When your child comes home from school everyday with a story about being picked on by someone on the bus, in the classroom, on the playground it is very upsetting. Many times we see parents who have raised these very mild mannered, sweet children who have no desire or what seems to no ability to mean to others and would rather just let these things go. As a parent though we know that they must learn to stand up for themselves.
What do we mean by “stand up for themselves”? When a child is “teased, chided, or picked on”, there is a little piece of them inside that is damaged, even if it is not readily visible. This damage may very well stick with them for a very long time – well into adulthood. For them it is important to learn to speak up and let the other person know that what they are saying or doing is not acceptable to the target. As a parent we know that and we may even tell our child “Stand up for yourself.”
In fact as parents, we may become frustrated with our child for being unwilling to do just that. We may tell our child do what you need to do to stand up to them, I will not be upset with you no matter what. In effect we are saying if you need to hit them I am giving you permission to do so – because we want to see them make a stand.
Please consider the following though in regard to our mild mannered, sweet child. If they are coming home to you and are willing to speak to you about what is going on at school and tell you how they feel about it – you are a very fortunate parent. The problem is that if the child begins to feel your frustration with his/her unwillingness or inability to stand up for themselves, they may become unwilling to share these experiences with you, not wanting to disappoint you in any way.
What is a parent to do? Continue reading “Bully Prevention: What Is a Parent To Do When a Child Does Not Stand Up For Themselves?”
As a leader in a business you know the importance of relationships. If you are on a school advisory board or work on a committee in any social situation, it is relationships that can make the difference in successful projects. If you know someone from other parts of their lives, you will know better what makes them tick, what their strengths and weaknesses are. All of this comes from spending time with them outside the committee, employment or social environment you are presently working in.
Much the same with your family and children. If you can spend some time with your children outside of the time of taking them to and from school and their activities, you will learn a lot more about them. You may even help prevent some of the most commons ails of children today. It was said to me one time by a psychologist, that if a parent would spend just one hour per week with each of their child alone, doing something that they enjoyed doing, outside of the normal things that you do, that we would rid ourselves of a very large percentage of the ADHD cases that we have in America today.
Developing relationships with your children in this manner, will allow you to lead them in other areas of their lives more effectively. It will help both of you to grow in your relationship along with social and emotional growth. The confidence your child will gain with the feeling of really belonging to a well lead family unit will go a long way in keeping them safe from many of the obstacles and road bumps children meet today.
When we exchange ideas with each other – this is one of the most valuable exchanges we can have with another human. Some of us fit into a category called “idea man”. At least that is what I have personally been called. But the fact is we all have ideas, and when we share them we are forming a team that can really do great things.
So what is your vision? If there were no other obstacles what would you like to accomplish or see get done? For those of you who know me you know that I have a vision for our school. I would love to see our students be known not just for the physical skills and there consistent discipline to attain those skills, but also for their contribution to their teams and our community.
How do we try to reach that goal? Slowly we have built a team, a group of students, parents and others who have the same mind. Balanced Life Skills is not just another after school activity to spend some energy on and get some exercise . The goal is to become better individuals, both as parents and children.
Again we ask what is your vision for your family? How will you reach your goal? “If you commit your self to excellence and surround yourself with things that represent excellence, your life will change.” Balanced Life Skills is here to be part of your team. I am here to contribute to your team in any way you would like for us to. All of the tools that we provide in the dojo and outside are designed to help each of us to reach our goals. Be sure that you are invited to talk to me at any time about how we might serve your team better.
From the time I first started training in the martial arts and could see the impact it could have on a persons life, I realized that I had a responsibility to be my best and then to share this ‘art’ with others. The responsibility was not just to teach the physical side of the martial arts, but really to show the benefits of practicing everything you need on the floor training, everywhere else you go in the world.
What is that responsibility? The responsibility is to be a role model to both parents and children. One teacher recently called me a life coach for the kids. That is a lot of responsibility. But really is that not what all adults are or can be? Are we not life coaches to our own kids first and then do we not have a responsibility to the next generation as a whole?
I believe that we should inspire them to do their best, to cheer them on, to find the good in them, to do what is best for them – even if it is not popular with them at first. Oh the first and best way to do that is to practice it ourselves. Give our best, Cheer ourselves on and find the good in ourselves and celebrate it, Correct what we need to correct in ourselves and do what is the right and best thing for ourselves even if it is not convenient or popular with ourselves. Our kids will learn from us by the example better than what we say with our words.