As an instructor, I make it a point to always observe those that are teaching me. If they do something that I consider a novel approach or entertaining, I will try to emulate it if I believe it is something that I can do effectively as well. If something is done that I do not think is constructive to an open learning environment, then I ask myself how many times I have done the same thing to my students. And sometimes I do do this and sit in my class and think “man, I need to fix this, it’s just unfair for them.”
The greatest skill I have learned from Mr. Joe is the ability to constantly search for truth. Many of us believe we search for truth, but few of us may actually practice it on a daily basis. The search for truth is a long and difficult one. For me and as an instructor, it means often learning that I am wrong or maybe seeing that something I did in the past was not nearly as clear or rational as a way someone else is showing me now. As we get older, we tend to hit milestones where we become less and less unwilling to compromise what we believe as truth. I recently have experienced several situations in a senior level honors course where my opinions were almost immediately stifled by the opinions of the teacher. This is not to say I could not have been wrong, in fact the very act of me voicing my opinions may show that I am looking for some level of affirmation. But in this case, not only was I (in my opinion) abruptly shut down, but the message was quickly sent to the rest of the class that “questions that do not somehow agree with my train of thought will not be considered good questions”. This is absolutely the most dangerous thing we can do to our younger generations is send the message that questioning is wrong. Questions are what keep us guessing. Questioning what we believe is right, is what makes us question our beliefs. And if we are open people, we will either decide that the question was good but to still stand by, and probably strengthen our belief in what we thought, or we will say that the question was still good and that maybe we should reassess our stance on that particular topic. Think of the past, the most positive change has come when people have started to think that presently, what is acceptable as truth is not really truth at all.
But again, as we hit these milestones such as going to college, getting married, having children, getting a job, moving out of your house, having a second child etc….we tend to believe that we need to have most of the answers to the questions in our lives solved. When we tend to solve or present problems in ways that we solved similar problems in the past, this act is called transference. We do this because it is hard accepting that the way we did things in the past may have been wrong, or maybe were good then, but not appropriate now. We must stop wasting so much energy denying what is sometimes so clearly in front of us as truth. We must stop making excuses of why we are avoiding hearing or saying the things we know to be true. In Morgan Peck’s book “the road less traveled” he comments on how often parents will avoid telling the truth (in which he calls a “white lie” which may often be worse then a blatant lie) because they believe they are protecting their children, so to speak.
“For others, however, the “loving” desire to protect their children serves more as a cover-up and rationalization of a desire to avoid being challenged by their children, and a desire to maintain their authority over them. Such parents are saying in effect, :Look kids, you go on being children with childish concerns an leave the adult concerns up to us. See us as strong and loving caretakers. Such an image is good for both of us, so don’t challenge it. It allows us to feel strong and you to feel safe, and it will be easier for all of us if we don’t look into these things too deeply””. M. Scoot Peck
This may happen when a child asks you if you drank alcohol before you were legally old enough to or (as an instructor) if I ever did something disrespectful as a student. The easy answer would be to say “no” but we don’t say this to protect them, we say it to protect ourselves. Children go through an amazing mental development as early as up to 9 months where they are still separating the world from themselves and realizing that when they move, the world is not also moving. As early as three years old, when our children start asking questions, we must answer them with honesty. Sometimes it may do some good to delay honesty but for the most part they (and we) deserve the truth. Learn with your children. How astonished and great a feeling a child will have if his parents decided that their argument was valid and accepted. Done on a consistent basis, wonderful things will happen. And they will always know that (presently) your experience is vastly larger then theirs, but children often experience things extremely different then us, and sometimes their little experience will shed great insight into areas we have since “closed off” or have stopped adjusting. We should not be happy when our children stop asking us questions because no one ever has all the answers, and as we know our truths will always need adjusting as our world adjusts. We should actually be concerned for the day when our children stop asking questions and only agree. Lets make it a habit of looking for truth again.
mr. doug
Childhood Anxiety
If you are a parent with a child that has a child that complains about stomach and head aches, restlessness and fatigue, they are demonstrating typical symptoms of anxiety. It is thought by the doctors at Johns Hopkins that as many as 20% of children between the ages of 5 and 16 may be having this experience.
I know that I have seen it in the many different children I have seen over the years. One child as I went into the classroom and sat in front of them looked up at me and started crying and said “I can’t do this.”. Many needed multiple visits to the school and watch with their mom close by before they would venture out on to the floor to have a great time once they got started.
There are times though where it is far more debilitating for the child. According to Dr. Ginsburg “avoidance is a huge red flag. Parents should not try to accommodate that, but need to help their child manage and face their anxiety.”
There are 3 types of anxiety disorders.
Separation – marked by the demonstration of stress when separated or about to be separated from a loved one.
Social – fear of being watched, judged or laughed at, or a concern about doing something that would embarrass themselves.
Generalized – exaggerated tension about everyday problems. They may constantly need to be reassured.
Parents can help by Continue reading “Childhood Anxiety”
Respect for Ourselves
This week we have been discussing having respect for ourselves. This idea of self respect is one that has many aspects, from the physical (exercise, sleep, good nutrition) to showing others that we respect ourselves by standing up to them when needed and not giving up on our personal goals.
Recently I did a seminar about bullying to a group of 6th – 8th graders and we talked about the idea of self talk, those words we say to ourselves in good times and bad. Unfortunately many times we hear the words of others tell us we can’t do something or that is not possible, or your not good enough.
It is funny how we can find ourselves repeating them back to ourselves in words like, “your not good enough”, “or just quit, you can’t do this”. If we had a “friend” who constantly told us we were not good enough we would likely not keep that person as a close companion, yet we may be saying those same words to ourselves over and over again.
We can break out of this habit with better ‘self-talk’. It is our responsibility as a parent to teach our kids how to use positive self talk and to speak to them in a way that helps them build ‘self respect’. More on that in our next post.
BLS September Community Service
To all parents and students and the community surrounding Annapolis.
This year we started the Help a Teacher community service project. The request you see below is the very first request that was made on the site and I am hoping that we can see what part we can play to help this school out. Do you have any books that you may be ready to part with. Please donate them to this cause. I would also encourage our students to go to your neighbors and your parents offices to see if we can collect a significant number of books for Bates Middle School.
Feel free to send this post to all on your mail list that may be able to help this school fill their library.
Books–books of any kind, shape, size, or condition are requested by the Bates Middle Media Center. Bates has made reading a priority for its students. We would like for each teacher to have a classroom library and each student to have a home library. Since we have students that read both above and below grade level, any books are welcome. Current literature in excellent condition, a book series, or hardcover books may be placed in the media center. Other books will be given to students to include in their home libraries. Books that cannot fill our needs will be donated to other schools. Thank you for any help that you can provide!
Bring all of your books and collections to Balanced Life Skills 133 Gibralter Avenue Annapolis MD on September 20th or anyday during the month of September. Be sure that you ask your friends and neighbors!
Respecting the Environment Out of Love
Showing respect for the environment is a larger part of our conversations these days, as we face higher prices for oil, food and many of the items we have seen as commodities. Aldo Leopold, the author of A Sand County Almanac wrote; “we abuse land because we regard it as a commodity belonging to us. When we see land as a community to which we belong, we may begin to use it with love and respect.”
How do you believe we can make the biggest difference? What might be the results if we don’t make changes in the way we treat the earth and environment that we live as a part of a community.
I know I have said this before, one of my biggest concerns is that we do not just react to the situation that we have at hand until we think it is fixed. I believe that our whole way of thinking including not believing we are entitled to anything we can pay for, and not doing things for the environment because it is popular or out of fear. I do believe that we can make a difference in the world when we mindfully act based on love and respect for the environment, our communities, and ourselves.
What can you do today that shows more respect for the world?
Preserving the ‘rules of respect’
This month as we have looked at the character of respect with our students, we must examine ourselves as adults and ask how we can encourage respect, even when disrespect an rudeness is found everyday. Of course we have to be sure that we do not begin to believe that it is acceptable to act in that manner. In fact we may ask ourselves, how individuals we spend the most time with during the week speak to one another. Do they show respect in their communication and how does it affect us? How do we do as individuals on a scale of 1-10 of showing respect for others? Do we create drama in our relationships and show disrespect for others? As we think about this we have to wonder about the affect it has on us and the way we speak to others and how they speak to us. Do adjustments need to be made?
Robert Ingersoll said, “Give to every human every right that you claim for yourself.” I would add our children are watching and our neighbors children. They are learning how they will act toward others. It is our responsibility to set the best example we can to ensure that the ‘rules of respect’ are preserved with our children.