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Discipline is about following rules

All of us have rules to follow.  Some of them are created by others like our parents, teachers, bosses, legislators and these could be refered to as external rules.  We follow these rules because for the most part they make things safe, fair or are just good manners in the society that we grow up in. 

A second kind of rule though is rules that we make ourselves follow.  These might be called internal or “self rules”.  There is no one there that makes us do them –  we choose to do so because, it is the right thing to do. 

For instance, there is no rule that says that you cannot be lazy.  However we have have that rule inside of us.  It may say to us that we should work hard at school, work, personal development, physical activity etc…  

That is discipline, to be able to follow the rules that we create for ourselves or follow the rules set by others and do so even when no one is looking.  Having this type of discipline shows that we have respect for ourselves and for others.  In fact the great thing about this is that this type of discipline and respect for ourselves will give us the opportunity to succeed. 

So here is an assignment to think about.  List some of the rules that are important to you to follow.  They may be self imposed or those from external sources.  Then rate yourself on a scale of 1 – 10 on your tendency to show discipline by following those rules – even when no one is looking. 

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Appreciation: with gratitude

Appreciation is what we are discussing this month at Balanced Life Skills. By showing respect and gratitude for the people, things and places in our lives we can bring a smile and good feeling to both the recipient and to ourselves.
One way of demonstrating appreciation is to say thank you. We can do this when someone has been kind to us, helped us out when we needed it, provided a gift for us or any other act that touches our heart. This is where it gets interesting.
In our busy lives we forget to say thank you or somehow the gift we are given is not really seen as a gift or not valued as it might be. As a leader it is so important to show our appreciation and gratitude as this is a motivator for those around us to do their very best.
If we are a parent we are a leader of the most precious kind. Our recognition of real things in our children – not just saying things to make them feel good – is one way of teaching and encouraging our children to be aware of the things around them that are of value that they can show appreciation and respect for.
Lets try our best not to take the actions or words of others for granted. Lets spend the next 30 days being aware of the special things others do for us and then take the time to express our appreciation.

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Focus on listening shows respect

All of us like to be heard, listened to and shown respect for our thoughts.  This is true, whether we are 3 years old or 83 years old.  While we know how to listen with respect, (eyes on the person, nodding at appropriate times, engaged in the conversation), as parents we need to be sure we follow those rules when we are being spoken to by our children no matter what their age.  It was very funny in the classes this past week, that all the kids knew the answers about how to listen and they were very engaged when we talked about a person who was looking at others or fidgeting when they were trying to talk.
The reason I found that amusing was that I find myself doing that from time to time.  Listening is such an important skill and one that I am continuing to work on.  I told some parents this week that sometimes I find myself not devoting my whole self to the person I am talking to especially when we are in between classes and there is so much activity.  Just to let you know that I am aware of this and I am working on keeping my focus on the conversation and the person I am talking to.  Don’t you just love the lessons the ‘kids’ are learning!!!!

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An easy way to avoid bullying

This week we talked about using respect in the way we speak to others.  We all know that the words we use and the tone of voice we use speaks volumes in the way we are perceived.  If we use words that show good manners, we are perceived as being respectful.  If we complement others on a regular basis we are perceived as respectful.  I mentioned to many of the children that using those two ways of showing respect may at times be the difference in being bullied or being perceived as a good guy (gal) and not bullied.  Of course this has to be the way we do things all the time and not just when we are trying to escape a bad situation.  Especially in regard to giving complements.
I encourage all of us to be free with and willing to see the value in others, notice their talents, or efforts and then tell them.  It will make them feel good and us too.

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Influences on Respect

The development of respect in our children is affected by a number of different factors.  As usual there is never just one thing that is going to be the difference maker.  Generally there will be a number of influences that affect this part of character development in our students.

  1. Seeing respectful behavior modeled.
  2. The trust factor (kids trust of adults)
  3. Role models our children have
  4. Language that our kids are exposed to
  5. Effect of the media and what is accepted as ‘normal’
  6. How are children are treated

If you would like to read some thoughts about influences on respect, Click here.
The good news is respect can be taught to our children.  Respect is really based on that golden rule of treating others the way we want to be treated.  When they learn that everyone has the right to be treated in a positive and caring way, they are also learning that they can and should respect themselves too.
How can we help our children understand the meaning, value and behaviors of respect?  Their success in every arena of their life is dependent on making respect a part of their lives without our prompting and reinforcement.  During the rest of this month I will post some ways that we can teach respect to our children and students.

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Respect

Young students

Respect means “I treat others the way I want them to treat me”

Older students, teens, adults:

Respect means showing appreciation for the value in ourselves and others.
“Treating others the way you want to be treated.”