Blog | - Part 46

September 24, 2014

First Technical Theater Week – Huge Success!

Our first Technical Theater Week was a huge success. Students will continue to fine tune their technical theater vocabulary over time but their enthusiasm for this lesser known theatrical art is commendable. Lighting Design rarely gets the attention that it deserves but BLS students are hooked!The skill, creativity, and vision required to pull off an innovative lighting design takes collaboration, communication and patience. I look forward to seeing our students overcome these challenges.

Students demonstrated excellent command over lighting vocabulary and concepts and then they made lighting decisions for their original play, “The Helping Oak Tree.” Students challenged themselves to explain their ideas to their team mates and provide constructive criticism in order to arrive at a consensus.

It was a new way of communicating for nine year olds but their perseverance to speak thoughtfully and respectfully, while also making their ideas clear is an example for children of all ages.

September 24, 2014

The feeling of anger is not the same as the expression of anger

The feeling of anger is not the same as the expression of anger. Everyone of us is going to feel angry from time to time. When those feelings are more often than not, or when the feeling result in a behavior that harms ourselves, property or others – is when we must realize that learning to manage this feeling, understanding it and dealing with it is very important to our own peace and that of those around us.

Can you identify where you feel anger? What do your different body parts feel like when you are angry? Do you feel it in your eyes, mouth, hand or arms, feet or legs? Does your voice change, or does the way you posture yourself change? Maybe you feel it in your stomach, chest, head or does it feel like your blood is boiling?

Being aware of the bodily changes that occur when we get angry can be helpful in the process of leading to better control and management. Recognizing the rise of these feelings may help us to make a choice about our expression of the feelings that we are having. The feeling of anger is just that a feeling – and there is nothing wrong with us having feelings, they belong to us. However, the behavior or expression of those feelings can be very harmful.

Our expression may be explosive or it may be simmering. Can you identify the patterns that have developed in yourself or your children when they are having the feelings of anger? One way of understanding our own expression is to ask those close to us what they see in us when we are angry? How do others tell us how we look or sound when we are angry?
Understanding our feelings, where they are coming from, why or what we are fearful of, are all beginning steps in anger management. Remember, the feelings of anger is not the same as the expression of anger. Feeling are our own – expression is a choice we are making.

Joe Van Deuren is an anger educator and is available to work with both children and adults in finding ways to manage anger. Finding and creating peace in our lives and families is a key mission of his work. Contact can be made through Balanced Life Skills.

September 23, 2014

Real Artists

“What is one thing you like about yourself?…. What are you good at? What is one talent that you have inside of you?” This is the question I asked my art class at BLS. The word of the month is confidence, and I wanted to start the class with each student feeling confident. One student was sitting in on his first class this year, and as one of my more shy students, hadn’t said a word to me thus far. He rolled his head back, stared up at the ceiling with his big eyes thinking hard, and then barely whispered, “I’m good at art.”

“Yes, you are! You are a very good artist! I love your work!” I said beaming at him, and he smiled his shy smile and started to relax a little.

“Oh yeah! I’m really good at art too!” Another one of my students chirped in, smiling from ear to ear. He is not as shy.

“Yes you are! You are a really good painter, you paint so fast and it’s always really good!” I reassured him.

Confidence in your artistic ability might seem like a pretty common idea in an art class, but I assure you that it’s not. It’s actually a pretty unique idea, one I’ve only heard from 5 year olds. I also teach adult classes when I’m not at BLS. I do events where people can come drink while I show them how to replicate one of my paintings. Before the event even gets started I am usually met with 10 or so people explaining to me why they will not be taking home a masterpiece that night. “I am a horrible artist! I’ll be lucky if you can even tell what the painting is!” To which I usually laugh and say something along the lines of – “Drink some more, it helps the painting look better when you leave”, and then I turn around and wink at the bartender.

The truth of the matter is that there is no such thing as a “horrible” artist. They’re just inexperienced artists. Somewhere between 5 and 45 someone convinced us that because we didn’t do things exactly the way everyone else was doing them that we were bad at it. We may have even been the ones telling ourselves that. After about four decades, it is easy to consider yourself “hopeless”. But really, art isn’t about how well you can copy someone else’s style. It’s about finding your own style and refining it. Sure you may need to try different things to find your stride or your niche, but believing yourself is the only way to begin that journey and then keep the determination you need to become skilled at it.

I spend about 3 hours convincing my adult students to relax, have fun, and to stop trying to replicate my painting stroke for stroke or competing with the artist next to them. Happily, with younger students, I have to convince them TO copy someone else. “No, see… DaVinci’s Mona Lisa has black hair, not green” Or in one student’s case, not painting the whole page black every time. “Why don’t we just paint her hair black in THIS one, and THEN you can paint another picture and it can be all black. Ok? Ok.”:)

I have so much fun in my classes, and even though I am teaching your kids, really your kids are also teaching me. This month I’m learning that even if a 5 year old seems to be bursting with confidence, it is something that can easily be extinguished. We need to teach them to preserve it through their teenaged and adult years if they are going to reach their true potential and bring something new and different to the world. Just a little bit of reassurance goes a long way in a child’s world, and the results will astound you. They astounded me this week. These are my class’s masterpieces ~

September 23, 2014

Six Skills every child needs to protect themselves

There are six skills that I believe are necessary for every child to learn in a progressive manner, depending on their age that will both protect them from bullying and from being a bully. In that all of us have the capability to be both – these 6 skills will be a protection to ourselves if we are targeted or if we have become aggressive. Adult or child, it is likely that having a coach to work on these skills will be helpful.

What are the six skills?

Empathy
Assertiveness
Identifying social cues
How to be a friend
Self defense
Online safety skills

These six skills – and they are skills because they can be taught and we are not be able to turn it on / off at will – take time to develop and are best learned by seeing them modeled by our coach. Parents – You are the Coach.

None of these skills are going to be learned by a single sit down conversation where we tell our children what is expected from them or what they have to do. All of the skills take time, and I suggest our 3 minutes a day concept. Here is an example, using the very first skill listed, Empathy.

Empathy cannot be taught in passing. Parent’s are concerned about a child when they have hurt the feelings of another person. It is easy to say, “think about their feelings”, but for a child they are most likely thinking about their own feelings, so these words mean very little to them.

Empathy comes from the inside of a person – not from the words of others from the outside. So we must begin by giving our child the words they need to describe their own feelings. Those ‘emotion’ words must be taught and then used by parents and child in describing how they are feeling. Doing this when our children are young and continuing will give them the start to a vocabulary to describe their feeling. Then those feeling words can be applied to what we see is happening to others. As they get older we can do more reflection with them.
In our class, “The Truth About Bullying” we will discuss each of the six skills and how to teach them to our children in more detail. You will be really surprised at our definition and practice of Self Defense. Come to our class on Saturday, September 27 at 10 AM or schedule Joe Van Deuren to present this information to your own parent group.

September 22, 2014

5 Reminders in dealing with diminishing confidence in children

A child’s confidence can be diminished very quickly when they become the target of mean behavior or words. One of the worst things that can happen to a child is being made feel “less than” by others. This is many times the results of others talking about them, making sly comments, or being made to feel unwelcome or not a part of the group.

As this kind of behavior can be directed to anyone, especially a young person, we want to encourage them to be sure to speak up to adults and ask for the help that they need. Along with that, choosing friends that are not taking part in that kind of behavior is a good idea too. Many times though, this is not enough.

As an adult, if a child comes to us with these kinds of situations, we can be confused about what the right thing to do might be. There is no one answer to that question, as every situation and child needs to be worked with individually. However, there are a few things for us to remember and not all of them are easy. Control of ourselves and our emotions is key to do what is best for our children.

First, we must remember this is our child’s situation and our place is to protect them, but not take the problem over as if it is ours.
Second, what the target of this kind of behavior needs more than anything from us is to know that we understand their feelings. So before you start getting all the details, be sure that you give your child as much time as they need to express themselves. (this is the hard part, because parents will want to jump right in and fix it)
Third, find out what your child would like to see happen and what they want to do or what they think might help the situation.
Fourth, help them weigh out their options, choose one and then practice it with them.
Fifth, follow up with how they are feeling, how it is working and what they want to do next.

Nobody has the right to make anyone feel less than or unworthy. We have to understand though that bullying behavior is going to take place until we are able to create a culture of kindness and peace in our families, schools, and communities. Having a ‘zero tolerance’ policy does not work in any community situation. Changing culture of the community, where those in the community stand up and say – in our class, in our school, in our community – we do not treat each other in that manner, is what does work to eliminate confidence reducing behavior. Are the teachers in your school making this the norm for the classroom? The confidence level of your son or daughter may be at stake.

Anyone in our community that is dealing with a situation like this may consider working with a bully prevention expert like Joe Van Deuren at Balanced Life Skills.

September 21, 2014

Reducing stress the Balanced Life Skills Way

Both adults and children feel overwhelmed and stressed. From an adult point of view, we must remember that the feelings of stress are relative to the person feeling them. A child may be stressed over an event that an adult sees as nothing, but to the child it may feel like the whole world.

Stress is the direct result of feeling; there is too much to do, relationship issues, deadlines to meet and feeling like we have lost control of ourselves, our lives and sometimes even our feelings. The Balanced Life Skills way of teaching students is also the way a student learns to reach Black Belt Success.

The Balanced Life Skills Way goes like this:

Here is how this relates to reducing stress.

First you must know what you want / or what the problem is. Can you identify what you feel is wrong. When, Why and Where is it happening? What would you like to see happen that would make your life better? What is your goal?

Brainstorm some ideas of how to reach your goal. Your answers do not have to make sense to you right now and you do not have to think of the perfect plan now. Come up with many different ways that you believe you could solve the problem. If you cannot think of any, talk to your supporters (parents, teachers, friend, sibling) for their ideas and then get them written down. Now it is time to select a solution. You may want to have a ‘success coach’ as you weigh your different options, to help you stay on track. Pick one that you believe will help you reach your goal and that you are comfortable with.

Commit to working your plan and take consistent action. Persevere and do not give up. If you have a ‘success coach’ they can help guide you and keep you on the path you have chosen.

Review your progress. Is what you are trying working or not working? Do you need to tweak a part of it or try something new altogether? Has something changed for you, are the circumstances or end results the same as when you started on this path? Regularly checking in and then renewing and sometimes revising your goals will keep you feeling like you are in control of your life and the decisions being made that effect you.

Making decisions and choices about your life is a key part of reducing stress. Make the best decisions possible so that you stay on the path that will make you feel the best and result in the success you want out of your life.