children | - Part 3

July 27, 2011

Life Skills: The Practice of Perseverance Builds Confidence In Ourselves

Teaching Children Life Skills — Teaching character and life skills to students

Martial arts schools so many times have students brought to them to build their confidence. What is it about the training that takes place there that accomplishes that goal, and what can you do as a parent at home that would emulate that training.

Confidence is built on feeling good about yourself and what you have achieved. In the martial arts you have goals set before you, some of them physical and some of them mental. You are given the time frame to accomplish them in, and if you stay on target and practice you will most likely reach those goals. When goals are reached, the confidence is built, so that when the next even harder task is asked of us, we know that if we commit ourselves to the task or skill, we will be able to accomplish it and yes – build even more confidence.

Imagine though, we quit or gave up saying it was too hard, or worse asked the instructor to excuse us from having to do something because… what would our confidence be like when the next task was asked of us. We may be willing to give up again, and possibly with even less effort.

Here is the bottom line: When we achieve something after working hard, we feel good about ourselves and know we can do anything if we commit. When we feel confident, we’ll set more goals, and have an easier time committing and persevering. What have you done recently that shows perseverance? Did you get past your fears, or not let others influence you to stop reaching for your goals? Did you tell yourself, “When the going gets tough, I don’t quit!”

July 26, 2011

Life Skills: When Perseverance Does Not Appear To Be In Your Child’s DNA

As I started this piece I was thinking of all those times my father and mother both told me I was not living up to my potential. I thought about how many times even teachers told me that I was wasting good talent. But I do not remember any of them coming up with a solution – other than just saying to me – You Have To Apply Yourself! Do you know how empty those words are to a middle school or high school student? What do you mean “apply yourself”? Then I would go off about how it was bad teachers or any other excuse that made perfect sense to me.

Now that I am in the other position and past having my own kids that are frustrating me with their lack of effort – I have looked at this subject with much more objectivity and deeper than ever before. Yes there are things that you can do. No there is not a single conversation you can have and then everything is fixed. But here are a few steps that should help over the long haul, and yes it can be a long haul.

Look for ways your child is already using perseverance. It may be saving money for a certain ‘thing’ they want. Discuss with them the steps they had to take to accomplish that goal and then offer the idea that the same techniques can be used to accomplish other goals.
Do not start with getting straight A’s. Start small and maybe something that is fun for them. It may be a finishing a book, building a project or learning a new skill.
Allow the child to choose the goal. “I want to learn how to ….” Now you have something that they are excited about and you can help them with planning how to reach the goal.
Be aware and alert to things your child says that will give you the opportunity to teach. They may say, “I would like to read the most books this summer, or win the science fair, or get a ipod” Now you have a place to start with setting out steps, an action plan, and a timetable to reach that goal.
Include your children in your own goal setting process. It may be for accomplishing something around the house, or learning a new skill yourself. Include them in on how you break down the tasks and make it happen over a period of time.
Be real with them. If there goal is to learn to play a musical instrument the amount of commitment is different than if there goal is to win the science fair. Helping them to grasp reality vs. making them believe their goal is impossible is the balance you must make. Helping them to think it through first will help to keep them from being discouraged when things do not happen as fast as they thought they might.
Celebrate, Celebrate, Celebrate! When you see them put forth the effort, sticking to their plan, and making progress – be sure to commend them and celebrate the effort! This will go a long way in keeping them on track and encouraging them to complete other goals in the same manner.

Finally, making goal setting a part of their life is key to working on these steps. Before the school year starts, begin talking about the goals they have for the year and how they plan on reaching them. They may be academic goals or social goals, or they may be goals for showing leadership in areas of interest to them. If your child has been the target of bullies in the past, they may have a goal of standing up to them and being proactive for changing the culture of their school. You can help them with role-playing and getting them to think of ways they can accomplish their goals.

I am here to help your child also to take leadership roles, to encourage them and provide help to them. What if your child was a part of or started a project to help the hungry, stop bullying, provide school supplies or something else that they were interested in. Balanced Life Skills wants to help them to accomplish their goals too.

July 25, 2011

Life Skills: Goal Setting + Perseverance = Confidence

Marie Curie said, “Life is not easy for any of us. We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”
When you think about the goals you have already achieved you no doubt can look back and say that perseverance played a large part in accomplishing that goal. Maybe it was riding your bike or learning to swim or conquering that math problem. Each goal that you set out to achieve was conquered by doing the little things and not giving up.

It may not have been easy, but now that you know that if you work hard, put in the effort and get coached for knowledge and skill, you can accomplish anything that you set out to do. This is important for every aspect of our life, including our academics, social or work we want to do on ourselves emotionally. Step by step, little accomplishments when strung together with perseverance results in great achievement. Great achievement will build confidence for the next goal that you want to reach.

In our next article on perseverance we will look at what to do when we do not think our child puts forth enough effort to reach goals and helping them learn about goal setting. This will be a great way to start the new school year.

July 20, 2011

Life Skills: Persevere to Your Goals By Getting Knowledge & Skills

The K in SPARK stands for KNOWLEDGE. Wanting something or wanting to do something and knowing how to get to that goal surely are two different things. I may want to rock climb, but if I have no knowledge of the techniques, tools or where to go, it is not likely that I will become a successful rock climber.

If I seek out a skilled teacher though who guides me with the basics, shows me what equipment would be good for me to have and takes me to a place to practice, now I will start to have the knowledge and skills I need to reach my goal. The same is true for any practice that we would like to take up, whether it is computer science, playing a game, or learning how to study.

Part of gaining knowledge and skills though is our willingness to be coached. When I have a student that is ‘coach-able’ I am speaking of someone who will listen to the suggestions (new knowledge) and then try to put it into practice. While it is good to ask questions of your coach to gain deeper knowledge, it is not good to question the validity of the suggestions made by the expert (why do I have to do this?). We may not understand how this change or suggestion is going to help us reach our goal, but if we practice soon enough we will see how it helps us with details later.

When dealing with children or anyone new in a practice, getting the basics is key to the building blocks. It has been suggested by some researchers that unless gross motor skills are developed in children before they are asked to perform fine motor skill tasks – they will never reach their greatest potential. The same is true in math, reading, studying or leadership. Gaining knowledge and skills in the correct order will help us maintain our perseverance to complete our goals.

July 19, 2011

Life Skills: Teaching Children Perseverance by Demonstrating Support

Teaching our child to persevere in any activity calls for S.P.A.R.K. We have talked to our students about the how this works, but here are some thoughts that we can look at from a parents point of view. The S in SPARK stands for SUPPORT.

Our showing of support for our children gives them permission to be creative and affirmation of a parents interest in their activities. Supporting them in word and action motivates the child to give extra and to do their best. In a time when we find ourselves running from one ‘activity’ to another, we must remember to take our time to have an interest in the child’s progress and encourage the effort that they are putting into their goal. On the other side, not over emphasizing the belt, trophy or winning will allow the child to have failures and still feel like a success for the effort. As in everything effort will pay off with reaching goals when we persevere and have support from others.

July 19, 2011

How to Reduce Stress Part 10: Coping With Stress With Positive Thinking

Sometimes life comes at us so fast and hard that we feel like we are in a fight, a fight for our lives. When it seems that nothing is going our way, when everyone is picking on us, when nothing is going right – that is when we become the most stressed out. We start using words like – never, all the time, everyone, nothing – words that are negative about ourselves and our situation that make it sound like the answer is simply not there.

Stop and think for a moment about how you would respond to this if your best friend was feeling like this and they said mean, horrible things about themselves, that they had started believing about themselves. What would you say or do? Wouldn’t you tell them “No, stop talking like that. You have a lot going good for you.” Wouldn’t you list for them the good things about them and what you like about them?

Long before you feel bad about yourself Continue reading “How to Reduce Stress Part 10: Coping With Stress With Positive Thinking”