Blog | - Part 76

July 14, 2013

Three things determined people say to themselves

Teaching Children Life Skills Have you ever felt determined to do something or achieve a certain goal? If you have or if you have seen your child with that kind of determination then you know that it is not just in your head, but you can actually feel it in your body. Sometimes it is described as ‘fire in your belly’, or as a ‘hunger’ to accomplish the goal.

Not everyone has that kind of drive, in fact on a regular basis we have students brought to Balanced Life Skills and we are told that they just seem to not be interested in anything. Being determined and feeling that sort of drive is very invigorating and certainly makes you want to get up in the morning. It has been found that those that accomplish things in life generally have this quality of determination.

This month we will discuss determination and see how we can develop that characteristic in ourselves and help our children find goals to practice this “not giving up” attitude that leads to successfully achieving your goal. In the video below you will see the three things that we told our students about determined people and what they say to themselves.

July 11, 2013

Kungfu Attitude

I missed my usual blogging goal this last couple weeks because I was very excited to have my first ever visitor from home. I was trying to be a good host and put myself in the frame of mind of a newcomer, thinking back to when I first came to China and when I first came to my master’s school. I realized how much my own attitude has changed in the years since my arrival, how it has become a kungfu attitude.

When I first arrived in China, there were a number of things I had accepted as facts about myself. I knew my stomach had problems: I knew I would get seasick before my friends or a stomach ache if I got nervous. I knew that I got colds a few times a year. I knew that I got angry about the things I encountered in China pretty often. These and other observations were a minor appendage to my self-identity. I ascribed them to genetics, or just “that’s how I am.”

Somewhere along the line in the years since my thinking has changed. Part of it is the belief that it’s not just a matter of, “that’s how I am,” but that these are weaknesses that I can improve if I set out to do so. It’s a combination of accepting responsibility and raising awareness. I know that if I am wise about my dress, diet, and exercise, I need not get sick and my stomach is happy. I know that through meditation and attention, I can avoid the anger I used to feel. These things are in my control if I take control of them.

I am reminded of this time when I was a young teenager. I was walking out of a science museum in North Carolina with my Aunt, and I obliviously let the door slam in her face behind me. She yelled at me — gave me a really hard time for being rude and inconsiderate. I thought at the time, “How can you possibly expect me to keep track of who is behind me when I go through a door? That’s like trying to see the back of my own head!” But her admonishment helped me to realize that a higher level of responsibility and care were both possible and expected. That is a kind of kungfu attitude.

The kungfu attitude is summed up, to me, in a quote I heard from another student here at the school. “Chinese medicine does not ask why you are sick, it asks why you aren’t well.” A person has the potential to be perfectly happy and healthy, and any obstacle keeping us from that well-being is able to be improved upon by long-term effort. When I grasp this completely, I believe I will really understand kungfu.

July 5, 2013

Life Skills: Determination – The Definition

Teaching Children Life Skills Each month we will discuss a life skill with all of our students. This month the word is Determination. This word will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Determination: “I’ve got a ‘No quit, Go for it’ attitude!”

Older students: Determination means: “Going after a goal with purpose, drive and effort — and not quitting until it is achieved.”

Each age group has a worksheet that parents can use to continue the discussion at home with their children, and one for adults to allow them to think more deeply about the skill and how it applies to them. Would you like to receive the worksheet? Stop by our studio at 133 Gibralter Avenue in Annapolis, MD and tell us the age of your child. We will give you a worksheet and invite you to watch Mr. Joe discuss the word with the students in class. You can also follow our discussions here on this website.

If you would like to become a member of Balanced Life Skills, come TRY CLASSES FOR FREE. We are not your typical martial arts school, in fact we are an education center, working with our students on physical skills along with empowering families with compassion, awareness and respect. We believe in every child and build their confidence in themselves. Balanced Life Skills takes part in community service and encourages each student to do the same. You are welcomed to come in and talk to the parents that are here and watch the class for the age group you are interested in.

June 27, 2013

Life Skills: 5 Facts about children and lying & how to deal with lying

5 things we must know about children who lie,

How to deal with lying.

Lying may begin at the age of 2 and generally peaks at about 12
Some lying may be healthy imagination and others may be to avoid hurting themselves or others.
Most lies are about avoiding trouble or punishment, or to look better than others.
Some kids tell lies just to see what would happen if…. or just for the fun of it “how will they react?”
Those who tell lies many times have great cognitive skills.

How do you deal with this? First understand your own shock that will take place the first time your child does not tell you the truth. You will be shocked! Then are they old enough to understand what they are doing? Help them to understand the value of telling the truth and suggest that you believe they may know more than they are telling you about. If they come clean, thank them and praise them for doing so.

Ask questions that does not give them the opportunity to deny what has happened. If your child spilled the milk do not ask “if they spilled it?” , instead ask them “why it happened”. In any case, make sure they know that you disapprove of lying and that it is the wrong way of handling a situation. Help them to appreciate that trust is at the heart of the matter and that you expect them to tell you the truth.

Most important remember that our children hear and see everything we do and say. Children cannot tell the difference between a small and big lie, it is all the same to them. The more they see and hear lying taking place the more they believe that it is normal behavior. So really – raising honest kids starts with each of us!

June 26, 2013

Life Skills: Honesty is taking responsibility for our actions

wpid-HONESTY-1751 All of us know that honesty is one of the qualities that we look for in our friends, work associates and close relationships. In fact it is a factor that is measured in those that run for political office and yet I cannot imagine anyone that I know that has not at some time not told the truth about something or withheld information that would have completed the story.

Why do we choose not to tell the truth? Generally it is to make ourselves look better than we are, to stay out of trouble, or to get what we want. For us adults we can look back at others or maybe even ourselves and see an example of a lie that has destroyed a relationship or trust.

With children they may lie because of fear their parents will be angry with them, that their friends may make fun of them, or to make others think of them in a special way (typically as cool, smart, rich). But when we turn it around and ask ourselves how we would feel if a friend did not tell us the truth, we all know that we would question them and their trustworthiness.

It is a funny thing how willing we are to see others telling lies as somewhat different than ourselves. Learning to take responsibility for our actions and to tell the truth is the Balanced Life Skill Way.

June 21, 2013

Self-cultivation — Emphasis on Self

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to spend a couple of days with Shifu. This is kind of rare for me — he is a busy guy, and I don’t get to talk to him very much outside of class. For that matter, I am usually so tuckered out after class, I don’t really seek him out. But a television show, sort of a variety showcase, asked Shifu to come and bring some of his students to be a feature on the show. So I got to spend time on the train and in the waiting room at the TV station just shooting the breeze with my master.

Lately our training seems to me to have shifted focus. We still do all the same physical training, but it has become mostly a vehicle for our internal emotional practice. So I asked Shifu, “If the goal of this is self-cultivation, why do we do martial arts at all? Why not just meditate or do yoga or something?” His answer was that there is no reason. It really doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you realize that the important thing is not to improve the skill but to improve yourself. Martial arts is really great, and offers lots of opportunity for this kind of development, but another pursuit might work just as well if you approach it with the right spirit. Indeed, “kungfu” in Chinese just means something you work hard at, and could really be any task at all.

It was cool that he said that, because there was a neat example of what he was talking about ready to hand. One of the other people being featured on the show was a sort of street performer/craftsman. He had a little tool box with a little stove warming a pot of molten sugar. He would blow the sugar much like a glass blower would blow glass, making a sort of balloon of it, and then shape it into any one of a menagerie of animals. He would grab up some hot sugar in his toughened hands, and calmly and peacefully pull it and shape it and chat and make jokes. Suddenly the animal would appear as if his hands had minds of their own and did not need him to guide them. More than anything one was impressed, sitting there watching him, by the atmosphere of calm and serenity that seemed to waft from him along with the fragrant smoke of his stove. It was clear watching him that this was a man who had, in the process of mastering his craft, mastered himself.

If I needed any further evidence of this man’s wisdom, we overheard a conversation between him and another performer on the TV show, a guy who rode bicycles across a tiny tightrope. The bicyclist saw me and my classmates and nudged the sugar sculptor, saying, “Foreigners are no good at Chinese kungfu, eh?” To which the sugar sculptor calmly replied, “Of course foreigners can do kungfu. Anyone can do kungfu.”