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Life Skills: 5 ways Parents Can Teach Perseverance

Teaching character and life skills to students

Now we have learned that the inner drive the child has to stick with something until they have learned it, whether it is riding a bike, swimming, math, reading, or how to be a good friend, is the key to achievement, the question is “How Can I as A Parent Teach My Child To Stick With Their Goals?” Here are 5 ways to help build the quality of perseverance in your child:

  1. Praise their efforts when they stick with something they are trying to do.
  2. Emphasize effort over grades when they bring their papers home from school
  3. Point out the example of others who have overcome obstacles and stuck with a project
  4. Set the example and talk about your own efforts to keep working on something you are trying to accomplish.
  5. Praise the hard work they put into a project more than the results and the end product.

    If we reinforce that success is built on effort and hard work, doing the best that we can consistently and over time, our children will develop the quality of perseverance.

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    How to Reduce Stress Part 5: Building a Support System

    Have you ever felt a little down on yourself and really not sure who you can talk to?  Or maybe you have the feeling that this is a problem you should be able to handle on your own.  Sometimes we are not even really sure that there is anyone that would really understand.  When we are feeling like that – we may get very anxious and stressed out about what to do. 

    Our support system, safety net, those around us that are there for us no matter what is an important part of being able to handle those stressful moments in our life.  However they do not just show up when we need them, we must develop them long before we need to rely on them for support.  Stephen Covey and his son Sean who wrote the books on habits of successful people and teens, both talk about building relationships.  Building relationships is our safety net.  It is those people that will be there for us when times are tough.  Here are a couple of simple points about building that support system:

     

    1. Spend time together – your experiences will bring you closer
    2.   Be honest / being trustworthy raises the quality of your friendships
    3.   Be loyal / take an interest in things that are important to others
    4.   Be a good listener / Don’t be bossy or pressure others
    5.   Be willing to apologize and not always the center of all attention
    6.   Be clear about your expectations and offer to be there for others

     

    Identify those in your life that you feel like you would count on and be willing to talk to them honestly.  If you are not sure who they might be, or you do not believe you have someone in your life that fits that description, pick one important relationship in your life and work on building it into one that you are confident you can rely on.   If we have damaged those relationships in the past, it may take some time to rebuild them, but little by little we can do so.

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    Life Skills: – Perseverance is the Best Predictor of Success

    Teaching character and life skills to students
    In a study done by a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, Harold Stevenson,  it was found that children in the United States, China, Japan, and Taiwan had marked differences in their achievement levels.  The question that was asked was “why the difference in American children and those from Asian countries”.

    The answer lied in what parents emphasized with their children’s learning and parenting styles.  Now before you think this is a vote for the Tiger Mom mentality, it is not.  But here are the differences in the parenting styles.

    The Asian parents emphasized the value of effort with their children.  Their message was that if you stick with it, work hard on the problem, you will be successful.  Their expectation of the student was to not give up – and they would get the good grades they were expected to get.   The result was that the Asian children worked longer and harder because they believed that their success was based on how hard they worked.

    Contrast that with the American children, whose parents were more likely to place emphasis on a child’s innate ability, allowing them to under perform as their parents lowered their academic expectations.  Couple that with the questions American parents are more likely to ask, “Did you win?”, “How many A’s did you get on your report card?”, we end up teaching our children that the end product – the grade, winning, getting the trophy or belt in martial arts – is more important than the journey and the effort and process that got you to the point that you were able to achieve.

    What would make a difference in our children’s success in school and in life?  What if instead we emphasized the long term effect of putting forth your best effort, and sticking with a problem till it was solved and to learn from the mistakes we make along the way as we reach for our goals.  If our children learn from an early age that if they put their hearts and souls into whatever they need to achieve, they will be successful.  No more excuses permitted.  Yes it may take us a little longer, but in the end the satisfaction of the journey and knowing that it is the effort that counts the most – that it is not just the end goal, and we will find satisfaction in our accomplishments.

    This is so in line with how the martial arts is taught at Balanced Life Skills. While there are many martial arts schools that sell black belt programs (you put in 2-4 years and we will give you a black belt), Balanced Life Skills is based on putting in the work and seeing the results of the effort each student makes.  It is a journey that we can learn so much from as we travel the road to being a better person.  It is a journey that every student and parent can learn from in other parts of their life.  We are not going to get it right the first time or even the 50th time.  But if we put forth the effort and do not quit, we will be successful.

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    Colin & Gavin S. earn belts on the same day!

    Colin and Gavin are brothers.  Colin started training 2 years ago and Gavin watched until he was old enough to start just 3 months ago.  Gavin had stood on the side wanting so bad to be in class and he copied everything his brother did.  Today Colin received his Tiger Tot Black Belt & Gavin received his Yellow belt.  We were all so proud of both of them.

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    How to Reduce Stress Part 4: Being Assertive

    It may seem that being assertive has little to do with how stressed we may be feeling, but in fact if we are feeling out of control or not having enough input in decisions being made about our life, we can become very stressed about those situations.  This could be happening with friend, teachers, family or at work.

    Now every age group is going to have different levels of responsibility or even ability to make choices for themselves.  But if you are a teen or older, standing up for yourself in positive ways and expressing your feelings, needs and opinions is very freeing for your soul.  Being assertive about expressing yourself is a right that you have, but also one that comes with the responsibility to understand the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness.

    When difficult situations come up are you willing to speak up?  You may ask yourself if you are being embarrassed, bullied, lied to, or having a conflict, will you share your thoughts and feelings honestly with the other person or group?  Do you know how to do so effectively and without coming off as aggressive?

    Engaging others when you are calm, explaining your feelings and specific behaviors that are effecting you and how you feel is the beginning steps.  The use of “I” messages along with how you would like to resolve the issue is a good way of beginning the conversation, along with asking for their willingness to change their behavior or help come up with another solution.

    Holding your feelings and thoughts in for a long period of time, can only build the pressure on yourself and make you feel like you will burst. Finding a way to discuss the issues at hand in a calm manner will make you feel better about yourself and the situation and reduce the stress that you are feeling.

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    Life Skills: Perseverance, Effort & Hard Work Will Lead to Reaching Your Goals

    Teaching character and life skills to students

    When a martial arts school talks about perseverance you might think that it would be about doing push ups without stopping or some other kind of physical activity.  While learning not to quit, even if you get tired, is one way of learning about perseverance and reaching goals, developing perseverance in ourselves and our children is one of the factors that will determine future success.

    The ability to stick to our goals until they are reached along with the effort and hard work required, has more to do with accomplishments than does getting into a prestigious university.  Children do not learn this all by themselves.  As parents we have a great influence on what our children will value, whether it will be effort and hard work or in getting the perfect grade or winning.

    Think about what the effects on ourselves or our children if we were not afraid of making a mistake, and saw that if we stuck with something that we could make a success of our efforts and reach our goals.  Unfortunately too many parents only ask the questions about ‘what is the grade you got’, ‘did you win’?  Imagine if the effort and perseverance a child or ourselves put into a project or goal was just as important to us as the end product of what grade or score we ended up with?

    During this month we will discuss what it means to keep going and not quit, when is it reasonable to allow a child to quit an activity, what gets in the way of persevering, what keeps us going and what the benefits are of not giving up.  This month is not going to be just about  not quitting on our push ups and sit ups, it will be about setting goals for ourselves and finding a way to reach them – even if it takes more effort than we thought.