parenting | - Part 3

July 19, 2011

Life Skills: Teaching Children Perseverance by Demonstrating Support

Teaching Children Life Skills — Teaching character and life skills to students

Teaching our child to persevere in any activity calls for S.P.A.R.K. We have talked to our students about the how this works, but here are some thoughts that we can look at from a parents point of view. The S in SPARK stands for SUPPORT.

Our showing of support for our children gives them permission to be creative and affirmation of a parents interest in their activities. Supporting them in word and action motivates the child to give extra and to do their best. In a time when we find ourselves running from one ‘activity’ to another, we must remember to take our time to have an interest in the child’s progress and encourage the effort that they are putting into their goal. On the other side, not over emphasizing the belt, trophy or winning will allow the child to have failures and still feel like a success for the effort. As in everything effort will pay off with reaching goals when we persevere and have support from others.

July 19, 2011

How to Reduce Stress Part 10: Coping With Stress With Positive Thinking

Sometimes life comes at us so fast and hard that we feel like we are in a fight, a fight for our lives. When it seems that nothing is going our way, when everyone is picking on us, when nothing is going right – that is when we become the most stressed out. We start using words like – never, all the time, everyone, nothing – words that are negative about ourselves and our situation that make it sound like the answer is simply not there.

Stop and think for a moment about how you would respond to this if your best friend was feeling like this and they said mean, horrible things about themselves, that they had started believing about themselves. What would you say or do? Wouldn’t you tell them “No, stop talking like that. You have a lot going good for you.” Wouldn’t you list for them the good things about them and what you like about them?

Long before you feel bad about yourself Continue reading “How to Reduce Stress Part 10: Coping With Stress With Positive Thinking”

July 11, 2011

Life Skills: 5 ways Parents Can Teach Perseverance

Now we have learned that the inner drive the child has to stick with something until they have learned it, whether it is riding a bike, swimming, math, reading, or how to be a good friend, is the key to achievement, the question is “How Can I as A Parent Teach My Child To Stick With Their Goals?” Here are 5 ways to help build the quality of perseverance in your child:

Praise their efforts when they stick with something they are trying to do.
Emphasize effort over grades when they bring their papers home from school
Point out the example of others who have overcome obstacles and stuck with a project
Set the example and talk about your own efforts to keep working on something you are trying to accomplish.
Praise the hard work they put into a project more than the results and the end product.

If we reinforce that success is built on effort and hard work, doing the best that we can consistently and over time, our children will develop the quality of perseverance.

July 8, 2011

Life Skills: – Perseverance is the Best Predictor of Success

In a study done by a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, Harold Stevenson, it was found that children in the United States, China, Japan, and Taiwan had marked differences in their achievement levels. The question that was asked was “why the difference in American children and those from Asian countries”.

The answer lied in what parents emphasized with their children’s learning and parenting styles. Now before you think this is a vote for the Tiger Mom mentality, it is not. But here are the differences in the parenting styles.

The Asian parents emphasized the value of effort with their children. Their message was that if you stick with it, work hard on the problem, you will be successful. Their expectation of the student was to not give up – and they would get the good grades they were expected to get. The result was that the Asian children worked longer and harder because they believed that their success was based on how hard they worked.

Contrast that with the American children, whose parents were more likely to place emphasis on a child’s innate ability, allowing them to under perform as their parents lowered their academic expectations. Couple that with the questions American parents are more likely to ask, “Did you win?”, “How many A’s did you get on your report card?”, we end up teaching our children that the end product – the grade, winning, getting the trophy or belt in martial arts – is more important than the journey and the effort and process that got you to the point that you were able to achieve.

What would make a difference in our children’s success in school and in life? What if instead we emphasized the long term effect of putting forth your best effort, and sticking with a problem till it was solved and to learn from the mistakes we make along the way as we reach for our goals. If our children learn from an early age that if they put their hearts and souls into whatever they need to achieve, they will be successful. No more excuses permitted. Yes it may take us a little longer, but in the end the satisfaction of the journey and knowing that it is the effort that counts the most – that it is not just the end goal, and we will find satisfaction in our accomplishments.

This is so in line with how the martial arts is taught at Balanced Life Skills. While there are many martial arts schools that sell black belt programs (you put in 2-4 years and we will give you a black belt), Balanced Life Skills is based on putting in the work and seeing the results of the effort each student makes. It is a journey that we can learn so much from as we travel the road to being a better person. It is a journey that every student and parent can learn from in other parts of their life. We are not going to get it right the first time or even the 50th time. But if we put forth the effort and do not quit, we will be successful.

June 15, 2011

Confessions From a Child Development Expert: (My Not So Perfect Children)

Dr. Robyn Silverman is Balanced Life Skills child development expert who provides us with guidance on building character in children of all ages. Up to a couple of years ago her and her husband had no children of their own, so as a father of 4 myself, I knew that when they had their own children — well it just brings a new perspective. I really enjoyed her musings in this article she wrote today. I hope you enjoy it also.

Confessions from a Child Development Expert

All parents appreciate having that third voice that supports all that we do as parents. Balanced Life Skills offers not just the physical part of the martial arts, but also character and confidence development to all of our students. We invite you to try our classes and to follow what we are doing here on our website.

April 26, 2011

Advice for Parents: If you suspect your child is being harassed digitally

If you don’t think your child is being harassed take a note of this:
50% of people ages 14-24 have experienced digitally abusive behavior. *
61% of those who have sent a naked photo or video of themselves have been pressured by someone to do so at least once.*
*2009 poll conducted by MTV
Digital harassment is when technology and electronic communication devices are used to “stay in touch” – but the relationship has become manipulative and controlling. If someone is feeling badgered or threatened this is a form of cyber-bullying and many times takes place between two people in a romantic relationship. Many times there are demands for passwords, inappropriate photos, requests for one of the parties not to be a friend to another on a social website or it may become a time when lies / rumors are spread or someone is being impersonated.

In the 2009 poll conducted by MTV it was found that those being targeted by this sort of harassment may not want to come to school anymore, may engage in risky behavior or even have ideation of suicide. For parents this is a time for you to stay close to your teen and support them, with discussions about online safety and reminding them that you are there for them. You may also want to encourage your child to be willing to talk to other trusted adults such as a teacher or counselor at school. Help them to to set boundaries that they are comfortable with. Most of the time when photos are sent, passwords shared or other inappropriate acts take place on line it happens after there has been pressure put on the student by one or more other students.

Here are a couple of resources that may be of help to you and your family. Continue reading “Advice for Parents: If you suspect your child is being harassed digitally”