Category: Gifts of Character

I simply cannot get this thought of kindness out of my head. We spent the month talking about “doing” acts of kindness, how we could show kindness to pets, siblings, parents, teachers – even to ourselves, in so many ways. But the thought that keeps coming to me is, We would not have to talk about “doing” if we were just “being” kind.

The question that keeps coming up to me is it possible that we use “doing” as a way of showing what we have produced, or how important we are, or how good we are. What about someone who is unable to “do” – due to physical limitations, restricted to a wheelchair or bed, paralyzed, maybe without speech?  Could it be that more important than what others see us do, is what we give others in “who we are”, our “being”?

What would happen if instead of trying to prove how kind we are by our “doing”, we were productive and effective by relaxing and allowed our kindness that is a part of each of us just “be”?  How is this implemented? What is the difference of doing and being kind?

Anyone can do an act that is perceived as kindness. Being requires that we develop empathy and compassion. Being is understanding what someone is saying and not saying and getting them as a person. Being kind is about an awareness of our thoughts and actions and the affect that they have on others. Being kind is not just doing kind acts toward others but is truly about becoming that person on a very deep level.

Has anyone else thought about the difference of being and doing or struggled with themselves, asking am I doing or am I being?

A critical part of kindness is putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, an empathetic component. In the lives of children, it’s about asking them to imagine how they would feel in a variety of circumstances. If they were being left out how would they feel? If they were the teacher of a classroom and the students were being rude, how would they feel? If they fell down and the other kids started laughing, how would they feel? These questions will elicit a response that you can discuss with your children.

Let’s use the first question as an example: If they were being left out how would they feel? Chances are pretty likely the answer will be something in the arena of sad or mad. With that information you can launch a discussion about how inclusion and kindness are always the key to happiness for all parties involved. Follow this up by posing the question, “So, if you see a child being left out what can you do?” Let your child lead the discussion and give supportive information as necessary.

As children start to grasp the consequences of their actions or inaction, they will start to see how kindness is always the correct option. They will start to understand what it would feel like to be on the negative end of these situations and how a reaction of kindness can reverse the pattern bringing joy instead of sadness.

Talk to your children about the people in their lives that show them kindness, ask them to come up with a list of kindness givers. It may be eye-opening for them to realize all of the ways that people are kind. Ask your children how each of these acts of kindness impacted their lives.

Through this discussion your children may truly take to heart all the kindness that has been showered on them. They may want to give thanks to those people, and isn’t that wonderful? Encourage that. Also, talk to them about how they too can be on someone else’s list of kindness givers. Let them take the lead and come up with ideas. Let your children, through empathetic reasoning, become the kindness givers they can certainly be.

Do we really want to talk to our kids about being mean? The answer to this question is yes! In order to comprehensively teach children about kindness, they also have to grasp the concept of mean-spiritedness, its consequences and often-times its devastating results.

Unfortunately all of us, including our children, have to deal with individuals that exhibit hurtful behavior. It is important for our children to understand that any type of mean behavior that they initiate either on their own or in a group setting can have a strong, negative impact on the recipient. They must grasp that this type of behavior is aggressive, may become bullying or even abuse – none of which is ever acceptable.

A nice exercise to do with your children regarding this topic starts with giving them some examples and asking them what they think the recipient of that behavior may feel. This is a great way to hear their thoughts, and get a meaningful discussion started regarding kindness vs. mean-spirited behavior. Some ideas to get the creative juices flowing:

• A group of children are playing and another child wants to join in, but the group will not allow the child to play, and they start laughing and making fun of the other child.
• A student is called on in class and doesn’t know the answer, and a bunch of kids start whispering and laughing.
• There is a child that is new to the class and is standing on the side of the playground with no one to play with. One of the boys in the class goes over to him and asks if he wants to play.
• A child is walking down the hallway and trips. One of the kids walking in the other direction helps him up.

You’ll note that two mean-spirited and two kindness examples are listed. Following these examples, let your children come up with their own examples and the impact on the recipient, both positive and negative. Encourage a discussion of behavior they have seen and even behavior they themselves have exhibited. If they share instances where they exhibited mean behavior, keep an open mind and ask them what they can do differently next time. Always keep the conversation going in a positive manner about better choices.

When it comes to kind or mean-spirited behavior there’s always a choice. Your children will have to make these choices every day. Through discussion you can help your children uncover the right actions on their own, where kindness is always the chosen option.

The acts of kindness challenge is on. We are challenging our community of children and students to complete a “ninja” style act of kindness. Everyone or anyone can do this! Here is how it works,

Take a piece of paper, write a special note to someone – your mom, dad, teacher, brother or sister or a friend. The note will tell them how awesome they are, thank them for being so cool or some other special message. Then hide it somewhere in their pocket, next to their toothbrush, in a drawer, anywhere they would be surprised to get it. Here is the deal though – Don’t get caught putting it there – ninja style. Then wait to see what happens.

An act of kindness does not have to be big or expensive. It just needs to make someone smile. Can you make someone smile today?

Leading by example, it’s something we try to do for our children in many different areas of life. In a way, by doing this we become a leader as we direct the way for our children. Something that your children may not be aware of is that they can be leaders as well, leaders of kindness, and this is something that you can not only support but encourage.

In this world we need individuals who will step up and guide others in the positive aspects of life, one of the most important areas being kindness, as kindness is the promoter of peace. So how can your children be kindness leaders? Through demonstrating kind acts to peers they are leading the way, they are showing their friends how easy being kind can be and what an impact it can have. By helping a classmate who has too many books in his hands to carry, to helping a smaller child find his way to a classroom, these are examples of kindness and can occur spontaneously as random acts of kindness as your children see opportunities.

As you display random acts of kindness in your life, your children notice. Encourage your children to do the same and let them know when they do something kind, their friends notice as well. To encourage kindness, let your children take the lead so they can truly be leaders. Let them come up with ideas while you support their ideas. By doing this, letting them come up with the ideas rather than telling, you are giving your children confidence as kindness leaders.

After your children come up with some ideas, come up with some ideas for yourself, ways that you may be able to show acts of kindness. Ultimately each of you can share these acts of kindness after they happen. And what a joy it will be to watch your children light up as they discover for themselves what it means to lead others in kindness, making the world a better place, one small act at a time.