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Life Skills: 5 ways Parents Can Teach Perseverance

Teaching character and life skills to students

Now we have learned that the inner drive the child has to stick with something until they have learned it, whether it is riding a bike, swimming, math, reading, or how to be a good friend, is the key to achievement, the question is “How Can I as A Parent Teach My Child To Stick With Their Goals?” Here are 5 ways to help build the quality of perseverance in your child:

  1. Praise their efforts when they stick with something they are trying to do.
  2. Emphasize effort over grades when they bring their papers home from school
  3. Point out the example of others who have overcome obstacles and stuck with a project
  4. Set the example and talk about your own efforts to keep working on something you are trying to accomplish.
  5. Praise the hard work they put into a project more than the results and the end product.

    If we reinforce that success is built on effort and hard work, doing the best that we can consistently and over time, our children will develop the quality of perseverance.

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    Life Skills: – Perseverance is the Best Predictor of Success

    Teaching character and life skills to students
    In a study done by a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, Harold Stevenson,  it was found that children in the United States, China, Japan, and Taiwan had marked differences in their achievement levels.  The question that was asked was “why the difference in American children and those from Asian countries”.

    The answer lied in what parents emphasized with their children’s learning and parenting styles.  Now before you think this is a vote for the Tiger Mom mentality, it is not.  But here are the differences in the parenting styles.

    The Asian parents emphasized the value of effort with their children.  Their message was that if you stick with it, work hard on the problem, you will be successful.  Their expectation of the student was to not give up – and they would get the good grades they were expected to get.   The result was that the Asian children worked longer and harder because they believed that their success was based on how hard they worked.

    Contrast that with the American children, whose parents were more likely to place emphasis on a child’s innate ability, allowing them to under perform as their parents lowered their academic expectations.  Couple that with the questions American parents are more likely to ask, “Did you win?”, “How many A’s did you get on your report card?”, we end up teaching our children that the end product – the grade, winning, getting the trophy or belt in martial arts – is more important than the journey and the effort and process that got you to the point that you were able to achieve.

    What would make a difference in our children’s success in school and in life?  What if instead we emphasized the long term effect of putting forth your best effort, and sticking with a problem till it was solved and to learn from the mistakes we make along the way as we reach for our goals.  If our children learn from an early age that if they put their hearts and souls into whatever they need to achieve, they will be successful.  No more excuses permitted.  Yes it may take us a little longer, but in the end the satisfaction of the journey and knowing that it is the effort that counts the most – that it is not just the end goal, and we will find satisfaction in our accomplishments.

    This is so in line with how the martial arts is taught at Balanced Life Skills. While there are many martial arts schools that sell black belt programs (you put in 2-4 years and we will give you a black belt), Balanced Life Skills is based on putting in the work and seeing the results of the effort each student makes.  It is a journey that we can learn so much from as we travel the road to being a better person.  It is a journey that every student and parent can learn from in other parts of their life.  We are not going to get it right the first time or even the 50th time.  But if we put forth the effort and do not quit, we will be successful.

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    Life Skills: Perseverance, Effort & Hard Work Will Lead to Reaching Your Goals

    Teaching character and life skills to students

    When a martial arts school talks about perseverance you might think that it would be about doing push ups without stopping or some other kind of physical activity.  While learning not to quit, even if you get tired, is one way of learning about perseverance and reaching goals, developing perseverance in ourselves and our children is one of the factors that will determine future success.

    The ability to stick to our goals until they are reached along with the effort and hard work required, has more to do with accomplishments than does getting into a prestigious university.  Children do not learn this all by themselves.  As parents we have a great influence on what our children will value, whether it will be effort and hard work or in getting the perfect grade or winning.

    Think about what the effects on ourselves or our children if we were not afraid of making a mistake, and saw that if we stuck with something that we could make a success of our efforts and reach our goals.  Unfortunately too many parents only ask the questions about ‘what is the grade you got’, ‘did you win’?  Imagine if the effort and perseverance a child or ourselves put into a project or goal was just as important to us as the end product of what grade or score we ended up with?

    During this month we will discuss what it means to keep going and not quit, when is it reasonable to allow a child to quit an activity, what gets in the way of persevering, what keeps us going and what the benefits are of not giving up.  This month is not going to be just about  not quitting on our push ups and sit ups, it will be about setting goals for ourselves and finding a way to reach them – even if it takes more effort than we thought.

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    Life Skills: Perseverance – Definition

    Each month we define and discuss a word of character development and life skill with all of our students.

    This month the word is Perseverance and will be defined this way.

    Young students: Perseverance means: When things get tough I don’t give up!

    Older students: Perseverance means: Never quitting; sticking with your goals until they are achieved.

    Here are the worksheets for our students:

    Continue reading “Life Skills: Perseverance – Definition”

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    Goal setting: Fall down 7, Get up 8

    One of the most difficult parenting challenges we have is seeing our child fail at a task that we know that they really want to achieve.  In fact many parents have a tendency to do everything in their power to not allow their child fail – at almost anything.  We have discussed before how important it is for children to learn that failure is part of life and that we can reorganize and try again.  I am reminded of Thomas Edison, who after his factory burned to the ground said something to the affect of, that now they could get started on some new and better ideas.

    This is a good time of the year as we look at what we have done this year and see the areas of our own failure to reach a goal to evaluate how we will react.  Our own reaction will teach our children how to reevaluate and move forward.  Take a look at this acronym and use it as a guide to moving forward.

    F – finalize your goal

    O – order your plans

    R – risk failing by taking action

    W – welcome mistakes

    A – advance based on your character

    R – reevaluate your progress continually

    D – develop new strategies to succeed

    If you stay determined, and are willing to get up when you have been knocked down, you will achieve not only your goals but also your dreams.

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    Alabama, UBBT, Mr. Joe

    This morning I am about 24 hours away from leaving for Alabama to spend 5 days with like minded martial artist in a setting that many would ask, “What does that have to do with martial arts?”
    It is a learning experience for me.  It is an opportunity for me to take the lessons I have learned on the mat like perseverance and put them into application in the real world.  In this setting I can see the lessons my instructor is teaching in action.  Taking all of the organizational, motivational and deep thinking skills and putting them into practice.
    It is a time to demonstrate acts of kindness and peace and to honor those before us who have done the same.  Martial arts may be about self defense, but in fact it is kindness, empathy, tolerance and celebration of differences that create peace.  If the ideal meaning of health is energy –  the ideal meaning of peace is happiness.
    This trip is also a lesson in teaching leadership.  Leadership is demonstrated by doing not just by sitting in a classroom and learning techniques of making people listen to you.  The lessons I would like for all of our students to learn is about leadership.  Thinking for oneself and doing something about what we see needs to be done.
    See my journey in the UBBT at MY JOURNEY