It has been 10 days since I last posted on this site. I have been busy teaching at AACC and at Freetown Elementary School. It simply amazes me the concern that parents, teachers and even children have on the feelings and expressions of anger. These feelings that we see expressed in explosive ways are most times a result of other emotions that are not understood either by ourselves and certainly not by others. On December 10 and 11 Balanced Life Skills will be presenting a 30 minutes discussion on Anger Management in the Home. All adults are invited to attend.
When I observe anyone who is expressing anger with a behavior that is damaging to themselves or to others I personally feel their pain. There are many causes for the way we feel and express anger but they can be generally summed up with emotions or events: Embarrassment – not achieving a personal goal Loss of respect – shown by an invasion of space either verbally or physically Fear – feeling of inadequacy, not being enough, Shame – Not being happy with ourselves in a certain way, then projecting that on others. Sadness – Grieving over a loss and the
The way we see ourselves and the way others perceive us are usually not the same and many times are very far apart. We discussed the 6 different identities that take place in a conversation in our last post. Many times we are unaware of how our behavior appears or is experienced. For instance if we are a much taller or bigger person than those we are interacting with, just because of size we may come off as intimidating. There may be other reasons others may feel intimidated including our voice, body language or facial expressions. It may be the
Anger is neither only a good or bad thing. Anger can be good in that it tells us that something is not right or that there is a danger to ourselves in some manner. Our own very base instincts are then activated and we decide in a split second to fight, to run away or we freeze. In the world we live in today those dangerous things are no longer wild animals, but beneath our anger is a sense that something is being threatened or invalidated in some manner. It may be our values or a belief that is very
In every personal conflict, with children or adults, it always comes down to at least one if not both of the parties not getting one of their basic needs met. If you are a parent you know that it is far more likely for a young child to be cranky and difficult if they are tired or hungry. In effect they are saying, “I need to sleep or eat now!”. That really is not just a child thing either. My wife says to me, “are you getting hungry?”, when I start getting cranky. She sees it many times prior to