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The choice to show discipline

We have talked about all the rules and those that make them for us the last time with a special emphasis on the rules that we make up for ourselves.  When we make rules for ourselves like, ‘I am going to listen intently to others when they speak to me’, or I am going to work diligently to learn this new skill,  it is far more likely that we will demonstrate discipline and fulfill this promise to ourselves. 

Really though it is about making choices.  Every choice that we make has an outcome and a ‘consequence’ that goes with it.  This is a very simple principle that is key for our children to learn.  It is important for them to correlate choices with consequences – good and bad.

The formula is very simple E + R = O.  Event plus your Response (choice) will have an Outcome.  When we decide as adults or children that we will be 100% responsible for our choices and there outcomes (consequences) then we will be well on our way to creating the life that we want for ourselves.

How do we teach this to our children?  We can do this by creating opportunities for  some choices and then allowing them to have some failures and reap the consequences that go with them.  We only make progress in any endeavor when we have a failure and then work through it and get better / stronger on the other side.  

Never having a failure or not being allowed to have a disappointment from time to time does not build character.  It only builds an attitude of entitlement that will soon learn that in the real world not everything is going to go our way.

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Overcoming commitment obstacles

Any goal or challenge that we have will have its good days and bad days. We will have time when everything is going right and we feel on top of the world and then there will be other times that ‘nothing’ is going right and we may feel like giving up.

Neither of these extremes are the whole picture. We will have these perceived ups and downs. But in reality whatever is happening in this moment will probably change in another moment. The only thing that will not change is you.

We can still feel challenged though as we continue to strengthen our level of commitments. When we have times that we are not feeling the best about is the time to be sure to talk to someone who can encourage us, keep the end goal in mind, think about some of your heroes in life and ask yourself how would they handle this.

You are responsible for the way you feel about any given situation. I read a story some time ago about 2 drivers who were sitting in traffic after the earthquake in California. The traffic was 3 times as bad as usual. One of the drivers was very angry and voiced his opinion fervently. The other had left earlier than usual, had brought a book, some snacks, and was generally prepared for the long drive. His attitude was that he was sure his boss would understand if he were late.

How we look at things determines our attitude and can keep us on course or lead us to quitting. Of course if we quit we will never reach our goal, keep our commitment, but if we are willing to ask for help, talk to ourselves they way we would talk to a friend and remind ourselves about the progress we have made so far, we will gain the strength we need to stay the course and be inspired to keep our promises.

““I can’t” is not a reason to give up, it’s a reason to try harder.”

Read about Mr. Joe’s commitment to the Ultimate Black Belt Test that started in January 2009 and will be completed with the final test in February 2010. He recently committed to the “Live Like a Champion” journey that begins in January 2010. His journal is My Journey.

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Rewards for keeping commitments

Everyone of us has had a time when someone promised to do something for us and then did not keep that promise. How did it make you feel? Frustrated, angry, let down? We have also experienced, hopefully more often, the times when promises were kept and our feelings were the exact opposite. We were relieved, happy, and felt like we knew someone we could rely on.

If we are a young child and we promise mom and dad that we will clean our room and then we keep that commitment – without being asked to do it again and again – your parents are feeling very happy about you being so responsible and trustworthy. Believe me as a child this is a good thing for parents to feel this way!

At the same time when we keep a promise like that we can say to ourselves that we know we are dependable and that we can reach our goals, because we stick to our commitments. Guess what? The same is true for adults! The people around us begin to trust us and see us as leaders and reliable when we keep our commitments. It makes a big difference.

If we break our commitments though others may not feel that they can trust us, they may be upset with us and it will impact the lives of many other individuals. It also has a big impact on ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. When we keep promises to ourselves there is a pride and feeling of accomplishment. Here is a quick example. When it is time for me to do my work out I sometimes do not feel like doing it. Have you ever felt that way? But as soon as I get started it is OK – but when I am done I feel so good about accomplishing a task that I committed to my instructor and have made known to the entire community I would do.

You will feel the same when you keep a commitment to yourself and to others.

Read about Mr. Joe’s commitment to the Ultimate Black Belt Test that started in January 2009 and will be completed with the final test in February 2010. He recently committed to the “Live Like a Champion” journey that begins in January 2010. His journal is My Journey.

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Commitment despite conflicts

There are very few individuals who do not feel the conflict that comes from the number of different commitments that all of us have made. Those commitments include promises we have made to family, friends, work, school, activities, community and more. How do we deal with all of these commitments in a responsible manner and balance the different areas of our life? Someone said once, “Commitment in the face of conflict produces character.”

All of us need to decide what is important to us and review the promises we have made to ourselves and others in regard to value we place on them. The question really is in the words of Steven Covey, “What are our big rocks?”. Once we know what is really important and what we value then we can be sure that we make the time for those commitments first, with the smaller things of less importance fit in with the important ones.

So if we value family time, then we would want to schedule family time in our schedule, with specific time set aside for that “big rock”. If it is our health, set aside time for exercise and eating healthy. Keeping those commitments will make us feel better about all the other things we “have to do”. It may mean giving up something or doing less of something that we enjoy, but is not of importance or high on our list of values.

Everyday we can ask ourselves what we can do to stay committed to a goal we have, how can we raise the level of commitment. It is our choice and not one that we can leave up to others.

Read about Mr. Joe’s commitment to the Ultimate Black Belt Test that started in January 2009 and will be completed with the final test in February 2010. He recently committed to the “Live Like a Champion” journey that begins in January 2010. His journal is My Journey.

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Commitments to ourselves

One of the most important kind of commitments we ever make is the promises that we make to ourselves. We know that our ability to keep promises to others will have an affect on the way they view us. They will see us as someone they can trust, or that we are reliable, dependable and responsible.

Did you know that the way we keep or not keep promises to ourselves has the same effect on us personally. If we continuously make promises to ourselves, and then break it we are not showing the same respect for ourselves that we show to others. This has a very negative affect on the way we feel about ourselves.

Lets say we promise ourselves to take a walk everyday for exercise, and we do so for 4 days straight. But then we let various things get in the way of our keeping this commitment. In affect we are lying to ourselves, and we begin to see ourselves as not reliable or dependable. This then allows us to give up in other areas of our life on commitments and soon we find that our self respect is very low. Do you know how good you feel about yourself when you keep commitments to yourself?

Showing commitment to ourselves will make a difference in our success in life and it will help us keep our commitments to others.

Read about Mr. Joe’s commitment to the Ultimate Black Belt Test that started in January 2009 and will be completed with the final test in February 2010. He recently committed to the “Live Like a Champion” journey that begins in January 2010. His journal is My Journey.

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Kind words accomplish much

This is not a fairy tale.  This is a true story of a person we will call Bill, who came to know and be mentored by two other individuals, Bob and Jim.  Jim came into Bill’s life first and had so much knowledge to share and was very willing to do so.  Bill would make mistakes – in fact on a fairly regular basis, but Jim was always there to help out and to show Bill the way.  In fact despite the fact that Bill wondered if he would ever be as good as Jim he was very happy to have someone around to show him where he was going wrong. Later in Bills life he had another mentor.  His name was Bob. 

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