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Friendship: Manipulation is not acceptable

Here is the story of two individuals that were “friends”.  Their story line goes like this:

When we first met it was like she saw into me soul, I could say anything and everything thing to her we just clicked and it was just amazing!

After some time she started becoming really negative and forceful, she made me feel bad for certain ways I would feel towards the friendship.

Then she would constantly put me down in front of others and shut down my thoughts so she would be the main point of my life and nothing else.

Then I started constantly feeling unworthy of her friendship.

In our conversations she would always tell me how much she liked the friendship of others, making me think that I was a second rate friend.

I stopped talking to her at one stage and she apologized for what she was doing, but then a few weeks later she started acting the same and would put all her problems on me and make me feel bad.

Have you ever experienced this happen in a friendship?  Do you recognize yourself on either side of this description?  When things like this starts to happen in a friendship it is not a good sign.  In fact one of the parties is manipulating the other and this can lead to real damage being done.  There are three different kind of manipulators, those who need to be needed, wants to be in charge or wants to be pitied and manipulates by appearing to be weak.

Anytime manipulation is involve some one gets hurt.  Manipulation can be seen as early in life as in pre-school and the damage begins to take affect immediately.  It can lead to the victims being bully victims later in school and eventually into being victims of abuse in dating or marriage.  Here is a list of signs of manipulation or an abusive relationship.  This may be in a boy / girl dating relationship, marriage or in a friendship at school, the principles are all the same.

Continue reading “Friendship: Manipulation is not acceptable”

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Attitude: Your most important asset in relationships

In the course that some of our students are taking this fall, Excellence in Leadership, one of the drills that we do is list all the qualities that a leader should have.  In fact we explore what we would like to see in a number of different relationships.  All of them are marked as either being a Skill or an Attitude.

Consistently when I do this drill the Attitudes dominate the list, no matter if the relationship is with your parents, teacher, sibling, friend, workmate… it just doesn’t matter, Attitude dominates.  In a poll done of the 100 largest businesses in America of the single biggest reason individuals are fired, reasons that would be noted as attitude again dominate the list.

While 30 percent are fired due to incompetence (skill)  all of the rest of the highest rated reasons were attitude related including lack of motivation, negative attitude, dishonesty, inability to get along, failure to follow instructions. Our attitude determines what we see and how we handle our actions and feelings.   Our attitude is something that we can change at the snap of our fingers if we chose to do so, while a skill is something that we need to be trained in or study to learn how to do.

This asset of Attitude is responsible for our success in every relationship that we have 85% of the time, while actual skills training is responsible only 15% of the time according to The Carnegie Institute.   When things are not going the way that we would like to see them go, we may want to stop and think about our attitude and how that may help the situation or relationship.

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Give first, no matter what

Today and this season is a time that more than ever people give to family, friends and to charity. Everyone is moved by the generosity not only to themselves but the stories we hear about caring for others.

There is a mentality though that leads people to that happiness throughout the year. It is a mentality of abundance. This attitude that there is more than enough for us to share with others, that the more we share the more we will have, that whatever it is that we give we receive in return in abundance. When we give with generosity with this abundance mentality, what we give away will multiply.

What we give may be in physical gifts, especially for those in need of the basics, but they may also be in an attitude of gratitude. The simple smile, verbal or written thank you note, an act of kindness are all gifts that we can make and teach our children about.

There is more than enough for all of us. Stephen Covey wrote about recognizing that we should think about making the pie bigger by giving more, rather than being worried about us getting a bigger piece of the pie.

Do you believe like I do that if we are generous with our resources, that we will not run out of resources? Practice giving – no matter what your circumstances may be.

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8 Steps to Prevent Bullying in the Classroom for Teachers

Every teacher has their own classroom management procedures and they no doubt will fit their particular personality.  The skills listed below are very general principles that apply to any method that you may choose and will have beneficial affects on the classroom and the students as well as the teachers morale.

Rearranging the Environment: There are some personalities that should not sit next to each other in a learning environment.  There may be, depending on the age other arrangements that can be made too, like sitting in a circle or huddled up with the teacher that may be affective.  How we line the kids up or transitions in the class can all be looked at to see if there may be another way for them to be done to reduce bullying.

Establishing Clear Classroom Rules: Setting expectations for students is important so there is no doubt in their mind of what their conduct should be in this environment.   Some may choose to have a set of rules and others may have a single principle that they attempt to live by like, “Do unto others……,  In my classroom I use single words.  Respect, Discipline, Control and Focus are my favorite. They can be asked simply by saying “Does that show respect?”

Being Consistent: Consistencies take on two aspects.  The first is, if you have a rule it must apply to all the children.  That does not mean that you are not sensitive to students who may have special needs.  But in a kind manner the rules and the consequences should be meted out equally.  Second is our own behavior.  As instructors we should demonstrate for our students how to treat others with respect.   We must demonstrate the discipline and control we want them to show.  Students will look at our example to see if we bully or not. Continue reading “8 Steps to Prevent Bullying in the Classroom for Teachers”

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Do Not Neglect Your Family in the Name of Success

Developing our personal meaning of success and then planning and acting on those plans is something that happens for individuals at different times in their lives.  For me I knew what success would mean, helping others and especially young people.  In so doing, as I got older I realized that it meant helping young parents too.

One thing I have learned on this journey though is that most important while on our path is our family.   I have seen some who have sacrificed their own family for reaching personal goals, and quite frankly it is never for the best.  There have been very few people in the world who have been successful without the support of a strong and close family.

Having those strong relationships continue to remind you what is really important.  It was when having our first child that I really started to develop my present idea of what my goals in life were and what success looked like for me.  It is with those relationships that I am really able to enjoy the journey and share the benefits with them.  So if you have a family, be sure that you are not neglecting them as you pursue your goals, career and service to others.

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Parents and Teacher Can Correct the Bully Problem in School and at Home

Setting ourselves up for success both as parents and a teachers requires first that we recognized the A,B, C’s of both the good and bad behaviors that we want to either change or continue.  Lets look at what that means: