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Bully Prevention: Teacher Strategies For Handling Bullying In the Classroom

For teachers, the classroom is a mix of many personalities and abilities of the students.  Teachers are expected to fill many roles in their efforts to care for the academic needs of the students and yet we know that just having ‘knowledge’ is not the key to success in life.  As children get older and move into the t’weens age, social issues arise and they can have a definite affect on the ability of a student to learn.  While social intelligence is not the ‘responsibility’ of the teacher, the best teachers are those that reach their students in ways beyond facts and figures. 

Maintaining peace in the classroom will call for the teacher to be aware of the personalities and any interactions that are not leading to a good learning environment for even one of the students.  But how should a teacher react if they observe or suspect that some form of bullying behavior is taking place?  This will depend on many other factors including the age and gender of the students, how others who observe the actions are reacting and the nature of the bullying behavior.

One thing is for sure though, and that is that doing nothing or ignoring the incident will only empower those acting out and reinforces the bullying behavior.  It also sends a message to all the other students.  Unfortunately many students already believe that teachers won’t do anything or just are not interested.  I know that is not true of most teachers,  but that is the feeling of many students.  To create the safe environment you want in your classroom and school, we must act, but the question is, How?

I have started a website / social network – Bully Prevention Partners – to discuss such questions for all involved, including teachers, parents and students.  I will be posting strategies for parents and teachers as well as running training programs for students in bully prevention.   If you are interested in joining our efforts to create peaceful classrooms and positive learning environments for all students, please join in the conversation.

Here is the outline for teacher intervention, with details of what to say, being posted on the Bully Prevention Partners site.

1. Say out loud what you see and hear
2. Invite the parties to give more information
3. Label the behavior and note the no tolerance rule
4. Convey expectations
5. Encourage different behavior

For parents you will appreciate the steps teachers can learn to use, as in the end we are teachers too.  We want to be prepared for what may arise in our family too.  While your child may not be affected at this time by this issue, the fact is that statistics show that 75 – 80% of all students will be before they leave school.  How will you know and how will you help them?  Our goal is to get ahead of the issue with all children and students.  Do not wait till your student shows all the classic signs or maybe never tells you – but is affected in deep emotional ways.  Even those that only observe bullying taking place are affected, wondering if or when it will be them that is picked on.  Every child deserves to feel safe in their home, school and community.

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What Parents Can Do to Help Stop Bullying

Does saying “Just ignore it.”  help a child when they are being bullied?  While this is advice that has been given for years, the fact is that it does not solve the problem for the target of the bully.

In fact as the child tries to ignore the bully, the damage that is done deep on the inside of the victim may be hidden away, but is really eating away at them, as they develop self doubt, and less and less confidence.    So what can we do?

Recently the article, How to Build Confidence in Children & Stop Bullying, explored this subject.  After reading this you may want to pass this on to your friends and neighbors, as bullying is a community issue that will only be solved as we work together to improve our society.

Here is a link to the article:  http://bit.ly/lyEjML

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Verbal Judo Founder Passes Away, Leaving Us a Language to Make the World a Better Place

It is with great sadness that I must inform you of the passing of Dr. George “Doc” Thompson. For 27 years, as founder and CEO of the Verbal Judo Institute, Doc led the charge to elevate the professionalism and communication skills for crisis professionals, such as law enforcement and all first responders. His work gained many followers, in both the public and private sectors.

“The entire basis of Verbal Judo is to treat people with dignity and respect, most of all your family and close friends,” Thompson wrote in the forward to his book, “Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion.” (This book sold 250,000 copies and is scheduled for re-release later this year.) “Be ever so careful how you speak to them, as words can cut deeper and fester longer than sword wounds,” he continued. “Ironically, we often spend less energy being kind to those closest to us. Change it!”

Dr. Thompson has given us the strategies and the language to make the world a better place.

Knowing that words can cut deeper and wounds from words can last longer is the reason that Balanced Life Skills has learned from “Doc” Thompson to teach our students how to communicate when others are less than pleasant to us. Verbal Self Defense is the communication skills that everyone can learn and practice including children. It is this self defense that is the number one way we can teach our children to defend themselves from those that would like to pick on or tease them. It starts with understanding our own worth and having confidence along with “mushin”. If you do not know what “mushin” is visit us at Balanced Life Skills to see how this ancient Asian philosophy can affect how we deal with others.

If you would like to learn more about Dr. George Thompson here is a link to a summary of his life. If you would like your children to learn Verbal Judo, please contact us at Balanced Life Skills. We would love to have you be a part of our continued efforts to build a culture of peace in our schools and community.

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6 Dangerous Trends: Bullying: What is Bullying?

Bullying Prevention Begins with Knowledge About Bullying

bully prevention starts with knowledge of bullying behaviorBullying is a relationship issue where power and aggression are used to affect another person.  The bullying behavior is done intentionally and is repeated over time.  This behavior is not a one time event that can be seen as a usual type of conflict between individuals.  The person who is the aggressor develops power over the person who is the target, and as time goes on if left unchecked, the target loses power while the aggressor gains power.  The target of this behavior can become increasingly powerless to stand up for themselves.

Bullying others may give some a sense of power over their target and a feeling of importance that they may be having a difficult or perceived difficult time obtaining with more positive social behaviors.

Bullying is not a problem that only children have to deal with.  Nor is it one that is limited to boys being the perpetrator.  While bullying behavior seems to peak in middle school, it begins as early as second grade.  Teachers and parents may even be able to see signs of bullying tendency in children as young as preschool aged children.  Do not mistake though that the behavior that affords dominance and social status stops when children leave school.  This behavior may continue well into adulthood and statistics show that 60 % of children who practice bullying behavior will have criminal convictions by the age of 24.

What is your knowledge of bullying?  Take a quiz and see how many myths about bullying you hold?     What Is Your Knowledge About Bullying Quiz

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Bully Prevention: What Is a Parent To Do When a Child Does Not Stand Up For Themselves?

When your child comes home from school everyday with a story about being picked on by someone on the bus, in the classroom, on the playground it is very upsetting.  Many times we see parents who have raised these very mild mannered, sweet children who have no desire or what seems to no ability to mean to others and would rather just let these things go.  As a parent though we know that they must learn to stand up for themselves.

What do we mean by “stand up for themselves”?  When a child is “teased, chided, or picked on”, there is a little piece of them inside that is damaged, even if it is not readily visible.  This damage may very well stick with them for a very long time – well into adulthood.  For them it is important to learn to speak up and let the other person know that what they are saying or doing is not acceptable to the target.   As a parent we know that and we may even tell our child “Stand up for yourself.”

In fact as parents, we may become frustrated with our child for being unwilling to do just that.  We may tell our child do what you need to do to stand up to them, I will not be upset with you no matter what.  In effect we are saying if you need to hit them I am giving you permission to do so – because we want to see them make a stand.

Please consider the following though in regard to our mild mannered, sweet child.  If they are coming home to you and are willing to speak to you about what is going on at school and tell you how they feel about it – you are a very fortunate parent.  The problem is that if the child begins to feel your frustration with his/her unwillingness or inability to stand up for themselves, they may become unwilling to share these experiences with you, not wanting to disappoint you in any way.

What is a parent to do? Continue reading “Bully Prevention: What Is a Parent To Do When a Child Does Not Stand Up For Themselves?”

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What parents can do about childhood bullying?

In general, bullying behavior in school can be different when dealing with boys and girls.  This is a rather general statement, so there will be times when they can be the same.  While both boys and girls will experience bullying by being made fun of for the way they look, act or speak, boys will experience hitting, pushing and bumping more often than girls.

On the other hand the bullying in school by girls will be an experience of exclusion, having rumors spread, and sexual comments from both boys and other girls.  In fact while boys will target both girls and boys with bullying behavior, generally girls will more often target other girls.  In fact there is a term, relational aggression, that is used to describe their behavior that is so harmful against each other.

So what should we do if we suspect bullying is going on?  This is the time to stay calm and draw them out with questions that may encourage them to speak about their experiences and feelings.  Being aware of changes in their pattern of behavior, such as not hanging out with someone who was a close friend,  or not wanting to go to school, or walk home from school is very important for us as parents.  Many times our children will not want to discuss what is going on, not because they do not want to, but they may be embarrassed or feel like it is their fault.

So when we hear their feelings we must be careful too, not to pass it off too quickly or minimize the bullying by asking them to “just let it go”, or “it will get better”,  or making excuses for the individual that is behaving in a way to hurt the feelings or them physically.  What our child needs may not be advice as much as validation about how they are feeling at that moment.

We will want to allow our child to express how they are feeling, what their concerns are, and do our very best to understand what is going on.  We as parents want to help, in fact sometimes too much, and in so doing we get in the way of our child’s growth and personal development in conflict resolution and learning to solve their own problems that they face.

In the past many of us, including myself have given our children advice on bullying prevention like, “Just ignore the bully”,  “When they start picking on you, just walk away.”,  or “See if you can stay with a group of friends and they won’t pick on you then”.  Kids know that these are quick fix phrases that adults like to use, and while they are valid, there is other work that must be done first.

This is such a difficult thing for us to see as parents, but now is the time to remain calm and respond to our children’s needs and listen to how they are feeling.  The way you listen, hopefully calmly and thoughtfully, will determine if your child will want to or will talk to you about this issue in the future.  Be supportive, suggest that you are willing to help your son or daughter to find some other ways of dealing with the problem of bully prevention.  This is the time to acknowledge with your child that this is a difficult problem and that you know that their is no easy fix, but that you are willing to continue thinking about it and talking to them about how they can solve the problem.

You can and should come back to the conversation and see what sort of strategies your child is trying and what the response of the other person has been.  You are there to help, it just may not be the time to try to jump in and try to fix it yourself.  Now is the time to give your child the tools they need to prevent bullying without your intervention.  Is this difficult?  YES!  In the long run though it is the best and the right thing to do unless there is imminent physical threat.

Want to learn more? Follow the Bully Prevention Tips for Parents here on our Balanced Life Skills Website.  Want help implementing our suggestions: Take part in a complete 14 week program of Verbal Self Defense – that will also include some Zero Tolerance Proof physical self defense, contact us for more information for your child or a group of children.