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3 Steps to get past the fear of not being enough

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles that get in the way of us reaching the goals we hope or would like to achieve in our life. However it is not fear that is bad, but what we fear and how we keep listening to the fear mongers in our head – or are they on our shoulder? – that hold us back from accomplishing goals in our life. However, even those voices in our head that we hear and dissuade us from taking action are not all bad. They started off as warning signals, as a way of keeping us safe, even helping us to survive.

After listening to these thoughts for long enough though, they become encoded in our brain so much that our thinking gets hijacked so that we stop thinking about whether they are true or not, we just feel, think and act on their messages. All of us have them – I think I may have a whole busload of them telling me that I am not enough in so many ways. Have you had that happen to you?

If we are going to live a fulfilled, balanced life we need to be able to stop the gremlins, fear mongering, saboteurs that are telling us that we are not good enough, smart enough, safe enough or a whole lot of other things that they like to use to hold us back from living a life full of enthusiasm, joy, and love – a life that we design for ourselves.

The way we do that is a three-step process:

Step One: Know it

What does your gremlin like to say? Do you have the Inner Critic, the you have to be perfect, the what if they don’t like me, the guilt tripper or the danger-danger! voice in your head, shoulder, behind you or wherever it is. When does it show up?

Step Two: Name it

What does it look like? What would you like to name it?  

Step Three: Own it

What gifts and challenges does “it” bring? What would you like to say to this gremlin and when will you say it? What are you willing to commit to that will help you to tame this monster?

If your goal is to live a fulfilled and balanced life, we no longer need these gremlins around, hijacking our dreams. You can do with them whatever you would like to do, befriend them or get rid of them.

Would you like the help of a coach? I can help you identify what is holding you back from living the full balanced life you want to live. While I have worked with parents and children for over 20 years I am now taking a course for accreditation with the International Coaches Federation (ICF) at Anne Arundel Community College and part of the process is to account for 100 hours of coaching, both paid and unpaid. I’m still on the unpaid part.

I would love to coach you. Learn more here.

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Dig for this treasure – find a fulfilling life!

 

We have often talked about the desire that parents have for their children to grow up to be safe, healthy, successful and happy. In our process of doing everything we can to make that possible for our children, there are times that we forget or put on the side our own desire to feel fulfillment and balance in our life as parents. We are people too! And as individuals sometimes we make choices that are not in line with who we are and what we value, just to get things done.

Every choice we make has an impact on our lives and that of our children. It takes courage and commitment to make choices so that we feel fulfilled and balanced. So many things come up that create barriers, pressuring us to make quick decisions without having the time to think about how it might connect, contribute to or upset the balance of life.

If there is one thing I have learned about a balanced, fulfilling life, one that is full of meaning, purpose, and satisfaction, it is that it is not about things or even accomplishments. We cannot fill the gap in satisfaction with a better job, a bigger or smaller car, a special vacation. Living a balanced fulfilling life is available every day of our lives, just not by filling our life with things. Nor is it just about feeling great all the time. Some of our most fulfilling moments are when challenges have been faced and we have struggled and worked through them, coming out stronger. You may have been there and felt a sense of inner peace for living what you valued.

Fulfillment in life is about being whole, complete. It comes when our actions and purpose, mission, vision are aligned. Connecting our vision for ourselves and family with actions that use our talents and gifts – all aligned with our values, living our highest virtues, making choices and raising our family so that our children learn to make choices also based on being their best selves.

  • What would it take to be fulfilled?
  • What is your vision
  • Who are you becoming?
  • What are your top three values that guide your choices?

Begin the process of creating a balanced and fulfilled life.

  • Take your time and make a list of what you value.
  • Rank them and choose your top three.
  • Then ask yourself, “Which values show up in my choices? Which values do I sometimes neglect?”

Would you like the help of a coach? I can help you find the treasure of clarifying the values that will guide you to a fulfilling life. While I have worked with parents and children for over 20 years I am now taking a course for accreditation with the International Coaches Federation (ICF) at Anne Arundel Community College and part of the process is to account for 100 hours of coaching, both paid and unpaid. I’m still on the unpaid part.

I would love to coach you. Learn more here.

Set up an appointment here: https://calendly.com/joevandeuren