martial arts | - Part 18

January 27, 2011

Mom, Dad, Here’s The Honest Truth About The Martial Arts for Your Child, Age 5 to 13.

Guest Post By Tom Callos for Balanced Life Skills. Mr. Callos is Mr. Joe Van Deuren’s mentor, coach and instructor.

I took my first martial arts lesson at age 9. By the age of 13, when my friends were experimenting, when peer pressure seemed at an all time high, when I just knew my brain power had far surpassed my father’s, and when I couldn’t pass any reflective surface without gazing in wonder at what it beheld, I was firmly and deeply entrenched in my identity as a martial artist.

The classes anchored me, in fact, they were just about the only place where I could stand completely still for any extended period of time (except, of course, if front of the TV). The instructors emphasized respect, courtesy, and a code of honor that nobody else I knew seemed to care about. For me, that was good. It made me feel unique.

In a good martial arts school, your child will feel like a part of “the team.” And this team, if they’re good at what they do, will have daily talks about compassion, about respect for self and others, about kindness, and about non-violent conflict resolution.

But equally as good as the philosophy can be is the fact that your little one will be training, as in legs flying, rolling, punching, blocking, jumping, and spinning. Each maneuver has an effect on your child’s brain and, of course, their body. When I watch the young people in my classes doing what we do, I always think about how good it is that they’re here, doing something so constructive and positive.

I also reflect back to when I was a child –and that’s usually followed by a silent “thank you” to my parents.

Football, soccer, baseball, tennis, and guitar were all fun, but not one of them affected me as my martial arts lessons have. If you’re a parent, I would highly recommend enrolling your child in a good school –and you might even consider some classes for yourself.

Come in and try classes for FREE for a week.

January 27, 2011

Parents most important asset: Strong character

Tony Robbins once spoke about why some individuals do not have continued success once they gain a measure of success. It was likened to a thermostat that allows the heater to work, but when it reaches a pre-destined level, then it shuts off. Why is it, that some find themselves unable to sustain, and in fact sometimes fall apart completely? It can be fear of success, or it may be as Dr. Steven Berglas suggests, a lack of bedrock character.

I have found it interesting as a parent / leader that the very beginning of parenting many times makes us feel so successful. We get the compliments of many who tell us what a great job we are doing and how great our children are. Then as one psychologist said, “Every parent must morn the death of their perfect child.” One day we are shocked by something they do or say and we wonder where did that come from? No matter what, it happens to all of us, some sooner – some later.

One thing is for sure though, having great character as a leader / parent is important. All of us must continue to examine our personal character, matching our words and actions, as this is the most important asset that we have in business or family. If we say we are going to do something – do we complete it? Are we there for our children in their moments of glory and disappointments?

Children, our own children know us better than virtually anyone else. They know the real us, even if we think that we are doing a good job of putting up a great face. Without a word being spoken, I have seen them recognize when dad has lost his job, or parents are not getting along well. They feel the emotions, they know the character and we as parents cannot disguise who we really are as leaders. Even more important they are learning as they watch us and developing their own character, many times copying their parent / leaders actions – not their words. As a parent leader our character is our most important asset.

Reinforcing character building in our children is one benefit of the martial arts at Balanced Life Skills. In the month of February we will be discussing FAIRNESS with our students.

January 26, 2011

Empowering children to reach their potential

Have you ever seen the parent that brags about their child and pushes them so hard to be the best at their school or group that you sometimes wonder if the parent is living out their fantasy through the child? Many times the child does what is expected of them but deep down inside is not really interested in this pursuit at the same level that the parent is pushing so hard for.

Being a great leader or parent is not about making yourself look good. It is about empowering your children to make good choices and to choose and follow their own dreams and goals. Yes we want our children to do well and yes we are very proud of them when they do have accomplishments. But those accomplishments are not ours as a parent – but rather should be the result of our willingness to believe in them and give them the opportunities to grow.

As a parent we should be setting the example in continued growth, goal setting and improving ourselves in our own interests. We should be willing to make the sacrifices required for our children to be their best at whatever their goals are, helping them to recognize the results and consequences that their choices mean. In business your willingness to empower others because you believe in them will make you larger. In your family empowering your teammates will bring you a great amount of joy and happiness as each member becomes their best in what they want to pursue.

January 25, 2011

Valuing each member of your family

I personally believe your most important team you will ever be on is your family. I talk about this with our students from day one of their training in the martial arts. As in the world of sports or business, the teammate that values others and does things that makes others on the team better is extremely valuable to team. So how does this apply to the family?

1. Great leaders / parents believe in their teammates. That means each spouse trusts and believes in the other and that both of them set expectations for their children, not based on what they have seen in the past, or on what others might think, but rather on the values, ethics and morals of their own family. Children will only perform to the expectation of the ones that they respect.

2. Great leaders / parents are willing to listen to and support what their spouse and children are interested in. This support demonstrates to others that their interest are valuable, and when someone see their value to others they are more willing to stay connected to them. The ability and willingness to listen even to our children, sets a great example for them.

3. Great leaders / parents, once they find the uniqueness and gifts of their spouses and children, are then willing to look for ways to help them increase those abilities. This is a way of adding value to your teammate and in the long run will improve not only their abilities, but also their attitude.

4. Great leaders / parents work to improve themselves, as this benefits everyone on the team and it helps you help others even more. If you want your family members, business partners, teammate of any kind to improve, making yourself better is one of the first steps. On so many levels others will see you and your actions as a way of stepping up themselves as you set the example.

So how does your family view you? Do each of them see you as one that values them and their interests? Do they see you as a supporter and helper? Do you know what each member of your family interests really are and can you find a way to help them improve in that interest? Doing so will empower others to be successful and you to be seen as a great leader.

January 24, 2011

Vision: One month into goals – where are you?

During the month of January we have been talking to our students about setting goals and how to achieve them. This is a process that many of us parents have gone through for many years. Unfortunately for many, here in the third and fourth week of January we have already gotten off track from the goal that we pictured in our mind early in the month. So why did that happen?

Goal setting and vision need to go hand in hand. Setting a goal without really being able to see it and imagine what the goal would look like and feel like as if it already has happened, most times results in our goal only being a dream that quickly fades as the day to day happenings start to take place.

If we want our children to be able to set a goal, plan for it, examine how it is working and adjust as required to stay on track for achieving their goal, we must model that for them. As a parent we can do that by talking about our goals with the family. Talk about what the family goals are, when and how you work on them, even about the roadblocks that you are working through.

The more you show the importance of goals personally and for the family, the more likely it is that our children will set their own goals and envision them too. Here is a slogan I heard that is great for encouraging us to stick to our goals, “Each day should start fast, finish strong”.

January 24, 2011

Developing Solid Relationships With Our Children

As a leader in a business you know the importance of relationships. If you are on a school advisory board or work on a committee in any social situation, it is relationships that can make the difference in successful projects. If you know someone from other parts of their lives, you will know better what makes them tick, what their strengths and weaknesses are. All of this comes from spending time with them outside the committee, employment or social environment you are presently working in.

Much the same with your family and children. If you can spend some time with your children outside of the time of taking them to and from school and their activities, you will learn a lot more about them. You may even help prevent some of the most commons ails of children today. It was said to me one time by a psychologist, that if a parent would spend just one hour per week with each of their child alone, doing something that they enjoyed doing, outside of the normal things that you do, that we would rid ourselves of a very large percentage of the ADHD cases that we have in America today.

Developing relationships with your children in this manner, will allow you to lead them in other areas of their lives more effectively. It will help both of you to grow in your relationship along with social and emotional growth. The confidence your child will gain with the feeling of really belonging to a well lead family unit will go a long way in keeping them safe from many of the obstacles and road bumps children meet today.