When someone in a close relationship with you seems to explode about something that you did not feel was that big of a deal, you may want to ask yourself, what else is going on for them. It most probably is not about you personally. Likely they are feeling stressed about something else going on in their life. In fact, stress is one of the most common triggers for anyone losing their feeling of peace and experiencing angry feelings and behaviors.
Think about a time when anyone of us has felt stress financially, and the affect it has on our spouse or partners. Think of a teen who is struggling in school and how they react to those close to them. Think of a young person who has lost a close family member in death, and the stress results in quick reactions to anything that is hurting them.
Some stress comes from the outside, like described above and some come from the inside of us, the things that we worry about. All of them result though in our brain responding with a “fight, flight, or freeze” defense. While those defenses may have been great in the days of cavemen, they typically do not serve us well in modern society. Learning to deal with stress will help us from letting things get out of hand resulting in angry aggression.
Here is one tip in reducing the stress. SHIFT YOUR FOCUS
Ask yourself some of these questions,
- In the grand scheme of things how important is this issue?
- In 3 months will this still be as big of an issue as it seems now? How about in 3 years?
- What is great about this situation?
Knowing what your priorities in life can be helpful in letting the small stuff go. Knowing what our core values are and what our personal mission and family mission comprise of will help us to focus on the big issues. Keeping our focus on what is really important allows us to over look comments and other events that could get us caught up in the moment, and focused on the small things.
Shift your focus is one step in reducing stress. Reducing stress is one step to anger management.