosity about foreigners and eager to show off their elementary English and kungfu. Really, they were awesome. But with my head aching and my hand tender, and my annoyance at having to do the performance at all, I was immensely impatient with the little boys and girls. I couldn’t enjoy their exuberance at all.

But those kids represent reality. The 99.99% of my time that is not violent is about carrying on, connecting with people and together enjoying and celebrating life. So the most important part of my martial training is the discipline, emotional control, and inner balance that lets me put pain behind me and live a full life. And these skills apply to all kinds of situations– emotional pain, accidents, sickness, death–things that real life is full of far more than real life is full of violent physical confrontation.

Of course, some people face real violence on a day-to-day basis, something I truly know nothing about. But for those who, like me, train ourselves despite having been blessed with a peaceful life, we need to remember where the real treasure of the rich practice of martial arts truly lies.

Posted on

Wounded Warrior Project event

I want give a BIG THANK YOU to all of the families who contributed to my run in the Tough Mudder this past Saturday — Over $500 all together! Not only did you show your support to me, but you donated to a fantastic cause called the Wounded Warrior Project. This project ‘s mission is to reintegrate injured soldiers into society through therapy, treatment plans, and the provision of medical equipment. A person’s service to our country is a huge sacrifice – those deployed give up their family, a lot of their freedoms, and sometimes their lives – to ensure that we have ours. Thanks to all of our service members (police, firefighters, military members, and more) for all that you do!

So let me tell you: 11 miles through the mud, obstacles, and a severe thunderstorm was… Tough! Crossing the finish line was only possible with the use of  Teamwork, Courage, and Discipline — All characteristics that have been discussed at BLS as Word of the Month.

Teamwork is integral to the very foundation of the Tough Mudder course. “Teamwork and camaraderie before my course time” and “I help my fellow mudders complete the course” are some of the phrases pledged before and throughout the course of the race. The Mud Mile was an obstacle of a dozen steep slopes of muddy clay separated by deep trenches of muddy, clay water. It takes teamwork between all participants to push and pull one another over the slippery slopes to continue trudging through the mud. At the end of the 10th mile when you think all of your energy is spent, the Everest obstacle requires you to sprint with no hesitation up a quarter pipe ramp then leap upwards with all of your strength, and at the last second grasp hands with another mudder who pulls until you’re able to clamber over the edge. It really takes everyone working together to cross that finish line.

During the competition, I witnessed amazing displays of courage by some of the participants. It is a common understanding that the Tough Mudder is “not a race, but a challenge” and mudders commit to “overcome all fears.” Samantha, a teammate of mine, took a leap of faith plunging 20 feet down into cold and muddy water below. Although she has faced bigger challenges before, it always takes a renewed sense of determination to overcome a fear. Seeing so many injured soldiers participate was truly inspirational! The most courageous act I saw was from a fellow competitor making his way through the course on two prosthetic legs that he acquired after a deployment over seas. I struggled to keep my legs moving — I cannot fathom the internal strength and determination it took for that man to overcome those challenges.

All 24,000 Mid-Atlantic runners (a record registration number!) showed a great amount of discipline. It takes a lot of mental grit to complete that race. The promise of Tough Mudder sponsor merchandise and hot food at the finish line does not motive a person enough to push through 11 miles of rain and mud going over, under, and through a series of 16 obstacles (5 got closed down). As so eloquently relayed on signs posted along the path, Mudders “do not whine…” It takes a great deal of mental and physical discipline for each person to push themselves to the finish line – I watched my dad limp through over 8 miles on a bad knee without a word of complaint and smile on his face at each obstacle to overcome. That type of discipline is a commitment to yourself, which gives you the strength to is push a bit further. Internal discipline is putting mind of over matter, so you get done whatever it is you need to do.

Anyone who is interested in testing out their teamwork, courage, and discipline should consider registering for the Tough Mudder on April 20 & 21, 2013! Our military men and women serve, protect, and sacrifice for us; what are you willing to do to give back?