Blog | - Part 60

March 17, 2014

The Will and Way of Optimism

Optimism gives us the willingness to proceed, to step forward, to keep going – even when things do not look like they are going our way. We are not able to control what others say or do, but we can control our own thoughts and beliefs. So when things are not going well we may want to ask ourselves – how did I contribute to this challenge and what can I do different to change my results? Very seldom do we see a challenge that we did not contribute in some manner to the position we find ourselves in.

The danger zone here is – in blaming ourselves for parts of the challenge we had nothing to do with. This calls for us to be real – not making the problem or issue bigger than it really is, nor ignoring the facts as they really are. We have to be truthful with ourselves. Sometimes we need an outside voice to help us to see what is real, but with practice we will get there ourselves.

Once we understand the reality, then we can apply our perseverance to the situation by making decisions to continue on or to change course, but finding a way to overcome the obstacles that are preventing us from reaching our goals. Having optimism is usually created with a belief we have that we can overcome this situation. This is a belief in ourselves, our values and our mission.

March 7, 2014

Understanding Optimism For Our Children

How does your child cope when things do not go their way? Is there the pouting and moping around kind of attitude? Is there a pervasive, “I never win.”, I’m so unlucky”, Nothing ever goes my way.” kind of attitude?

Those who think this way, who believe the that life is destined to be bad forever, that bad things are going to keep happening – are showing pessimism. Why am I so concerned about this? Studies show that children who begin their life with this kind of attitude or who are surrounded by those who think in these catastrophic ways, are more inclined to dealing with depression in their teens, continuing into their adult life.

What everyone of us needs is not another excuse about why things did not go our way – but rather “hope” – hope that things will get better. We need a belief that there is a bright side. We need, in a positive way to look at our goals and pick ourselves up and dust off and then go after our goal with the attitude of determination. That is optimism.

On Wednesday March 12 at Balanced Life Skills we will have a 30 minute presentation on the “A,B,C’s of Optimism”. Optimism is one of the my 4 key needs everyone of us must have to build resilience from the adversity we meet in our everyday life.

March 3, 2014

Life Skills: Optimism – The Definition

Each month we will discuss a life skill with all of our students. This month the word is Optimism. This word will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Optimism means: “I look on the bright side!”

Older students: Optimism means: Believing and expecting everything will work out for the best

Each age group has a worksheet that parents can use to continue the discussion at home with their children, and one for adults to allow them to think more deeply about the skill and how it applies to them. Would you like to receive the worksheet? Stop by our studio at 133 Gibralter Avenue in Annapolis, MD and tell us the age of your child. We will give you a worksheet and invite you to watch Mr. Joe discuss the word with the students in class. You can also follow our discussions here on this website.

If you would like to become a member of Balanced Life Skills, come TRY CLASSES FOR FREE. We are not your typical martial arts school, in fact we are an education center, working with our students on physical skills along with empowering families with compassion, awareness and respect – creating a culture of peace. We believe in every child and build their self – confidence. Balanced Life Skills takes part in community service and encourages each student to do the same.

Come in and talk to the parents that are here and watch the class for the age group you are interested in. Learn about the Balanced Life Skills Way.

February 22, 2014

Family Mission Statement – A “Constitution” For The Family

Why does our family exist? Have you ever considered the question, Why have a family?…. What is our family all about?…. What do you really want to do and be as a family?… What are the principles that our family lives by?

Any successful business use a mission statement as a “constitution” of sorts to guide their decision making process and their operating procedures while they manufacture widgets. They find that having this kind of unified standards and guidance helpful in keeping everyone on the team headed in the same direction, and to employ individuals who share the same values. They are only manufacturing things! Families are having and molding children.

A mission statement for a family defines this families purpose, goals and standards. The mission statement describes our reason for being. It is our vision for this small unit with thought given to what the unit will produce. The family with a mission statement, that they refer to often – knows where they are going and makes decisions based on an end result.

Too many children today though have no clear direction that is articulated beyond – do well in school so you can go to a good college. Is that really the whole goal in life, to be able to say, “I went to a great college.”? When there is no bigger picture for our children, they will look for it elsewhere. Unfortunately the media is there to tell them what are good values, what ‘everyone’ is doing, and what behaviors are acceptable. It becomes very easy to get swept away with trends, fads and the values of others out of control. That really is not what we want for our children.

If our children are not grounded with a greater purpose, they may feel like they only have to hold it together, keep it functioning from day to day. How much better for them to learn that they can live with and for something bigger than just themselves. In our work to create a culture of peace, I believe that we need to define our mission or purpose and then live by it, for our children to feel safe and secure.

February 21, 2014

See how BLS girls Kick It!

During our first Kick It! workshop, we focused on martial arts, positive role models, and creating a mission statement! What is a mission statement? It’s a poem, quote, phrase, paragraph, or any form of an inspirational statement, that serves as the road map for your life!

It’s based on your values, purpose, and how you will apply those qualities to your life. Why make one? A mission statement guides you while making decisions so you can feel good about them later. In addition to making a personal mission statement to guide decisions and actions, we encourage you as a family to create a statement for your household! Together, we created this Kick It! mission statement:

We are a team of girls who are respectful, fun, energetic, and determined. We will motivate and support our friends, family, school, and community.

During the workshop, we empowered girls with the confidence and ability… to BREAK WOODEN BOARDS. But before the girls were invited to strike the boards in half with their hands, we talked about role models.

Who are good role models? What are characteristics of a good role model? Who can you be a role model for? How can you be a good role model?

Whether we realize it or not, we are always teaching through our words and actions. As human beings building a community together, we have a responsibility to model the appropriate traits and behaviors we would like our children, friends, colleagues, and family members to demonstrate. Someone is always learning from what we do! So really, how can you be a good role model?

Rachel break

Then the girls started breaking boards! Everyone did so well! We handed out markers and let the girls socialize while signing each other’s boards to commemorate the “break through” event!

It was a very inspirational evening with a fantastic group of girls! Each one had such good ideas and input for our mission statement! And they each agreed to the challenge of being good role models as Kick It! members.

To fulfill our duty to “motivate and support our friends, family, school, and community,” Kick It! will continue to meet once a month from 4:30 – 5:30.During this time each month, we will learn martial arts, develop and extend friendships, learn social and emotional skills, and create an annual community service project as a team.

We hope to see everyone back on Friday, March 21 from 4:30 – 5:30 pm for the next Kick It! session. Food will not be provided for this hour-long event, and we recommend that the girls bring water bottles in addition to being comfortably dressed! Registration for each event is required!

Please contact me at 410-263-0050 or ariel@balancedlifeskills.com to register, pay, ask questions, or make comments! I’d love to hear from you!

February 17, 2014

4 Stumbling Blocks to Self Reliance

While it is great to have others around us to push and encourage us to take on a task or a new skill, there are 4 stumbling blocks that can makes us feel less confident when those encouraging words are not around. They are (1) Fear, (2) Laziness, (3) Negative people, (4) Negative self talk.

Fear – The two fears that can sum up all others are fear of failure and fear of not being enough. It is this fear of failure that attacks many of us, thinking that we would be embarrassed in front of others, or that we may be laughed at, or we may be ‘perfectionist” and are afraid we will not be able to master the task quick enough. Finally there can be the fear of success also. With this fear we are concerned about the added responsibility that will come with our success.

How to overcome these fears will be discussed in detail at our upcoming Parent Coaching Series on Optimism. But ultimately our belief of the results of the task or what has or might happen affects our response.

Laziness – This seems to be such a harsh word, but sometimes we try to find the easy way out or get others to do for us. We have to be careful too, of asking others to do for us what we could do for ourselves. This can become a habit – even with children.

Overcome this habit is first to be aware and ask ourselves, could I do this on my own? If so step up and complete the task.

Negative people – Unknowingly and certainly not on purpose adults many times will tell children that they cannot do something that they are dreaming about. Imagine if a child had a dream of raising a large sum of money for a charitable cause and the adults around them told them, “that’s nice – but you can’t do that.” It starts a process of negative thinking in the child. When others tell us we cannot do something it affects the way we think about ourselves and abilities.

Surround yourself with those who ask more of yourself than you do.

Negative self talk – Sometimes we tell ourselves we cannot do something even before we try. reducing our own fear of failure is to know that everyone – even well intentioned and good people – make mistakes. Increased tolerance of our own mistakes, limitations and miscues will help us from putting ourselves down as not able to accomplish tasks.

Learn the A,B, C’s of Optimism (On March 12 at 5:30 the Parent Coaching Series will discuss this subject)

So what are some new tasks that you might be willing to try? Is there something that would make a big difference in your life that you have feared starting or you told yourself you could not do? Are you willing to talk to yourself in a different way and go for it?