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Vancouver Peace Summit

Watch Karen Armstrong live from the Vancouver Peace Summit

Sunday, September 27 1:00-3:30 PDT


TED Prize winner Karen Armstrong joins four Nobel Peace laureates, including the Dalai Lama, Jody Williams, Mairead Maguire and Betty Williams, moderated by Mary Robinson, at the Dalai Lama Center’s Vancouver Peace Summit to introduce the story of the Charter for Compassion and discuss their experience of compassion in their own lives – and their perspectives on our human responsibilities right now.


The TED Prize is presented to three individuals each year to support an idea that can change the world. In 2008, Karen Armstrong, author and religious historian, received the Prize, and was asked to make one wish. Her wish was for TED’s assistance in the creation, launch, and propagation of a Charter for Compassion. The writing began in November 2008 through a global website which allowed people everywhere to submit their ideas to the Charter. Then the Council of Conscience, made up of religious scholars and thinkers from six religions, sorted through these words to craft the final version of the Charter, which will be unveiled to the world in a spectacular way on November 12, 2009.


On September 27, coinciding with the Nobel laureates in dialogue, a new version of CharterforCompassion.org will launch, inviting the world to participate in the November 12 launch of the Charter.

More information on this page.  I will be there and I would love to hear from others who have watched this event.

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Courage: making good choices

When we are faced with choices how can we be sure that we are going to make good choices, using our courage to do so.  All of us have faced choices where we became really nervous and I would dare say that all of us have made bad choices from time to time due to peer pressure or fears of some kind.  For us to make good choices though there are some simple things that we can do in that moment.

 

 

  1. Slow down.  Do not make a decision so fast that we don’t have time to clear our head and feel confident in our decision .
  2. Take some deep breaths.  Even in the most stressful situations we need to take this time to breath deeply.  This allows oxygen to get to our brain and for us to think more clearly.
  3. Talk to a trusted friend.  Who is it that you can trust to give you not just good advice but encouragement to do the correct thing based on your values.
  4. Use visioning or imaging.  Imagine in your mind the results and consequences if you choose to do one thing or the other.  See the results and check in to see how you feel about those results. If you are dealing with a fear instead of seeing yourself failing, imagine yourself completing your task successfully and imagine how you will feel when it is complete.  Using imagining can calm you down when you use it on a consistent basis.

Finally our courage can also be used to NOT do something that we know is not safe or fair.  When our conscious or ‘gut’ tells us to stop, if we are worried what our parents, mates or friends would think if they knew we were making choice to do something, it may be time to reexamine and be sure that it meets the values and ethics that are a deep part of ourselves.

Use the same steps from above to make the examination and be sure that we are making courageous decisions based on our internal influences and not the immediate external influences.  Maya Angelou voiced it well when she said; “One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.”

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BLS families take part in the suicide prevention walk

Early on Saturday morning we met on Rowe Blvd. Balanced Life Skills had been invited to have a table at the event as it was felt that the type of program that we teach would have a positive impact on the life of those who are a part of our program.  What a privilege! 

I was personally moved as I met so many who had lost loved ones to this tragedy.  So many shared with me their own stories, and as I heard them I am even more convinced that we must take steps to be sure that we learn to recognize the warning signs, what increases the risks, and how we can help.

In addition what can we do to help our children to know how to deal with the stresses that they feel.  When they feel the stress what should they do and they need to feel the confidence to be able to speak to others about their feelings.

Our Balanced Life Skills team so far has raised over $800 for the awareness campaign.  In addition I personally have made a commitment to create some teaching tools for our young students.  I will be enlisting the help of professionals in the community.  I am looking for assistance from anyone in our BLS community who would like to help with this project.  In the meantime enjoy a couple of pictures of the event and some of those who joined on our walk.

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Courage: standing for what it is right

One of the hardest times to demonstrate courage is when we need to stand up for what is right or to do the right things when others are choosing to act in a manner that is not fair or not safe.  No matter our age we are all subjected to peer pressure.  Both adults and kids get in situations when there are injustices taking place, either by word or action, and we are confronted with the question if we are going to speak up to friends or leaders in our community.

This is very hard.  Ralph W. Sockman once said; “The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.”   It takes courage to speak up, but that is what leaders do.  Leaders lead the way and do what’s right even when it is hard to do.  They do what is right because it is the right thing to do, and not based on what others will think or do. 

How we develop the ability to do this is by making decisions based on internal values and not external values or influences.  It is not that we do not care what others think, we must have empathy for the feelings of others, but we have core values and a conscious that helps direct us into doing the right thing no matter the opinion or influences of others.  I have not spent anytime on the subject of teaching our children how to think for themselves, but I will put that on my list of things to write about,  but in very simple terms as  parents we must first and most importantly demonstrate that for our children.  If they see that we are influenced by what our peers have, say and do – they will act and react in the same manner, even in things that we thought that we taught them better in. 

How do we know though if an issue is to big for us to handle by ourselves?  If we are a child and we see something taking place that we know is not correct, good, safe, and fair to someone else and we do not know what to say or do – it is time to ask for the assistance of an adult.  If we are an adult and we do not know how to handle a situation or if it bigger than we are prepared for, it is OK to ask for help and advice.  That is what leaders do.  Great leaders always know when to ask for help.

Asking for help if we are not able to right a wrong is so much better than seeing an injustice and ignoring it, choosing not to be involved.  Being involved is what citizenship in our community is all about.

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Parenting a leader – not a bully

Of course we want to believe that our child would never be the ‘bully’.  But what if your child really is a bully?  I believe that if we were to be honest when we examine ourselves,  that each of us could find times in our lives that we have been the bully.  The reasons that we, or anyone uses their power over another person to get their way (bullying), can be varied. 

Bullying may begin because we feel powerless in another situation or that we do not have any choices.  Or it may be that we are angry about something and we are taking it out on someone else.  Or it may be that we even may have a certain amount of jealousy or contempt. 

The author of the book “ The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander” believes that it is about contempt and suggests 5 ways that we can prevent our own child from being a bully.  I have listed them in bold and then commented on them from my own experience.

Watch your own behavior. It is very easy for us to send a message to our child without even realizing the message they are receiving or how they may interpret  how they can use  the message.  The way we treat others, joke about them or comment on them can say to our child that it is ok to have ‘fun’ at another’s expence.  The use of racist’s jokes or poking fun at the  looks of another person may give our child permission to do the same to people that they meet.

Nurture empathy and sympathy. Even as adults we can be unaware of the affect our behavior or comments are having on another person.  As we carefully monitor our own behavior we can also point out when our child does a kind deed, the emotion that they feel as well as the emotion that the other person feels.  The more we can demonstrate the consequences – good and bad – of our behavior and words on others, the more we are nurturing empathy.  On the other hand, voicing or getting pleasure from another persons feeling bad or distressed does not nurture empathy and may give permission to our child that it is OK to make someone else feel uncomfortable.

 
Monitor TV, video games and music. I do not believe that games, music and other forms of entertainment cause mean behavior, but they can jade us to that sort of behavior and make it difficult for a young person to determine what is right and wrong.  From my personal experience I know that over the years as I studied the subject of peace and reduced the amount of movies and television shows that I watched that contained violence, I found that I was not able to tolerate it as much.  While I do not suggest that we delete media from our kids lives – I do believe that we can be sure to have discussions with our children about what is right and wrong and help them to see the affects of those acts on others – even if they were in a form of entertainment.

Teach friendship skills. One of the number one ways I like to teach victims of bullies to  overcome this is to make the bully your friend.  Unfortunately many times bullies do not know how to be a friend.  Teaching our children to be a friend can be done both by socializing them with their peers and demonstrating and point out to them our own behavior.  In addition I would suggest that providing opportunities for them to serve others in their community and discussing and letting them see the affect on the recipients of their kindness can really drive home how to be a friend.

 
Engage them in energizing activities. Challenge your child in activities that require them to exert energy.  I am not a believer in “if you are angry go home and take your frustration out on the pillow”, as I believe that this is only teaching us to react with violence on our pillow and one day it is possible that we could give our selves permission to do the same on someone else.  But I do believe if we are not getting enough physical challenges that have to do something with that energy and it could come out in ways that are not appropriate.  

The points that we have outlined above are good for all of us as parents whether our child or ourselves are bullies or not.  All of us can use reminders on ourselves to be kind to others and be aware of the consequences of everything that we do and say in the course of our day.

For more information about bullying go to Mr. Joe’s site – Stop Bullies.  Mr. Joe is available for Bully Prevention seminars for all age groups in your school or at his martial arts studio.
 

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Courage: trying new things

Lets be honest with ourselves and I will put myself out there now and be honest in a public way.  Most of us like being where we are comfortable.  Now it is hard to hear but when we are talking about trying new things or doing things differently than we are used to, it can be difficult to get out of our ‘comfort zone’.  It works just like our heat and air conditioner thermostat at home works.  When we get to warm the a/c comes on, when we get to cold the heat comes on.  We want to feel perfectly comfortable.

Unfortunately though, if we are to grow in the level of performance in our world, we cannot continue to adjust the internal thermostat so we can get back into our comfort zone.  Now my personal honesty.  I am not in my most comfortable place in a new place with a big crowd of people I do not know.  I freeze up, I just know that I do not have anything to say that is of interest to anyone and I am just as happy to sit on the side and let others enjoy themselves.  In the mean time though I want so badly to be a part of the lively conversations.  Whew I am glad I got that out.

In fact that is one  of the most important things that we can do.  Say our fear out loud and recognize it for what it is.  It is simply a belief that we have developed for ourselves that we recreate, and then confirm by doing the same thing over and over again.  So how do we get out of comfort zone and make the changes we want to make so badly?

We must change our behavior.  We must allow ourselves to practice what we fear the most.  Put on your best positive attitude, change your physiology, bring your energy level and enthusiasm up and and make the conscious decision to not allow past beliefs and fears to determine who you are or want to be.  Our fear of rejection, failure or losing face is keeping us from being who we really want to be. 

There are very few things left in the world that have not already been done or accomplished.  Find someone who has done what you want to do and ask them how they did it and then do what they did and I am sure that you will have similar results – if you keep at it.  Change the way you talk to yourself.  The negative things that we say to ourselves, we would never say to a friend.  Treat yourself like you would treat your friends.

Both children and adults can use their courage to try new things and meet new people or any other thing that is on the list of, this is out of my comfort zone.  As parents we have the challenge and the responsibility to help our kids to take risks even when it is scary.  Role playing and creating safe situations for them to practice courage are good ways to let them see that they can recreate the images in their head and move forward.  As parents though lets set the example for them and be sure to talk to them about when we are not comfortable and how we are using courage to create a better life for ourselves.