Awakening the gift of character, empathy, in our children and ourselves is a three step process. First, we must learn to read a person, their facial expressions, gestures and body language. We are looking to see if we see the signs of joy, sadness, frightened, surprise, disgust, frustration, disappointment. Once we identify a possible emotion, we move to step two. Now we will try to understand how they are feeling.
Continue reading “Reading, Understanding & Responding with Empathy”
There has been much conversation and even studies regarding the effect of social media on our ability to show or feel empathy for those around us. So far many of the studies have seen that both cognitive and affective empathy is improved with social media use. (Clinical Child & Family Studies, Utrecht University, Postbus 80140, 3508 TC Utrecht, The Netherlands). After reading several research studies on this subject, with all of them agreeing to this result I had to ask myself if the results were clinical or the real world. In fact, some even reference a “virtual empathy.”
Continue reading “Developing empathy in a social media world”
Young students: Empathy means: I can imagine how you feel!
Older students: Empathy means: Reading, understanding and responding to other people’s feelings.
We are not your typical after school activity, in fact, we are an education center, working with students on physical self-defense skills while empowering families to bring out the best in our children and ourselves – through the martial arts. We believe every child has 52 gifts in them already. They only need to be taught how to grow and use them in their life. Balanced Life Skills serves parents, teachers and students to reach that goal.
If you would like to see Joe Van Deuren and Balanced Life Skills at work, TRY CLASSES FOR FREE for 2 weeks.
Our open-mindedness, acceptance, tolerance and appreciation for the differences in our community is the beginning of building peaceful relations and unity. Every person in our community is a part of numerous cultures, with some being more influential in their lives than others. There are cultures created in our homes, work, schools, classrooms, churches, in any group we form or are a part.
It is the mix of all these cultures that influences our views, hopes, humor, loyalties, worries and fears. When we can be open-minded to learning about these influences in those in our community we can also begin to develop compassion for their point of view and find ways to work together. If we want peace in our community and the world, if unity is our goal then rid ourselves of the need to get retribution and step into understanding our neighbors and companions.
One of the first steps in this regard is recognizing the things that we have in common. It is my belief that peace in this world must begin with the family and ourselves. It is in the family that we find the most commonality. All parents want to see their children grow up to be safe, healthy, successful and happy. That is why I have devoted my life in the past 20 years to helping parents bring out the best in our children and ourselves and find the next part of what is common to all humans on the earth.
That second common thing that we share is how we value virtues, gifts of character in each of our cultures. No matter who we are or what culture we come from, there are these virtues that all of us value, though we may see them in different ways. As an example, in one family, community or part of the world the virtue of respect may be practiced in one way and other cultures there may be a different way of expressing respect. The commonality is the virtue of respect.
Here is my invitation. Learn about the Universal acceptance of the 100 virtues we all value. Look for and acknowledge them in others. Grow to understand what we have in common. Teach our children how to balance their virtues so that over developed virtues do not overwhelm those in their families or communities. Find what we value the most and live our life around those virtues.
If you would like to learn more about our commonality in virtues, attend an Introduction to the Virtues Project workshop with me, and you will find yourself leaving the habit many of us have of blaming, shaming and hurting others from not understanding what we all have in common.
Meeting new people for some adults or children can be an anxious moment. Teaching them to meet others with confidence and open to learning about a new person will have a positive effect on them for life. It is said that when we meet someone that both of us decide if we are equal to, less than or greater than the other person. Can you imagine being judged that quickly? It is important for us to put forth our best in the very beginning.
In addition to teaching a child how to introduce themselves with a good handshake, standing up straight and tall, looking the person in the eye we need to help them be open-minded about the person they are meeting. What a shame it would be if we were to fall into the trap of prejudging a person based on what they look like or what we think they may be able to do for us? In fact, being unwilling to have a conversation with a person that may see the world from a different viewpoint inhibits our personal growth.
Opening our minds up to meeting new people, talking with them, learning from them and experiencing their friendship makes us a complete person. When we are open to the culture and diverse groups that surround us, we become richer as a person, and we can enjoy life to a greater degree. It creates the possibility of peaceful connections, as all individuals across the globe and in all neighborhoods desire to be treated with dignity and have a connection with others.
Listening to new ideas, ways of looking at issues or a different way of thinking is what open-mindedness is all about. The way we learn and expand our thinking is not by talking, but rather by listening. Being open may get our creative juices flowing, or we may see issues from a different point of view that helps us grow our empathy or compassion. We are open to developing, even if in the end we do not agree with the new idea.
Change in the ways we do or see new things is difficult for most people. We can get comfortable with the way things are or afraid of the unknown. It is the unknown, uncomfortable feeling that creates the opportunity for growth. We have seen this be true in technology, science, society and our personal life.
As difficult as change is for some of us others are very quick to latch on to the newest and ‘greatest’ thing coming around, without giving much thought to the ultimate outcomes or results. The driving force between these two personalities is the need to have either certainty or uncertainty or variety in our lives. The need for certainty says I am not ready to hear or change. The need for variety asks us to find new, exciting things often. Neither is right or wrong, good or bad.
Herein lies the balance we need to strike between not being open to new ideas or going after every new idea. Both require balancing the need of certainty or uncertainty with open-mindedness tempered with discernment, tolerance, and honesty about who we are and what we value the most. The idea of open-mindedness calls for us to be discerning and genuine to who we are at our core.
Helping our children gain that balanced approach becomes easier when they see us adults listen with an open mind, learning new ways of doing things and trying new activities without determining ahead of time they are good or bad.
