Balanced Life Skills Martial Arts

We all know that too much screen time is not a good substitute for play and interaction with our children.  The majority of us though have been guilty from time to time of using screens – tv, ipad, computer – as a babysitter.  So what is the right thing to do?  How much screen time should our youngest children, under 2, be exposed to?  You may be surprised by the recommendations of the the American Academy of Pediatrics makes.  One of my favorite resources for media advice is Common Sense Media.  Here is a great article on How Much Screen Time Should Young Children Have?

It is with great sadness that I must inform you of the passing of Dr. George “Doc” Thompson. For 27 years, as founder and CEO of the Verbal Judo Institute, Doc led the charge to elevate the professionalism and communication skills for crisis professionals, such as law enforcement and all first responders. His work gained many followers, in both the public and private sectors.

“The entire basis of Verbal Judo is to treat people with dignity and respect, most of all your family and close friends,” Thompson wrote in the forward to his book, “Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion.” (This book sold 250,000 copies and is scheduled for re-release later this year.) “Be ever so careful how you speak to them, as words can cut deeper and fester longer than sword wounds,” he continued. “Ironically, we often spend less energy being kind to those closest to us. Change it!”

Dr. Thompson has given us the strategies and the language to make the world a better place.

Knowing that words can cut deeper and wounds from words can last longer is the reason that Balanced Life Skills has learned from “Doc” Thompson to teach our students how to communicate when others are less than pleasant to us. Verbal Self Defense is the communication skills that everyone can learn and practice including children. It is this self defense that is the number one way we can teach our children to defend themselves from those that would like to pick on or tease them. It starts with understanding our own worth and having confidence along with “mushin”. If you do not know what “mushin” is visit us at Balanced Life Skills to see how this ancient Asian philosophy can affect how we deal with others.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. George Thompson here is a link to a summary of his life. If you would like your children to learn Verbal Judo, please contact us at Balanced Life Skills. We would love to have you be a part of our continued efforts to build a culture of peace in our schools and community.

What did you eat today?  Did the hot weather encourage you to drink the promoted drinks or to go back to the basics of water?  Did you see the latest report from the American Academy of Pediatrics about energy drinks, including drinks like Gatorade for our children.  As a teacher I must not only set the example, but I must help our students take a deep look at what and how they eat. Even those of us who “eat good”, is what we are eating really good or just better than what others are doing?  This is not a matter of comparisons.  It is a matter of doing what is best for us and our children.

As a family, as a school, as a community, can we be on a mission to change – make a difference in our community?  Starting with our own diet, we can all be resolved to learn about our food and our health.  No excuses, we will be the teachers and parents that our children deserve.

This is the first of a series in emergencies every child can learn to handle.

More information on when to call 911 in a medical emergency.

It’s this simple:  Children defend themselves with their heads. It’s knowledge that protects children in today’s world. Knowledge about safety, about what to avoid, about what to do, where to go, and how to stay out of harm’s way.

I’m a part of a remarkable association of martial arts teachers, really forward thinking and action-oriented instructors, who come together almost every day to move worthwhile projects forward. The group is called The One Hundred, it’s headed by a 6th degree black belt named Tom Callos (www.tomcallos.com).

The One Hundred, all of us, work on things that are, literally, “good for the world.” Like we’re bringing diabetes education to martial arts schools and anger management training and environmental self-defense programs. This week we launched a very simple, but powerful website to help girls (young women) learn about a kind of self-defense made just for today’s world.

The site, still being added to and polished, is www.flavors.me/10Lessons. Check it out.

And if you know a young person who could use some self-defense instruction, send them our way. Tell us you visited our 10 Lessons site and we’ll give you 1-week of lessons, for free –and one thing you will NEVER get at a school in The One Hundred, is a “sales pitch.” We don’t sell over the counter, we sell by engaging in and delivering extraordinary work.

While all of us breathe without thinking about it everyday 24 hours a day, we may not be breathing in a manner that is bringing the largest benefits to our health.  Breathing all the way into our diaphragms, deeply is so important for our health and  even our thinking ability.  The oxygen we take in affects all of the cells in our bodies from our bones and muscles to our skin and brain.  In fact the very deepest part of our lungs is where the oxygen needs to get to do the best the job of helping our brain cells.

Did you know that without oxygen that the cells go from being oxygen – burning to one that ferments glucose for fuel.  So it makes good sense to breathe deeply and to doing so as an exercise is a good way of getting started.

1. Stand up straight with your arms by your side.
2. Pushing down on your diaphragm and allowing your abdomen to expand, inhale to the count of 10.
3. Hold your breath to the count of 20.
4. Exhale to the count of 5.
5. Repeat 10 times.

If you are able to do this exercise 2 times every day, once in the morning and once in the evening, you will begin to feel your energy level increase within a short amount of time.  You may want to try it at home or work, inside or outside, while taking a walk.  The important part is to keep your concentration and to do it in an area where the air is as clean as possible.  You probably would not want to do it near a busy highway.

In the past week in our own local area there have been a number of assaults that have taken place, one of them on a young victim.  This is troubling to me personally and I hope that some of the tips that we offer here will be helpful to some in our community.  Just today an interview with some safety experts by PATCH was published on line and we were asked to show a couple of simple techniques in a video taken at our studio.  I have attached a link to that interview and video.

In addition please find some basic safety rules that every child should know and parents should require of their children.  In our martial arts school we talk about self defense in a number of different ways and levels.  Our training is always age appropriate in a manner of the way it is taught and what is taught.  Self Defense is a part of our classes and we offer courses for individuals both on safety and bully prevention.

General safety tips (pdf)

One final note on Self Defense.  Self Defense is more than just getting out of bad situations or away from bad guys.  The Balanced Life Skills self defense taught in our classes also deals with all the other things in life that will hurt us, like dealing with anger, our diets (diabetes), practicing environmental awareness and more.  I personally believe that we must learn to protect ourselves from everything that can harm us.

For anyone who has been a victim of attack, please feel free to call and talk to us.  We are happy to help you in learning how to protect yourself and your loved ones.

We have in the past week seen a most horrific crime take place in Tucson Arizona.  The shooting of so many individuals, resulting in the death of 6 and the physical and emotional injury to not just the individuals at the public event, but an entire nation.  This event reminds us that we must be aware of our surroundings at all times and be aware of the actions of individuals that may be a warning sign of danger.

This is not to say that any of the suggestions here would have helped on that day in Tucson, but these reminders may help us avoid a situation that may occur at a sporting event, or at the mall -  but only if we are sensitive to the possibilities.

How to spot a possible bad situation:

• Is there a person who seems to be agitated or preoccupied
• How are they speaking? Listen for the words they may be saying or how they are saying it.
• Is there a change in their voice?  Did it get louder or very quiet?
• Are there signs of stress in their voice or facial expression?  Does the individual looked like they are in a daze or without any expression?
• Are their eyes becoming more narrow or darting about?
• Are there aggressive gestures that go along with angry outburst?
• Is there a behavior that is not appropriate for the situation, anything that seems strange to you?

We do not want to become paranoid about every person we see or a recluse out of fear.  But if we do see situations that fit the questions we have asked, it may be a good idea to remove ourselves from that situation or vicinity.  Doing so may save our life and that of our loved ones.

There are ten characteristics that create how one views the world and handles adversity.  Number two on the list that we will discuss today is when you are angry you are not able to analyze and think logically about the problem at hand.  Not thinking clearly comes in three different ways.

First it may show up by not wanting to talk about the problem or the situation.  The reason the angry child or adult does not want to have a discussion is that this would mean acknowledging the role they play in the situation.  Unwilling to admit to their weaknesses and being uncomfortable with answering questions they would prefer to stick to the blame game.  It is easier to blame the other person than talking about it and having to bear some of the responsibility.  As they use these avoidance tactics they continue the cycle and never have a chance to learn from their mistakes. In line with our earlier discussion of the 4 steps of anger it goes like this.  (a) the angry person cannot solve the problem so their failures and frustrations grow , buildup.  (b) the spark can be anything that leads the person to an explosion where they blame anyone or everyone around them.  (c) those that are blamed do not like to be around the angry person and so they are pushed away and the angry person feels a victory and justified. (d) if anyone tries to talk about the situation the attempts are rebuffed  (e) since there was no resolution the problem serves as the buildup for the next explosion.  We can help our children out of this cycle by helping them to see the rewards of discussing problems in a calm and upbeat manner.  Trying to do this though with a particular angry event will probably not work, but doing so using other examples will be the stepping stone to better conversations.

Second it may show up with weak thinking or circular thinking.  Have you ever found someone who is angry that could only remember in detail what the other person did but very little about how they contributed to the situation?  The reason is that they are focused on their defense and attack and are otherwise blind to everything else going on around them.  Even if they do remember they will magnify the details in a manner to support their own viewpoint. So when we hear the account from their point of view it does not even sound like we saw the same situation.  How do we solve this?  We must teach our children problem solving skills.  Here are three steps to take with your child or the angry person.  (a) gather all the facts  (b) show them another point of view  (c) and then help them to see how their actions had affect on their actions and or the solutions.  Problem solving skills need to be taught though on a daily basis with things that they are not intimately involved with.  Using movies or TV shows and asking them to anticipate what is going to happen next and then follow through with the results.  Or a board game that you can demonstrate how if you move here or there this will happen.  Some children have problems solving problems because their parents do too.  So work on it together and use the resources available to you including social workers and psychologists to learn problem solving skills and then you will be able to help your children too. 

Third it may show up due to confusing feelings with facts.  Emotions have a powerful influence on our thinking.  Have you ever noticed that if someone is in love the person they are in love with can do no wrong – but later the same person who could do no wrong can do nothing right if the original party is angry or upset with them.  This is the idea of confusing feelings with facts.  While this is tough enough for adults this is very difficult for children.  There is a difference though between feelings and thinking.  You may have a feeling based on a partial truth that could easily lead you to a wrong conclusion.  Children need to learn as do all of us that people can fiew the same situation in differnt ways and have different feelings about them and neither person be more right than the other person. Teaching our children about feelings and all the different ways we can feel and how they are different for every person is very important in overcoming this confusion of feelings and facts.

Setting a good example and showing our children how it works is the best way to learn to think things through and not react in strong angry ways.