Distractions That Keep Us From Achieving Our Goals
Losing our focus on our goals can not only be frustrating, it can put our goals out of reach and even worse, our lack of focus can become a habit. There is an interesting quote from Will Durant that says, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”
Losing focus on our goal or our assignment that we are working on can happen with simple things that get in the way. We may get distracted checking email, text messages, social media, watching a video or going off on a wild search on a search engine. When we allow ourselves to get constantly distracted by outside happenings, it can become a habit or a way of doing things.
When we set a goal for ourselves to accomplish a certain task we may need to use several focusing techniques. We may create a list, prioritize, set a timer, take a few deep breaths – what ever we need to do to stay on task. If we lack focus we are less likely to accomplish what we want most to accomplish and really get frustrated.
At that point we may want to ask ourselves if there are other issues that we need to look at. – fear of failure, success, someone getting angry with us? Are we angry about an unresolved issue? Do we need to look deeply at our life so we can get focused on our greatest dreams and cares?
Focusing on our goals will bring accomplishments and failure to do so will create consequences that will not feel so good.
Personal Conflict – Which Need Is Not Being Met?
In every personal conflict, with children or adults, it always comes down to at least one if not both of the parties not getting one of their basic needs met. If you are a parent you know that it is far more likely for a young child to be cranky and difficult if they are tired or hungry. In effect they are saying, “I need to sleep or eat now!”. That really is not just a child thing either. My wife says to me, “are you getting hungry?”, when I start getting cranky. She sees it many times prior to me being aware of it happening.
However there are other needs that are not as simple to identify in times of conflict that may be triggering our angry behaviors. Every human has the need for certainty in their life. If we are unsure of what is happening or how things will turn out, for some this will trigger angry behavior. At the same time all of us have a need for uncertainty, meaning we need variety in our life. If we do not get that need met, we will feel bored and life will be monotonous. When some get bored they may get angry.
Another need that every human has is the need for love and connection. If we feel we are not being loved or our connections are not as strong as we desire, our behavior will reflect this need not being met. Everyone also has a need to feel significant and we will find a way to get this need met either in a healthy or unhealthy way. In fact all of these needs will be met either in a healthy or unhealthy way. When they are not being met – they can trigger in us anger, anxiety, depression and all other sorts of emotional reactions.
When we find ourselves in a conflict we will want to ask ourselves, what need do I have that is not being met? We also want to consider the other person too, what need do they have that is not being met? Each person is unique in their needs. One person may crave certainty more than uncertainty and it will show itself in them with more anxiety. There are two more needs that every human has and learning about all of them is key to managing our own emotional health.
At Balanced Life Skills we believe that working on our whole self is key to a balanced life, for ourselves and our children. We are prepared to help parents and children to find this peace in their life.
Who is more angry, men, women or children?
While this has been a question that has been discussed for many years and with differing results, social norms or the expectations of society have tainted our views and actions. One of the issues that comes up is the acceptance of the emotion of anger in men. It is accepted and even seen as a good thing for men to express their anger. It is seen by many as showing their strength. In fact it is encouraged beginning with the games boys are encouraged to play, and venting of their anger is taken out with the way business is conducted, hunting, play or real fighting, and other aggressive acts. All of this grows into a feeling that anger and aggression is normal for men and this norm is reinforced by the media.
On the other hand women have for many years been told it is important for them to be nice, and good girls, don’t rock the boat. They have been the peacemakers and not allowed to express their anger as openly as men, as this would not be lady-like. Though repressed in so many ways, in the last 150 years though, the more open assertion for equality and voicing their opinions, may make some in society feel that women are more angry.
When looked at in totality every human needs education about anger and in particular their own anger and triggers of that emotion. Anger is normal – it is the way it is expressed that creates the problems for us in our relationships. Which brings us to our children. Are they more angry today then they were in the past?
I personally believe that children are more angry today than ever before. They learn so much from the examples of the adults around them; parents, teachers, coaches, drivers on the road, media, games they are playing. They see so many bad examples and then are told to “be good”, not to be aggressive, stop yelling, etc… and they are confused. Out of the confusion of what is right or wrong comes hurt, fear, pain and anger. Our whole society is more angry than ever before and each generation seems to be having more difficulty with this emotion.
The solution seems to need to begin with anger management education for parents and children. Education for teachers and students, coaches and players. Each one of us can take the steps to understand our own anger and get educated in helping ourselves and our children.
Bay Babies In Need: Understanding Poverty in Anne Arundel County
I wanted to share with everyone a great service project that has been created by a student at South River High School. It is a much needed service and one that all of us could help out with. Please support Siena and Food Link by supplying essential items to struggling families with newborns through Food Link’s Emergency Baby Pantry program. At the same time, increasing awareness of poverty in Anne Arundel County. Siena says, “My hope is to change the face of poverty so that we may be more tolerant and understanding of those in need.”
Check out Siena’s video:
The Connection of Stress, Focus & Time Management
Stress is felt by individuals of all ages. When asked about stress in their lives, 9 year olds and up all admitted that the number of activities they had and deadlines to meet all brought not just stressful feelings, but created an inability to focus on one thing at a time. As we investigate that even further though, not focusing was really exasperated by a lack of time management.
The lack of time management and organizational skills is really the result of not prioritizing the important things that need to be done. When discussing this with students they have much to do on any given day; homework, practice an instrument, practice martial arts, eat dinner, cleaning their room, chores, playing with friends, etc… Which one should be done first and in what order?
One of the most effective way I have seen for prioritizing is to make your list on any given day of the activities needed to be accomplished and then choose either the one that takes the most time or the one that is hardest for us to do and doing that item first. Once that difficult one is complete everything else seems a lot easier.
Planning also comes into the equation. So many times we may have a project, school or work, and we know it is coming but we procrastinate on getting started until there is no time left and then the stress levels go up and focus goes down. Learning to plan ahead, either with doing a little everyday or setting aside a time to plan, to work on and to complete the project – with some leeway – will reduce the stress and allow us to get other items done that are on our must do list. I often use the Ultimate Black Belt Test as an example of doing a little everyday to create a much larger result. Part of the test was 52,0000 push ups and sit ups. If you miss a week you are 1,000 behind. Do just 150 per day and you complete ahead of schedule.