When it comes to solving the situation that faces us, we know that using our words in effective ways is key to calming down any of our responses. We have learned from others that expressing our feelings and why we feel that way to the other person is the first step. We will want to use “I” messages, no matter what age they are. None of us want to hear someone blame us for something or tell us don’t do this or that. It does not matter if we are a youngster or an adult. What touches us is when we know how our action affected the feelings of another person. Recognizing those feelings is practicing empathy.
So if I am a child I may say, ” I feel angry when you kick my blocks down”, and if we are talking to our parents we want to say, “I feel frustrated (angry, disappointed or whatever the feeling is) when I do not get to have a play date.” Then the conversation begins with more control and less emotions of the moment.
When parents set the example by doing the same in return to their children, it models to the child anger management. None of us want to or set out to hurt each other. Learning to calm ourselves down before we make a choice that we regret later is one of the most important self defense we will ever practice.