goal setting |

July 26, 2011

Life Skills: When Perseverance Does Not Appear To Be In Your Child’s DNA

Teaching Children Life Skills — Teaching character and life skills to students

As I started this piece I was thinking of all those times my father and mother both told me I was not living up to my potential. I thought about how many times even teachers told me that I was wasting good talent. But I do not remember any of them coming up with a solution – other than just saying to me – You Have To Apply Yourself! Do you know how empty those words are to a middle school or high school student? What do you mean “apply yourself”? Then I would go off about how it was bad teachers or any other excuse that made perfect sense to me.

Now that I am in the other position and past having my own kids that are frustrating me with their lack of effort – I have looked at this subject with much more objectivity and deeper than ever before. Yes there are things that you can do. No there is not a single conversation you can have and then everything is fixed. But here are a few steps that should help over the long haul, and yes it can be a long haul.

Look for ways your child is already using perseverance. It may be saving money for a certain ‘thing’ they want. Discuss with them the steps they had to take to accomplish that goal and then offer the idea that the same techniques can be used to accomplish other goals.
Do not start with getting straight A’s. Start small and maybe something that is fun for them. It may be a finishing a book, building a project or learning a new skill.
Allow the child to choose the goal. “I want to learn how to ….” Now you have something that they are excited about and you can help them with planning how to reach the goal.
Be aware and alert to things your child says that will give you the opportunity to teach. They may say, “I would like to read the most books this summer, or win the science fair, or get a ipod” Now you have a place to start with setting out steps, an action plan, and a timetable to reach that goal.
Include your children in your own goal setting process. It may be for accomplishing something around the house, or learning a new skill yourself. Include them in on how you break down the tasks and make it happen over a period of time.
Be real with them. If there goal is to learn to play a musical instrument the amount of commitment is different than if there goal is to win the science fair. Helping them to grasp reality vs. making them believe their goal is impossible is the balance you must make. Helping them to think it through first will help to keep them from being discouraged when things do not happen as fast as they thought they might.
Celebrate, Celebrate, Celebrate! When you see them put forth the effort, sticking to their plan, and making progress – be sure to commend them and celebrate the effort! This will go a long way in keeping them on track and encouraging them to complete other goals in the same manner.

Finally, making goal setting a part of their life is key to working on these steps. Before the school year starts, begin talking about the goals they have for the year and how they plan on reaching them. They may be academic goals or social goals, or they may be goals for showing leadership in areas of interest to them. If your child has been the target of bullies in the past, they may have a goal of standing up to them and being proactive for changing the culture of their school. You can help them with role-playing and getting them to think of ways they can accomplish their goals.

I am here to help your child also to take leadership roles, to encourage them and provide help to them. What if your child was a part of or started a project to help the hungry, stop bullying, provide school supplies or something else that they were interested in. Balanced Life Skills wants to help them to accomplish their goals too.

July 25, 2011

Life Skills: Goal Setting + Perseverance = Confidence

Marie Curie said, “Life is not easy for any of us. We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”
When you think about the goals you have already achieved you no doubt can look back and say that perseverance played a large part in accomplishing that goal. Maybe it was riding your bike or learning to swim or conquering that math problem. Each goal that you set out to achieve was conquered by doing the little things and not giving up.

It may not have been easy, but now that you know that if you work hard, put in the effort and get coached for knowledge and skill, you can accomplish anything that you set out to do. This is important for every aspect of our life, including our academics, social or work we want to do on ourselves emotionally. Step by step, little accomplishments when strung together with perseverance results in great achievement. Great achievement will build confidence for the next goal that you want to reach.

In our next article on perseverance we will look at what to do when we do not think our child puts forth enough effort to reach goals and helping them learn about goal setting. This will be a great way to start the new school year.

July 13, 2011

Life Skills: Meeting the Challenges of Perseverance, Getting Through the Roadblocks

New Years is a time of the year when many individuals set out on goal setting, yet only 8% of them say that they always keep their resolution, while 75 percent say that they never complete their goal or resolution. So what happens? What is it that stops people from persevering until they reach their goals?

Four major challenges or potential roadblocks are:

Fear of failure
Lack of determination
Peer pressure
Excuses, excuses.

The fear of failure is one of the largest one’s that affect young and older individuals. Continue reading “Life Skills: Meeting the Challenges of Perseverance, Getting Through the Roadblocks”

July 12, 2011

How to Reduce Stress Part 6: Set and Reach YOUR Goals

Stephen Covey calls it, “Begin With The End In Mind”. We are going to call it, Know and Like Where You Are Headed. One of the largest contributors to confidence and feeling good about yourself, is feeling like you are in control of your destiny. Much of the anger and stress felt by both teens and adults is the lack of direction and commitment to an end result. Unfortunately we get so busy with the day to day that we can forget to take a few moments on a regular basis to think about where we are headed. So we we may be going full steam – but on a path that is not ultimately where we really wanted to be. That results in STRESS!

You will want to ask yourself some questions so you can establish what it is that you truly want to work towards. Take your time with this, and don’t be surprised that when you review your goals as time goes on, that you refine them.

What is it that you really love doing?
What makes you get up in the morning, excited and ready to get the day started?
Who are your heroes in life and what is their influence on you?
If you could do anything in the world, with money not being an object, what would it be?
What steps will I need to take to get there? What can I do right now?

Goal setting and creating a step by step plan to reach your goals is a huge subject that you can investigate and we will write about in the future, but just know that research has shown that those who define their goals are more successful than those who just dream. In fact one study done with Harvard graduates showed that those that wrote their goals down were 3 times better off than those who did not.

This process is not just for the career paths and big decisions. Even the smaller everyday stuff that needs to get done can be set out as short term goals and will help you get the important things done – reducing stress in your life. One more thought on this process, do not forget to be willing to ask for help or to get a coach or mentor to help you sort through your thoughts. We do not have to do this by ourselves. If we need some unbiased help, ask someone who is already doing what you think you would like to be able to do for guidance on how they got there.

January 26, 2011

Empowering children to reach their potential

Have you ever seen the parent that brags about their child and pushes them so hard to be the best at their school or group that you sometimes wonder if the parent is living out their fantasy through the child? Many times the child does what is expected of them but deep down inside is not really interested in this pursuit at the same level that the parent is pushing so hard for.

Being a great leader or parent is not about making yourself look good. It is about empowering your children to make good choices and to choose and follow their own dreams and goals. Yes we want our children to do well and yes we are very proud of them when they do have accomplishments. But those accomplishments are not ours as a parent – but rather should be the result of our willingness to believe in them and give them the opportunities to grow.

As a parent we should be setting the example in continued growth, goal setting and improving ourselves in our own interests. We should be willing to make the sacrifices required for our children to be their best at whatever their goals are, helping them to recognize the results and consequences that their choices mean. In business your willingness to empower others because you believe in them will make you larger. In your family empowering your teammates will bring you a great amount of joy and happiness as each member becomes their best in what they want to pursue.

January 24, 2011

Vision: One month into goals – where are you?

During the month of January we have been talking to our students about setting goals and how to achieve them. This is a process that many of us parents have gone through for many years. Unfortunately for many, here in the third and fourth week of January we have already gotten off track from the goal that we pictured in our mind early in the month. So why did that happen?

Goal setting and vision need to go hand in hand. Setting a goal without really being able to see it and imagine what the goal would look like and feel like as if it already has happened, most times results in our goal only being a dream that quickly fades as the day to day happenings start to take place.

If we want our children to be able to set a goal, plan for it, examine how it is working and adjust as required to stay on track for achieving their goal, we must model that for them. As a parent we can do that by talking about our goals with the family. Talk about what the family goals are, when and how you work on them, even about the roadblocks that you are working through.

The more you show the importance of goals personally and for the family, the more likely it is that our children will set their own goals and envision them too. Here is a slogan I heard that is great for encouraging us to stick to our goals, “Each day should start fast, finish strong”.