children | - Part 4

July 15, 2011

Life Skills: 5 Tips For Teaching Children Perseverance With a No Excuses Attitude

Teaching Children Life Skills — Teaching character and life skills to students

Teaching children about perseverance is more than just telling them they have to do their homework now, or they have to practice the piano or their martial arts or dance. Teaching children perseverance starts first with setting the example and then using the words with them that demonstrate the lessons you are teaching.

Lesson #1 Perseverance requires not becoming overwhelmed, but taking one step at a time. We do not teach our children to walk in one day, it runs it course with a little practice everyday for a few months and then one day – they are walking. The same is true when we set out to reach a goal. Show your children how to make a plan with one small step at a time and progress will be seen before you know it. Keep a record of the starting point and celebrate the small victories. Show them the before and after pictures of where they are today.

Lesson #2 Teach our children not just how to manage their time – but to prioritize. In any time management course they will show you how to list and categorize A,B,C and then 1,2,3 till you can see the most important and urgent items on your list. But prioritizing is also learning about giving up some in the C group, fun to do but not important to reaching your goal, so that your goal can be reached. What are you willing to give up now to reach your goal in the future? Yes it takes self discipline and learning not to giving in to peer pressure. Model this for your child and point out when you are setting this example.

Lesson #3 Just as important as managing time is managing your energy. teaching our children and setting the example of eating in a healthy manner, getting enough sleep, and exercise are the three key ingredients to having the energy to put the time in required to meet your goals. Are you and your family eating enough water based foods? Are you getting the 7-8 hours of sleep you need or if it is a child it may be 10-12 hours of sleep? Does your family have a regular exercise routine, doing some things together too. All of this will be particularly valuable to your children as they grow into the teen years.

Lesson #4 Teaching our children not to let the lack of resources be a discouraging factor in them reaching their goals is important as we teach them about desire, motivation and creativity. So many highly successful individuals in the world started out with very little or nothing, or had physical disabilities or other obstacles, yet were able to reach their goals. Look for examples in all different professions that you can share with your children to encourage them to use their creativity.

Lesson #5 Pursue your interests and what makes you happy. Don’t worry if it is the popular thing to do or if your friends are following this path too. Don’t think about what others think, or do. Find others that can mentor and support you in the areas that you are interested in. Introducing our children to people, young and old, in their fields of interest is a great way of encouraging them to continue to pursue their interest and to understand what they need to be the best they can be.

July 12, 2011

Life Skills: Meeting the Challenges of Perseverance, Getting Through the Roadblocks

New Years is a time of the year when many individuals set out on goal setting, yet only 8% of them say that they always keep their resolution, while 75 percent say that they never complete their goal or resolution. So what happens? What is it that stops people from reaching their goals?

Four major challenges or potential roadblocks are:

Fear of failure
Lack of determination
Peer pressure
Excuses, excuses.

The fear of failure is one of the largest one’s that affect young and older individuals. But here is an idea the next time you start to give up on a goal because you are concerned about what might happen if it does not work out for you. Make a list of what the worst outcome would be if you failed and beside it a list of what the best outcomes would be. Now weigh it out and see if the worst is so bad that you are willing to give up the idea of trying and the possibility of success. Continue reading “Life Skills: Meeting the Challenges of Perseverance, Getting Through the Roadblocks”

July 12, 2011

Life Skills: Perseverance Starts With S.M.A.R.T. Goals

When we are trying to reach a goal there can be many things that get in the way of accomplishing our goal. Some of them can be self inflicted while others are obstacles that simply get in the way like a roadblock. Either way if we have perseverance we can find a way to reach our goals if we are willing to put forth the effort.

In the beginning though setting our goals and our frame of mind for reaching them is the first hurdle that can make all the difference in the world. Maybe you have heard of the S.M.A.R.T. way of goal setting but this would be a good time to review this goal setting technique and how to use it with our children of any age. Continue reading “Life Skills: Perseverance Starts With S.M.A.R.T. Goals”

July 11, 2011

Life Skills: 5 ways Parents Can Teach Perseverance

Now we have learned that the inner drive the child has to stick with something until they have learned it, whether it is riding a bike, swimming, math, reading, or how to be a good friend, is the key to achievement, the question is “How Can I as A Parent Teach My Child To Stick With Their Goals?” Here are 5 ways to help build the quality of perseverance in your child:

Praise their efforts when they stick with something they are trying to do.
Emphasize effort over grades when they bring their papers home from school
Point out the example of others who have overcome obstacles and stuck with a project
Set the example and talk about your own efforts to keep working on something you are trying to accomplish.
Praise the hard work they put into a project more than the results and the end product.

If we reinforce that success is built on effort and hard work, doing the best that we can consistently and over time, our children will develop the quality of perseverance.

July 9, 2011

How to Reduce Stress Part 5: Building a Support System

Have you ever felt a little down on yourself and really not sure who you can talk to? Or maybe you have the feeling that this is a problem you should be able to handle on your own. Sometimes we are not even really sure that there is anyone that would really understand. When we are feeling like that – we may get very anxious and stressed out about what to do.

Our support system, safety net, those around us that are there for us no matter what is an important part of being able to handle those stressful moments in our life. However they do not just show up when we need them, we must develop them long before we need to rely on them for support. Stephen Covey and his son Sean who wrote the books on habits of successful people and teens, both talk about building relationships. Building relationships is our safety net. It is those people that will be there for us when times are tough. Here are a couple of simple points about building that support system:

1. Spend time together – your experiences will bring you closer
2. Be honest / being trustworthy raises the quality of your friendships
3. Be loyal / take an interest in things that are important to others
4. Be a good listener / Don’t be bossy or pressure others
5. Be willing to apologize and not always the center of all attention
6. Be clear about your expectations and offer to be there for others

Identify those in your life that you feel like you would count on and be willing to talk to them honestly. If you are not sure who they might be, or you do not believe you have someone in your life that fits that description, pick one important relationship in your life and work on building it into one that you are confident you can rely on. If we have damaged those relationships in the past, it may take some time to rebuild them, but little by little we can do so.

July 8, 2011

Life Skills: – Perseverance is the Best Predictor of Success

In a study done by a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, Harold Stevenson, it was found that children in the United States, China, Japan, and Taiwan had marked differences in their achievement levels. The question that was asked was “why the difference in American children and those from Asian countries”.

The answer lied in what parents emphasized with their children’s learning and parenting styles. Now before you think this is a vote for the Tiger Mom mentality, it is not. But here are the differences in the parenting styles.

The Asian parents emphasized the value of effort with their children. Their message was that if you stick with it, work hard on the problem, you will be successful. Their expectation of the student was to not give up – and they would get the good grades they were expected to get. The result was that the Asian children worked longer and harder because they believed that their success was based on how hard they worked.

Contrast that with the American children, whose parents were more likely to place emphasis on a child’s innate ability, allowing them to under perform as their parents lowered their academic expectations. Couple that with the questions American parents are more likely to ask, “Did you win?”, “How many A’s did you get on your report card?”, we end up teaching our children that the end product – the grade, winning, getting the trophy or belt in martial arts – is more important than the journey and the effort and process that got you to the point that you were able to achieve.

What would make a difference in our children’s success in school and in life? What if instead we emphasized the long term effect of putting forth your best effort, and sticking with a problem till it was solved and to learn from the mistakes we make along the way as we reach for our goals. If our children learn from an early age that if they put their hearts and souls into whatever they need to achieve, they will be successful. No more excuses permitted. Yes it may take us a little longer, but in the end the satisfaction of the journey and knowing that it is the effort that counts the most – that it is not just the end goal, and we will find satisfaction in our accomplishments.

This is so in line with how the martial arts is taught at Balanced Life Skills. While there are many martial arts schools that sell black belt programs (you put in 2-4 years and we will give you a black belt), Balanced Life Skills is based on putting in the work and seeing the results of the effort each student makes. It is a journey that we can learn so much from as we travel the road to being a better person. It is a journey that every student and parent can learn from in other parts of their life. We are not going to get it right the first time or even the 50th time. But if we put forth the effort and do not quit, we will be successful.