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Anger: Do You Explode or Implode?

urlMany times parents will say to me that their child holds it all in and does not express themselves and other parents are concerned because their child seems to be set off very easily and are not shy about expressing their anger.  Neither approach is healthy!

The exploder is the person who can go from zero to one hundred in a split second. Their anger many times does not seem rational. It is aggressive and in this high state of emotion they become a danger to those around them and a danger to themselves. Many times they will apologize afterwards and may express regret for their behavior.  When we think of a picture of anger being demonstrated we think about exploders.

The imploder will bottle up their anger, for long periods of time and may be known as being sensitive. They in fact have a fear of anger – both their own and that of others but can get so filled with anger that they explode also. It is like the anger can no longer be contained and it spills out all over the place. As an observer we may not even see it coming.  There is a great deal of harm done to ourselves when we keep all that anger inside ourselves, both physically and emotionally.

Do you recognize either of these in yourself or in your children?  Learning to manage our anger is a step by step process. We can learn to be assertive without being aggressive. As parents it is our goal to model this for our children. Children can learn too how to see anger as a feeling that is normal and to express their anger in a healthy manner.  Teaching these skills is the key to anger management education.

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Is Yelling Safe?

If more than half of all parents are yelling at their kids, what are the results?  Is yelling any different than physical abuse?  Here is an interesting interview that is based on research done at University of Michigan and Pittsburg.

 

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Fire Prevention Week

firePrevention2013This week coming up is National Fire Prevention Week with the theme this year of “Prevent Kitchen Fires”. This time of the year is when we see the most home fires taking place for a number of reasons. New students in college dorms making careless mistakes. More cooking taking place indoors. Fireplace use goes up in the fall with increased risk.

Here are a couple of the suggestions made about preventing kitchen fires.

  • Do not walk away from anything that is cooking on the stove or the oven
  • Keep pot holders and towels away from the stove and oven while cooking
  • Do not hang flammable fabrics from the handle of the oven
  • Be sure to keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen.

Have a safety plan and escape plan and practice it at least twice each year. Timing the drills at the same time you change the batteries in your smoke detectors would be a good reminder for all in the family about fire prevention safety. If you want to learn more about fire safety – visit your local fire department. It is a fun trip for the kids!

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The Similarities of Bullying & Domestic Violence

October is Domestic Violence and Bully Prevention Month.

abuseEveryone needs to be aware of these two very similar and related methods of ABUSE .  In both domestic violence and bullying, certain behaviors are used to control another person. The behavior may occur in either a married or not married situation, it could be heterosexual, gay or lesbian, or living together, separated or dating. The behaviors may be occurring at school with kids or at home between siblings or even parents bullying kids. It even has happened at time with teachers on students. Here is a list of just some of the behaviors that are abusive that could be domestic violence or bullying:

  • name calling or put downs
  • keeping a person away from friends
  • actual or threatening physical harm
  • stalking
  • intimidation
  • sexual assault

Anyone could be a victim.  Abuse that starts as bullying as a child may grow up and either be abused or become the abuser.   It may be male on female, but can be the other way around too or male on male or female on female.

If you are being ABUSED – Remember

  • You are not alone
  • It is not your fault
  • Help is available.

For assistance with bully prevention check out our coaching,  advocacy work, and school workshops.

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Life Skills: Focus – The Definition

Teaching Children Life Skills

 

Each month we will discuss a life skill with all of our students. This month the word is Focus. This word will be defined in the following ways for our students.

 

 

Young students: Focus: “I concentrate really hard on one thing at a time – and don’t let anything distract me!”

Older students: Focus means: ”Using laser-like concentration even when there are distractions.”

Each age group has a worksheet that parents can use to continue the discussion at home with their children, and one for adults to allow them to think more deeply about the skill and how it applies to them. Would you like to receive the worksheet? Stop by our studio at 133 Gibralter Avenue in Annapolis, MD and tell us the age of your child. We will give you a worksheet and invite you to watch Mr. Joe discuss the word with the students in class.  You can also follow our discussions here on this website.

If you would like to become a member of Balanced Life Skills, come TRY CLASSES FOR FREE.   We are not your typical martial arts school, in fact we are an education center, working with our students on physical skills along with empowering families with compassion, awareness and respect. We believe in every child and build their self – confidence.  Balanced Life Skills takes part in community service and encourages each student to do the same.

Come in and talk to the parents that are here and watch the class for the age group you are interested in.

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Your Child is Feeling Anxious, Now What?

separation-anxiety-in-children-300x300In helping our child with any kind of anxiety that they may be feeling, first the child wants to know that we understand what they are feeling. The most important step as a parent is to listen to our child and ask questions about their feelings. Using our active listening skills by repeating back to them what we heard them say, determining their feelings and putting words to those feelings will be very helpful for the child to feeling understood.

The next step is to assure the child that they are not alone, others have similar feelings and you may even tell your child about a time in your childhood. Be careful though not to draw too many comparisons. Your experience and their experience are different and right now it is not about you. Assure your child that  the feeling is very bad and it is temporary – even if it does not feel that way now. The telling of your experience may end with an upbeat ending and how you were able to overcome your fear or anxiety.

Give them the support, encouragement and your own example. If we present ourselves as being very perfect to them, it may make them feel like they cannot live up to the bar you have set. This may be a cause of anxiety for them. As you model facing fears and coach your child, allow them to work at their pace. Pushing too hard can increase anxiety of trying to please while trying to suppress the fears.

Now the hard one.  Avoid giving too much reassurance.  The more reassurance you give by saying things like, “It is going to be OK.” When we are constantly reassuring, we are not giving them the opportunity to learn or gain the strength to cope with their own issues. Of course this is about balance, but reassuring them that they can use their coping skills to relieve the pressure they are feeling is a better way of helping them. will give them even more courage to be bold in overcoming anxiety.