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3 keys to communication in the family

When I talk to our students about Teamwork I point out to them that the most important team that we are on is our FAMILY.  No other team needs the cooperation and vision that our family needs for long term success of all members.  Of course the leaders of that team is Mom & Dad.  While every team leader has different responsibilities, there are a couple of foundational standards that are true for all teams and especially families.

1.  Be consistent. Whether it is setting the rules, the making of decisions or in keeping our word, consistency is one standard that team members depend on.

2.  Be clear. Set forth what the values, morals and ethics are for your family.  Setting these expectations make it clear to all what is expected and it is much easier to follow a leader with clear expectations.

3.  Be courteous. By showing respect for everyone in your family, even the child that is giving you the hardest time at that moment, as a leader you are setting the tone for the family.  Everyone in the family is watching to see how you will deal with the member of your team that is not following the rules, determining for themselves how they will be treated.  Trust and respect can be gained or lost based on our being courteous to one another.

Teams / Families always reflect their leaders.  As the leader of our team / family we set the tone for respect being shown to each other and to those on the outside.   By setting the example with consistent, clear, and courteous communication with our team, the team will be more willing to participate and voice their thoughts and feelings, which in the end is what all parents want to have with their children.

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Free perfect gift to give to our children

In the book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John Maxwell writes;

“We should work on changing ourselves before trying to improve others.”

Working to improve ourselves is a full time job.  In fact so much so that my mentor and instructor, Mr. Tom Callos has many times said to me and others, that whatever it is that you need to work on for yourself, you should bring your students along and have them work along with you.

Every time that I research or write about a subject, I find myself looking at myself and finding ways for me to improve in those areas.  Whether we are a parent, instructor or a 7 year old with a younger sibling, all of us have a responsibility to ourselves and to those looking up to us.  That responsibility is not just to tell them what to do, but to demonstrate in our daily lives how to do it.

Yes we are going to fail from time to time, but that is a lesson for them too.  When I fail what shall I do?  Fall down 7 get up 8.   The gift that all of us can give our children, students and others in our sphere of influence, is being a good example.

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Tolerance: Be the example

The best way always to teach a characteristic is to be the example daily.  When your child is looking and listening to you what do they hear and see?  You can ask yourself,  If my child only had my behavior and speech to copy, am I setting the example I would like to see them grow up to be?   Yes it is a big job.  But that is what parenting is all about.  It is like a big test everyday.  Building tolerance is one of the things we can do to have an effect on creating peace in our family, community and ultimately the world.

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Tolerance: Commit to raise a tolerant child

Planning our parenting is so important.  If we just let it happen, thinking that we will deal with this later, or believing that our kids already know this or that, we will end up with results other than what we would have chosen.  If we want our children to be tolerant – then we must plan our efforts to teach respect and appreciation for diversity, and adopt a conviction to raise our child that way.
Children only need to know our expectations and they will live up to them.  I will discuss this in a later post in more detail, but for the time lets just say we must do the following to attain this goal:

  • Celebrate differences early on
  • Expose your child to diversity
  • Give simple, straightforward answers to questions about differences.
  • Help your child look for similarities.

If you do these four things your child will begin to embrace your principles.