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Programs to create peace in families

logoNo matter the age of our children, we must as parents always be preparing them and ourselves for the future. On Friday morning I had the privilege of attending a program put on by Southern High School, on substance abuse. Chris Herren, a one time NBA star, spoke about the “first day” and the abuse of alcohol and drugs and where it leads. A very strong program that I wish that not just the kids had heard – even the parents.

The night prior to that I gave a presentation to the Mayo Kiwanis Club on understanding suicide prevention. It was also a powerful presentation that spoke on a subject that is heavy and sometimes hard to talk about. Again though, one that every parent must understand – no matter the age of their children. On May 3 at 10 AM Balanced Life Skills will host a “Gatekeeper” training. In just 90 minutes you will learn what each of us needs to know to protect our children and all of our loved ones from self harm. I encourage every parent, grandparent, and high school student to attend.

This Wednesday night at 5:30 at Balanced Life Skills I will personally present on the subject of Creating a Mission Statement for our Families. This 30 minute presentation will cover why this is critical to resilience in our children and how to go about doing it with the involvement of all in the family.

Why is Balanced Life Skills so involved in presentations like this for families? It truly is our mission to help parents to have more peace in their lives. Please join us as we create a culture of peace in ourselves, families, schools and community.

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Self-defense Prerequisite

DSC04708Wow, it’s been a long time since I wrote. Life and training have been moving forward at quite a pace of late, which gives me plenty to write about but less time to digest the material and get it down in words.

I was home in the US this winter, in Maryland for December and January, in New York City February and March. I missed more training than I would have liked, but I was busily trying to lay some groundwork for my more permanent return home in September of this year, so I needed a little more time.

I have written a lot about internal self defense, and I will write a lot more. Right now I am facing some fairly big changes and decisions, and talking with a lot of people about them.  There is an essential ingredient in these discussions that I’d like to explicitly point out, an understanding without which internal self defense is crippled.

We do not experience our reality as an absolute; we interpret it. The interpretation happens very quickly, faster than the blink of an eye sometimes in the act of perception, but nonetheless we assign value to things that we experience. I won’t say we decide our emotional reactions, because it is generally not as cerebral as that, and indeed trying to intellectually change how you feel about a thing often just causes counterproductive strain. But our mental state, the health of our bodies, our habits of perception, “mood” one could say — these things can be changed, and can be used to change how the world impacts us on a fundamental level. Is the thing I am experiencing good or bad, proper or improper, fair or unfair, stressful or relaxing? The belief in our ability to change these value assessments independently of the experience that inspires them is a prerequisite to studying internal martial arts.

The antithesis of this is the belief that we see reality merely as it is, that there is a direct and unalterable sequence of cause and effect from stimulus to senses to brain to reaction. To believe this, reassuming the self-defense metaphor, is to believe that the enemy is already within the gates, and there is no possibility whatsoever for preserving ourselves from him. Most people I have met who think this way bear their lives and experience like a collection of scars that have never healed properly.

Others, however, are as perfectly content as they could wish. Acknowledging the malleability of our perception is not necessary to happiness. It would be wonderful to see the world always optimistically with no shadow of suspicion that there is any other way to see it. But for those of us who need to practice our internal self defense, there is no going forward without this basic premise.

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Acts of Kindness Challenge Is On!

The acts of kindness challenge is on. We are challenging our community of children and students to complete a “ninja” style act of kindness. Everyone or anyone can do this! Here is how it works,

ninja kindnessTake a piece of paper, write a special note to someone – your mom, dad, teacher, brother or sister or a friend. The note will tell them how awesome they are, thank them for being so cool or some other special message. Then hide it somewhere in their pocket, next to their toothbrush, in a drawer, anywhere they would be surprised to get it. Here is the deal though – Don’t get caught putting it there – ninja style. Then wait to see what happens.

An act of kindness does not have to be big or expensive. It just needs to make someone smile. Can you make someone smile today?

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Your Children – Kindness Leader

practice kindnessLeading by example, it’s something we try to do for our children in many different areas of life. In a way, by doing this we become a leader as we direct the way for our children. Something that your children may not be aware of is that they can be leaders as well, leaders of kindness, and this is something that you can not only support but encourage.

In this world we need individuals who will step up and guide others in the positive aspects of life, one of the most important areas being kindness, as kindness is the promoter of peace. So how can your children be kindness leaders? Through demonstrating kind acts to peers they are leading the way, they are showing their friends how easy being kind can be and what an impact it can have. By helping a classmate who has too many books in his hands to carry, to helping a smaller child find his way to a classroom, these are examples of kindness and can occur spontaneously as random acts of kindness as your children see opportunities.

As you display random acts of kindness in your life, your children notice. Encourage your children to do the same and let them know when they do something kind, their friends notice as well. To encourage kindness, let your children take the lead so they can truly be leaders. Let them come up with ideas while you support their ideas. By doing this, letting them come up with the ideas rather than telling, you are giving your children confidence as kindness leaders.

After your children come up with some ideas, come up with some ideas for yourself, ways that you may be able to show acts of kindness. Ultimately each of you can share these acts of kindness after they happen. And what a joy it will be to watch your children light up as they discover for themselves what it means to lead others in kindness, making the world a better place, one small act at a time.

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Teaching children to be kind

Kind-Kids-Find-Happiness-and-Acceptance1Kindness, one of the most important things in life, is a critical attribute to instill in our children. Kindness is about creating a culture of peace, it is our greatest self-defense as we negotiate relationships, it is almost palpable and makes a huge difference in all of our lives. Children get their first glimpse of the world from their parents. Home is the place that forms the foundation and the place where parents have an opportunity to help shape their children into kind human beings.

When teaching children about kindness there are several different areas that you can focus on:

Give examples of kindness – Talk to your children about sharing with their classmates and friends, after all kindness is the key to friendships. Discuss ways they can treat siblings and parents with kindness by helping out around the house.

Notice and give appreciation for kindness – When you see your child exhibiting kindness acknowledge the behavior and give praise in whatever way your child appreciates. Whether a simple, “good job” or a big hug, let them know you notice their kindness.

Model kindness – As we know our children see everything even when we think they may not! As adults we can model kindness in many different ways. Hold the door open for someone. Treat the earth with kindness by recycling properly. Speak kindly to your spouse even during a disagreement.

Allow your child to be the recipient of your kindness – Sometimes we rush through our day and forget to show kindness to the people we love the most including our children. Helping them with homework, and giving them advice about how to handle life’s trials display kindness. You can also remind them from time to time as you do these things how these actions are examples of kindness.

In the end, when children understand the importance of kindness and exhibit kindness themselves they will see how good it feels to be kind to others. When you help someone in some way it brings joy to the “giver” as well, and whether your child is 4 years old or a teenager they get it. So do your best to teach your kids about kindness, and feel that joy in your heart as you witness your children’s growth in an area of life that means so much to so many.

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Intention – The first step to creating peace

My personal mission is to “Teach Peace”. Balanced Life Skills is a martial arts school and education center with the goal of creating a culture of peace through the martial arts. When I express that goal to some – it comes with a look of disbelief, and a lot of reasons why we “can’t do that”. In fact that is an automatic response. Very few individuals or organizations believe that there is the possibility of peace in our world today.

However I would ask everyone in lieu of giving all the reasons that we “can’t” – to answer the question, “How can we?” History is filled with situations that many have responded automatically with a long list of reasons of “why we can’t!” But it wasn’t that long ago when the personal computer, internet, video Skype calls or even cell phones were considered not possible.

It seems though that humans put a great deal of effort into creating things, and much less effort into such an “impossible task” like creating a culture of peace. While we have been able to help individuals, doing so on a large scale does seem daunting. I however refuse to believe that it “can’t be done”. The question really should be ‘how can we’ and ‘when will we’?

We cannot expect to see peace in the world when most of mankind is not at peace with themselves. So peace with oneself is the first step for every person. To accomplish that, our personal first step is:

Intention.

Intention for ourselves and if we have a family, for our family also – this is a great place to start. We will continue to examine creating a culture of peace in future posts here at Balanced Life Skills.