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Bully Prevention: Teacher Strategies For Handling Bullying In the Classroom

For teachers, the classroom is a mix of many personalities and abilities of the students.  Teachers are expected to fill many roles in their efforts to care for the academic needs of the students and yet we know that just having ‘knowledge’ is not the key to success in life.  As children get older and move into the t’weens age, social issues arise and they can have a definite affect on the ability of a student to learn.  While social intelligence is not the ‘responsibility’ of the teacher, the best teachers are those that reach their students in ways beyond facts and figures. 

Maintaining peace in the classroom will call for the teacher to be aware of the personalities and any interactions that are not leading to a good learning environment for even one of the students.  But how should a teacher react if they observe or suspect that some form of bullying behavior is taking place?  This will depend on many other factors including the age and gender of the students, how others who observe the actions are reacting and the nature of the bullying behavior.

One thing is for sure though, and that is that doing nothing or ignoring the incident will only empower those acting out and reinforces the bullying behavior.  It also sends a message to all the other students.  Unfortunately many students already believe that teachers won’t do anything or just are not interested.  I know that is not true of most teachers,  but that is the feeling of many students.  To create the safe environment you want in your classroom and school, we must act, but the question is, How?

I have started a website / social network – Bully Prevention Partners – to discuss such questions for all involved, including teachers, parents and students.  I will be posting strategies for parents and teachers as well as running training programs for students in bully prevention.   If you are interested in joining our efforts to create peaceful classrooms and positive learning environments for all students, please join in the conversation.

Here is the outline for teacher intervention, with details of what to say, being posted on the Bully Prevention Partners site.

1. Say out loud what you see and hear
2. Invite the parties to give more information
3. Label the behavior and note the no tolerance rule
4. Convey expectations
5. Encourage different behavior

For parents you will appreciate the steps teachers can learn to use, as in the end we are teachers too.  We want to be prepared for what may arise in our family too.  While your child may not be affected at this time by this issue, the fact is that statistics show that 75 – 80% of all students will be before they leave school.  How will you know and how will you help them?  Our goal is to get ahead of the issue with all children and students.  Do not wait till your student shows all the classic signs or maybe never tells you – but is affected in deep emotional ways.  Even those that only observe bullying taking place are affected, wondering if or when it will be them that is picked on.  Every child deserves to feel safe in their home, school and community.

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What Parents Can Do to Help Stop Bullying

Does saying “Just ignore it.”  help a child when they are being bullied?  While this is advice that has been given for years, the fact is that it does not solve the problem for the target of the bully.

In fact as the child tries to ignore the bully, the damage that is done deep on the inside of the victim may be hidden away, but is really eating away at them, as they develop self doubt, and less and less confidence.    So what can we do?

Recently the article, How to Build Confidence in Children & Stop Bullying, explored this subject.  After reading this you may want to pass this on to your friends and neighbors, as bullying is a community issue that will only be solved as we work together to improve our society.

Here is a link to the article:  http://bit.ly/lyEjML

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“You can’t play with us” – what can you do about young girls who bully?

If you are bullied as a young child will you continue to be bullied as you go into your teen years and beyond?  In 2009 there was a study done that indicates that for boys who were victims of bullying at the age between 6 and 9, they were no more likely to continue to be victims 2 -4 years later.  However this was not the case for girls.

“The researchers said that girls’ “tightly knit” friendship networks could make it difficult for them to “escape the victimization role”. *

As we look at the behavior of young girls even in pre-school developing habits of excluding each other, we need to recognize the long term affects on both of them.  For those who are the target of the exclusion with, “you can’t play with us”, this is a very confusing time.  This type of behavior is not just a ‘rite of passage’,  or ‘girls being girls’, anymore than a boy who continues to hit another boy should be allowed to do so.  This sort of aggression should be taken as seriously as any other type of aggression.  

If a young girl takes on a role of ‘victim’ this may be taken into all of her relationships including into who she dates and possibly marries.  So what can we do?

Parents and teachers should be aware of the formation of these close ties that exclude others and suggest that if they want a special time to play together, that can be arranged, but we are now going to play in a manner that is good for the whole group.

Teaching our young children to play together with respect is starting them off of the right foot.  If we as parents take a strong stand on friendships, exclusions, and respect for the feelings of others, our children will respond to those values.

Balanced Life Skills is working on bully prevention and more important on character building in all of our students.  Do you have a story about bullying that you would share with us?  The more information we have on what is happening in our community, the better we can prepare our children to be better citizens.

Social network: Stop Bullies Now

Forum question:  Has your child been bullied in school?

Thank you for your help and be sure to send these links to your friends as we work to build a community against bullying behavior.

*Wolke, D., Woods, S., & Samara, M. (2009). Who escapes or remains a victim of bullying in primary school? British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 27 (4), 835-851 DOI:

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Are Pre-School Children Being Bullied?

The simple answer is YES!  Having said that though, some of the teasing that takes place with pre-school children is not bullying in the classic sense and definition.  It may be young ones just trying on their social skills and not yet having them honed yet.  The definition of bullying is the intentional use of power over another person to manipulate or hurt the target physically or emotionally over a period of time.  Therefore it is something that is taking place on more than one ocassion.

pre-school bullies hurt parents and children

Increasingly though we are seeing and hearing reports of pre-school children repeatedly picking on, teasing and physically hurting other children in their class or on the playground.  In an effort to understand what is happening to our children and then to offer suggestions to resolve these issues with parents and teachers I am interested in hearing the stories from you about what has happened to your child or to someone you have seen.  What have you done to resolve the issues?  How have teachers and administrators reacted when you have discussed the questions about bullying?  For the teachers, how do you deal with this conduct when you see it in your classes or playground?

What is your story?  Were you bullied as a small child?  Is your son or daughter being teased on a regular basis or being bullied in another way? Tell your story here as we work on changing the culture in our communities.

Continue to check back as we work on this subject of helping our children build the character and courage to be their best.

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Advice for Parents: If you suspect your child is being harassed digitally

bully prevention starts with knowledge of bullying behaviorIf you don’t think your child is being harassed take a note of this:
50% of people ages 14-24 have experienced digitally abusive behavior. *
61% of those who have sent a naked photo or video of themselves have been pressured by someone to do so at least once.*
*2009 poll conducted by MTV
Digital harassment is when technology and electronic communication devices are used to “stay in touch” – but the relationship has become manipulative and controlling.  If someone is feeling badgered or threatened this is a form of cyber-bullying and many times takes place between two people in a romantic relationship.  Many times  there are demands for passwords, inappropriate photos, requests for one of the parties not to be a friend to another on a social website or it may become a time when lies / rumors are spread or someone is being impersonated.

In the 2009 poll conducted by MTV it was found that those being targeted by this sort of harassment may not want to come to school anymore, may engage in risky behavior or even have ideation of suicide.  For parents this is a time for you to stay close to your teen and support them, with discussions about online safety and reminding them that you are there for them.  You may also want to encourage your child to be willing to talk to other trusted adults such as a teacher or counselor at school.  Help them to to set boundaries that they are comfortable with.  Most of the time when photos are sent, passwords shared or other inappropriate acts take place on line it happens after there has been pressure put on the student by one or more other students.

Here are a couple of resources that may be of help to you and your family. Continue reading “Advice for Parents: If you suspect your child is being harassed digitally”

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Bully Prevention: What Is a Parent To Do When a Child Does Not Stand Up For Themselves?

When your child comes home from school everyday with a story about being picked on by someone on the bus, in the classroom, on the playground it is very upsetting.  Many times we see parents who have raised these very mild mannered, sweet children who have no desire or what seems to no ability to mean to others and would rather just let these things go.  As a parent though we know that they must learn to stand up for themselves.

What do we mean by “stand up for themselves”?  When a child is “teased, chided, or picked on”, there is a little piece of them inside that is damaged, even if it is not readily visible.  This damage may very well stick with them for a very long time – well into adulthood.  For them it is important to learn to speak up and let the other person know that what they are saying or doing is not acceptable to the target.   As a parent we know that and we may even tell our child “Stand up for yourself.”

In fact as parents, we may become frustrated with our child for being unwilling to do just that.  We may tell our child do what you need to do to stand up to them, I will not be upset with you no matter what.  In effect we are saying if you need to hit them I am giving you permission to do so – because we want to see them make a stand.

Please consider the following though in regard to our mild mannered, sweet child.  If they are coming home to you and are willing to speak to you about what is going on at school and tell you how they feel about it – you are a very fortunate parent.  The problem is that if the child begins to feel your frustration with his/her unwillingness or inability to stand up for themselves, they may become unwilling to share these experiences with you, not wanting to disappoint you in any way.

What is a parent to do? Continue reading “Bully Prevention: What Is a Parent To Do When a Child Does Not Stand Up For Themselves?”