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Adult and children leaders take responsibility

We have talked about making decisions and and choosing what we believe is the best thing to do or say either personally or for the team we are leading.  But sometimes leaders make mistakes so how do leaders handle that?  Leaders take “responsibility”.   If they make a mistake real leaders do not start pointing the finger and blaming others.  They admit when they are wrong, apologize as is needed and then try to make things right.  In other words they “fix it’.  

It is very easy to get caught up in the moment when we have made a mistake and start pointing fingers.  But when we begin blaming others we really start diminishing the strength of the team or at the very least of those around us.  If we are a leader we would be best to follow the advice of Peter Drucker who said:  “The leaders who work most effectively…never say ‘I’…They don’t think ‘I’. They think ‘we’; they think ‘team’…They accept responsibility and don’t sidestep it, but ‘we’ gets the credit…. This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done.”

How does taking responsibility impact people around us?  It creates a trust in you as a leader, it allows others to feel comfortable in risk taking and most important they know that the leader will share the success of the team with crediting everyone.  With that sort of trust others in the group are willing to take responsibility for any mistakes they make also.  I am reminded of the thing my father told me when I was young.  He told me that when we point a finger at others, we have to remember that we have 3 other fingers pointing back at us.  Blaming others accomplishes nothing and fixes nothing.

Making good choices and taking responsibility for our work and what we say and do builds great teams.  As I tell all of our students, “The most important team we are on is our family.”  So do you take your jobs, chores, and work you do seriously?  Are you responsible to get things done?  Do you show you are responsible for the mistakes you make?

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How do leaders make choices?

This week we have been talking to our students about making choices and decisions.  Making choices is based on what is best for the group or even for us as an individual is what leaders do.  So how do the best leaders make their choices?

The simple answer is you need to consider what the results will be, the good and the bad that will come from the choice.  One way of approaching that is to make a list of the “pros and cons”.  Weighing the pros and cons, and I like to write them down,  will help us to see the consequences – good or bad- that will result from either direction we may take. 

Some choices may be very simple, while others may have more impact on our lives and our happiness.  For instance choosing whether we get a pet or not get a pet, we will weigh out how much fun it will be vs how much work is involved.  We may even weigh the differences and the affects of choosing a dog or a cat.  It may be that an iguana might be the perfect pet for us.

Other choices may be more difficult.  What if we had to choose between going out for a school play or spending more time on school work.  There will be many things to consider both in short term and long term goals that we have.  All leaders need to make these tough decisions and sometimes we are not really sure what to do.  We want to remember that leaders do not have to know all the answers.  They do need to have around them others that they trust though. 

If you are a student you have your parents that you can go to and talk about your list of pros and cons to help you come to a good choice for you.  You may even have other adults in your life that you may want to ask how they see a situation.  Even your friends may be available to speak to, although you do need to be careful that you do not only seek out the advice of those that you think will agree with you. 

If you are an adult it may be your partner or someone in the organization that you work for that may be there for you to bounce ideas off.  It may be a trusted friend or an advisor or for many of us we may have a mentor that we can talk to.  But in the end it is us as the leader that must make the final decisions.  As a leader we do not want to “pass the buck” or even avoid risk-taking completely.  We do want to make informed decisions that with all the information at hand will be best for those that are following us.

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Leadership: skills & 3 types of leaders

One of the most important skills that a leader needs is one of communication.  Communication is made up of two parts both of which are very important, but the first one is vital to the second.  That first skill is listening.  The focus and attitude for listening can really make the difference in a leader that is respected by others or not.  

How do we teach our children about listening.  There are several ways of showing that we are listening to others including, looking at them in the eyes, nodding from time to time, being able to repeat what they say back to them, keeping our bodies still and not fidgeting, and not being distracted by electronics, noises, others, or even worst – our own thoughts.

When I was talking to our students about this subject, I told some of them that sometimes I find my eye wandering to see who is next in line to speak to me.  Have you ever done that?  Well I have and I am working on practicing keeping my eyes, attention and thoughts on the person and the message they are delivering to me. 

Being a good communicator also includes being able to speak well.  For many of our students it may start with speaking loud enough for others to hear them.  Now when we get the volume up we have to think about the attitude of the voice and person.  Which of the following 3 types of leaders are they;  passive, aggressive, or assertive?

A passive leader is one that seldom does the work and finds it difficult to make decisions.  They may even agree with everyone but not want to be responsible for making a call or decision.  The aggressive leader is full of opinions, generally their own, and are more than happy to push them on everyone around them.  They seldom are good listeners. 

Then there is the assertive leader.  This person is a good listener, willing to hear out all opinions and ideas before drawing a conclusion and making an advised decision.  This assertive leader would ask others to help them in a kind way and would always be willing to say thank you.  They would recognize to others the work of his group and be willing to share the rewards.  This is the kind of leader most of us would like to work for, this is the kind of leader we all want to be. 

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The Baby Sleep Project

I would like to share with everyone a project that was started by one of our students and his mom.  It is called the Baby Sleep Project.  The story is moving, the results amazing and the help that we can give will help others have the same miraculous results. 

I will not tell you the story here, but encourage you to read it for yourself.  I will tell you that it is about a baby born pre-mature, with half of a heart.  The work done on him by the doctors was just unbelievable.  The complimentary work continued by his parents though may have been the difference in his survival. 

The Baby Sleep Project

The Baby Sleep Project is about helping other babies have the same recovery as this story.  With the blessing of the doctors and belief by them that this work done was contributory to his regaining his strength and life, I encourage you to look at this project.  We are trying to reach a goal prior to our young man’s 11th birthday.  

 

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Leadership: goal setting & initiative

Being a leader means we take the initiative to achieve a goal that may be good for us as an individual or may be for the common good for a group of people, places or things.  We may have a personal goal to learn a new skill or to work on our physical, mental, spiritual or social self.  As we set out to reach our goal we recognize that we may not be able to reach that goal without the help of others.  It may be that we need someone to coach us in one way or another.  Reaching out for that help – accepting that help is a sign of personal leadership.

Many times though our goals are going to include others, as we work to reach a goal for the common good of others.  At those time we realize that it is not just about us, it has to be about the group.  So how do we get everyone on board with the groups goal.  Part of it is to be sure everyone has input on the overall picture and then buys into the vision that we have for the outcome.

But then we must take the initiative and go after the goal.  Being willing to step up and moving on items, delegating as needed, being sure that everyone understands their role in the groups activity, and the importance of each  of the steps.  I think about the need to praise and to keep the vision clear in the eyes of each member. 

Stephen Covey put it this way to his son in regard to their lawn.  The goal or vision was that the lawn was, “clean and green”.  How he got to that point was up for him to decide, with help if he needed it.  So it is with us in our groups have a clear goal – then allow team members the opportunity to use their initiative too.

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Leadership discussion: who is qualified?

Dear Parents,

All of us want our children to be leaders. Yet there are some widely held beliefs that simply are not true, unless we allow them to be so. In the words of Mel Martinez, who was the Secretary of HUD in the early part of this decade, “Leadership is not for the few, it’s for everyone….We should operate on the assumption that every child has the capacity for leadership in one way or another.”

I would agree with his statement despite a widely held belief that leadership is a rare gift that only a select few have. That leadership is for those blessed with a quality called charisma and even attractiveness. Some also falsely believe that leadership should be coming from the top of an organization only.

It is easy to see that a bit of good looks and charisma will not hurt, there have been many leaders that were not gifted that way. Think of Abraham Lincoln, Mother Theresa and Gandhi, all of whom demonstrated great leadership under some very trying circumstances that had nothing to do with charisma or attractiveness. Neither is leadership about wielding power, as most people do not like to be bossed around.

There are all kinds of leaders. Some are loud and some are quiet. And I believe that anyone can become a leader, they can use their own personality and style and simply be themselves and still move others to action. So we will focus on this month the things that make leaders – leaders.

As teachers / parents our job is to give our children the training, the support, the encouragement, the confidence, the motivation, and the opportunities to lead. Then we should set them loose and let them lead. You are going to be amazed at what they do with their abilities and what they can achieve. More important with every success they will be strengthened to step up and lead again and again.

One of our highest goals here at Balanced Life Skills is to create leaders of our students. Not just leaders on the mat helping others learn martial arts skills, but leaders in their community. We have seen some outstanding examples of this with our students and their projects. There is even more to come.

The definitions of leadership are as follows:
Young students: “I make great choices so follow me!”
Older students/teens/adults: Inspiring people into action to achieve a common goal.

During the four weeks of September we will be discussing the following:
Week 1: What is a leader, what does a leader do, and why do we need them?
Week 2: Leadership Skills: Group goals and taking initiative
Week 3: Leadership Skills: Listening and communicating effectively
Week 4: Leadership Skills: Weighing pros and cons and taking responsibility

In the months to come we will be discussing

October: Responsibility November: Patience December: Friendship

As always, one of the best ways to teach and reinforce Leadership is by modeling strength of character ourselves. Discuss the ways you show leadership skills each day and point out the ways your children do the same. As parents, employees, bosses, and mentors, what kinds of leadership skills must you use each day?

We thank you for your support. You are pivotal in helping to make our school one of the best Martial Arts and personal development centers in the world. Please be sure to get your Leadership worksheets on the curriculum pages for your students age group at the new student site BLS Students!  You will need to register before getting your worksheets.