One of our students is moving out of town. He gave me this note. We were happy to have him as a student and even happier that he knows how to show respect and citizenship. Best to you Max!
H.A.L.T. Impatience
We have all seen the acronym HALT. It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Those four feelings can have a real effect on our actions and responses to other stimuli. Originally this was used by those who were dependent on alcohol or other drugs. If one found themselves with one of these feelings they were far more likely to revert to the use of a chemical. So they learn to ask themselves, “Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired?”.
The same feelings of hunger, anger, loneliness or being tired can also be the trigger for impatience, explosive anger, or depression. Being aware of one of those feelings as a trigger to anger or impatience is the first step to making better choices.
Personally when I am beginning to get hungry, I have less patience am quicker to be short with my comments and answers to questions. Fortunately, my wife knows that and is able to ask the question – “are you getting hungry?”. As soon as it is pointed out to me – I can think better and make better choices about how I respond. Being aware is key to increasing your patience, controlling your expression of anger, taking steps to take care of your needs.
Thanksgiving Is Complete, Saying “Thank you” Should Not Stop
Part of my practice, as a martial arts teacher, is to look deeply at people and things that are, literally, “making a difference in the world.” I owe this practice and am challenged by a teacher of mine named Tom Callos. Many of those who have been a part of Balanced Life Skills for a while know of his work, both as a teacher I refer to often, and as the head of an organization of which I am a member, The 100.Method. 
The 100. Method is a school for teachers like myself, that studies subjects that reach from ethics in school management, to time management – from health, diet and exercise to leadership and anger management and everything in between. But this morning a lesson was brought to our attention, that is at the most basic level, key to our success in life.
This is the practice of saying, “thank you”. We were asked, “How do we say thank you? How often do we say thank you? Does saying thank you, do more for the person giving it–or for the person receiving it?”
Now some may ask what is the relationship of learning to say “thank you” to self defense or the martial arts? The two are related, in that saying “Thank you” is an art, a practice that next to kindness, might just be the ultimate form of self defense. Kindness and gratitude. In fact in our schools terms – It is the Balanced Life Skills Way.
In our dialogue on The 100 though came another interesting idea that involves the students in each of our schools. The idea was to have each of our students, by the time they achieve their black belt to have literally performed 1000 thanks. I like that. To set an example, I am starting my first thank you today. Thank you Tom Callos for the gift of this practice.
It was John F. Kennedy who said, “We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.”
Sometimes saying thank you is difficult because we do not yet understand how the difference might be made. But in fact even for those difficult moments, we can be thankful, for it is those moments that can strengthen us and open our minds to new and creative ways of looking at challenges and opportunities.
On that note , thank you for reading this, my practice of expressing myself in words each day, finding ways to articulate the Balanced Life Skills Way. I would like to challenge you now to write 52, “What I Am Learning at Balanced Life Skills” posts on our student website. Each of you that have joined has their own page and ability to write a post on your page.
This post is a part of the One Million Word Project, sponsored by Balanced Life Skills, a martial arts school offering devoted parents unique programs that cultivate compassion, awareness and respect in all of our students.
The Minds of Balanced Life Skills Black Belts
What does it mean to be a Balanced Life Skills Black Belt?
As Balanced Life Skills students and instructors:
- We practice with a positive attitude and focus
- We set goals for ourselves and take actions to meet those goals
- We practice compassion for both ourselves and others
- We practice awareness of our thoughts, words and actions on ourself and others.
- We practice respect for all life forms.
Our practice is not just about the physical. Our practice is about creating peace for ourselves and our community.
Balanced Life Skills is looking for students and parents who are of the same mind. Join us in our efforts to create peace in ourselves, family and community.
Integrating the Arts in Education
At the beginning of the school year we began a Visual Arts program at Balanced Life Skills. There is no doubt in my mind that visual and performing arts is important to students of all ages. There are some students who connect with those far more than with physical activity, and I believe to reach them with our message of creating peace in our lives and building character can be done better with the visual arts.
I am impressed with some of the work our students are doing in that line including one of our black belts, Hannah Geib, who has written a play on bully prevention and is taking classes at the community college on creative writing and film. We have another student, Allison Wood, who is a student in the arts program in the public schools system. She did a great job on the lead in a play that I saw recently. Others in our school also have great abilities in those areas.
Recently the program at Bates was highlighted by a national group, Edutopia. Here is the video that they posted. Integrating arts in the education of our children is very good. Please check out our Visual Arts or Martial Arts. We are looking for teachers in all of these categories. Do you have a skill that you would like to share with Balanced Life Skills Students?
The 4 Goals of Negative Behavior That Undermines Our Peace
Understanding the goals of any behavior that creates conflict will help us to understand the motivation of the ‘acting out of these goals’. All behaviors that create conflict are trying to fill a need with one of the following four goals or strategies to fill that need:
- Attention
- Power struggle
- Revenge
- Learned helplessness
Each goal reflects a lack of emotional awareness. At any certain age or set of circumstances we can easily understand how this can get started. We can understand how a child needs attention, or may have a need for more power or has learned to take revenge or even to play the helpless card. But our goal is to look at this negative behavior and how it undermines our peace and the peace of the family and find ways to make changes in our behavior. Making those changes in our behavior will help us to decrease our stress, empower us as individuals and control our anger.
Helping our children as they grow up to (1) identify their emotional needs, (2) name them and (3) ask for what they need will help them to grow up in a more balanced way. If we do not help them overcome these strategies for getting their needs filled, they will certainly grow up rather dysfunctional with continuous attention seeking, competitive and abusive power struggles, holding on to grudges and looking for revenge at all cost, or passive aggression with oneself or hostility towards others.
Creating peace in our homes is about being aware of our thoughts and actions and understanding the consequences of those actions. The Balanced Life Skills Way is helping the community to see that peace is possible.