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Success comes to us in every activity, based on the words we choose to tell ourselves. As Henry Ford once said, Whether you think you can or can’t, you are right. In other words, our success comes in our “can and can’t”.

A few years ago I was helping a young student with balance, and it was not coming quickly for him. After several unsuccessful attempts, I asked the group of student to help him “giving him some energy,” clapping in rhythm while he repeated the words, “Yes I Can.” With this little exercise, he accomplished the task and then continued to do so in the future.

Our confidence is affected by our thoughts and words that we tell ourselves and by what we have started to believe from the people that surround us. In recent years a new term has been coined by Carol Dweck and others that sum up the mindset needed to continue to learn and develop new skills. There is the contrast drawn between “growth mindset” and “fixed mindset.”

At a recent convention, I listened to scores of people complaining that they were not good writers and spoke of it regarding not everyone is a writer. In effect they were saying that they could not learn this skill – they were fixed on not being good at writing. When young people hear the adults in the room express this attitude, it rubs off on them, and they are less inclined to add the word “yet” to their thought process.

I may not be good at something, yet, but that does not mean that I cannot learn. Most of the time when a person dismisses a skill as not theirs and they “can’t do it” it says they have not put forth the effort and have no intentions of putting their mind to learning. Confidence is the growth mindset that says, I have not learned this yet – but with practice, I can learn.

Teach our children to have this attitude by the example we set as adults, trying and experiencing new things on a regular basis. The more often we can show our willingness to learn the more we open the minds of our children not to have a fear of failure, but rather the joy of learning with confidence that they can!

If you want to get the most out of life and feel like you are living life at it’s highest level you must do things that are challenging. That is not the same as goal setting and reaching your destination. Challenges are activities that take us beyond the boundaries of what we believe we are capable of or of our present abilities. When we get away from the distractions of our mundane life that keep us busy with all the everyday activities and stop procrastinating on the things we do not like to do, our stress levels go down. If you want to put more energy in your life and really get your brain and body moving, choose challenges that get us focused on an effort that really stretches us.

 

At that point what we need is Confidence. Think about our children who are constantly challenged as they learn new activities, skills, even ways of being with other people. It is the conquering of those challenges that builds their confidence that they will be able to figure other things out also. Even when they do not know how to do something or are afraid of trying something, they will be able to look for and find their confidence to attempt and say YES I can work on this task.

 

The same is true with adults or anyone. If we want to build more confidence we must stretch ourselves into activities, use our courage to move forward and say with a loud clear voice, “I can do it”.

Confidence is a virtue that every parent wants to see in their child. Confidence in themselves with what they can do and a willingness to try things that they are not good at yet, knowing they can learn or figure it out.

As with any virtue, it might also be overdeveloped so that it shows negatively. When your child is over-confident, it may sound or look like bragging. The level of confidence we want to help our kids develop is balanced, recognizing what good inside of themselves and the value of others around them is. They learn to believe in themselves and others.

A great deal of our confidence begins with our physiology. Any person can put themselves in a certain stature simply by standing up straight and tall, eyes on the eyes of the other person, chin up, head held high and with a strong, clear voice. This is a practice you can have with your child, not by shaming them with words of discouragement, rather with role playing and using a question like, “What would confidence look like or sound like?” You can demonstrate it and then go back and forth so that it becomes more natural for even a more modest child to have the look of confidence.

Who can show me the look of confidence?

Each month we will discuss one life skill with all of our students. This month’s skill is Confidence. This life skill will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: I believe in me and you!

Older students: Belief and trust in oneself, others or situation.

We are not your typical after school activity, in fact, we are an education center, working with students on physical self-defense skills while empowering families to bring out the best in our children and ourselves – through the martial arts. We believe every child has 52 gifts in them already. They only need to be taught how to grow and use them in their life. Balanced Life Skills serves parents, teachers, and students to reach that goal.

If you would like to see Joe Van Deuren and Balanced Life Skills at work, TRY CLASSES FOR FREE for 2 weeks.