Author: Joe Van Deuren

As our children get older they begin to feel their independence and they want to show that they can do things on their own. They may begin to feel that they no longer need to tell us, their parents, when or where they are coming or going. Even if they do tell us, they may feel a certain amount of resentment about having to do so.

So how do we overcome this inclination? When my children were growing up, whenever I was getting ready to leave the house, I always made sure to tell each of them individually that I was leaving, where I was going and what time I expected to return. At first I just made this a practice. Later as they got older, I explained to them the reason for doing so.

I did not want them to wonder where I was if they were looking for me. I wanted them to know when to expect me to return, in case they had something to talk about or ask me. I explained to them it was my way of showing my respect for them. Then as they got older, I could ask them to do the same for me. I had set the example.

Was it or is it required that a parent tell their children – even when there is another adult in the house? Of course not. But doing so gives you an excellent argument when your child feels like it is intrusive to their independence. It is demonstrating good manners – showing kindness and respect.

 

Manners are so important for children to learn as in the words of Clarence Thomas, “Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.” When we use the good manners of saying please when making requests, or thank you when others have done a good deed toward us, we are showing that the feelings of others matter to us.

In the past year we have talked about courtesy and empathy – both of which are required for us to practice good manners. All of us have heard someone say the words “thank you”, but we did not feel the emotion of gratitude coming from their heart. As we teach our children the etiquette of using polite words, we also want to help them to imagine how others are feeling and appreciate the need to treat others how they would like to be treated.

Our goal at Balanced Life Skills is not just to be an outstanding martial arts school, but also to have students who others look at and recognize as having great manners, a positive attitude and compassion for others. If that is your goal too, you are in the right place – as we work together to help our students be those people.

Each month we will discuss a life skill with all of our students.  This month the word is Manners.  This word will be defined in the following ways for our students.

 

Young students:  Manners: “I do kind things and use polite words!”

Older students:  Manners means: Words and actions that show kindness and respect for others.

Each age group has a worksheet that parents can use to continue the discussion at home with their children, and one for adults to allow them to think more deeply about the skill and how it applies to them.  Would you like to receive the worksheet?  Stop by our studio at 133 Gibralter Avenue in Annapolis, MD and tell us the age of your child.  We will give you a worksheet and invite you to watch Mr. Joe discuss the word with the students in class.  You can also follow our discussions here on this website.

If you would like to become a member of Balanced Life Skills, come TRY CLASSES FOR FREE.   We are not your typical martial arts school, in fact we are an education center, working with our students on physical skills along with character.  We are building confidence in each child.  Balanced Life Skills takes part in community service and encourages each student to do the same.  You are welcomed to come in and talk to the parents that are here and watch the class for the age group you are interested in.