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Using distraction as a way to cope with stress

In our last report on stress we talked about the 3 different ways that some of us cope with stress in our lives.  They were distraction, avoidance and escapism.  Each of them get progressively more harmful to the person practicing them.  However to some degree the use of distraction can offer short term relaxation and can prove to be helpful, as long as it does not get out of control.

Distraction might be a short break to take a walk, bike ride, physical exercise, reading or other short term activity that gets our mind off the pressure at hand.  The only problem with it is that the breaks can get longer or too many of them and that only leads to not getting the work done and more stress.  Unless we control the distraction as a coping tool it could lead to avoiding the problems all together.

We have to be careful that we are not just using distraction as a means of procrastination.  In the end we still have the same work to do, the same reports to write, and the same problems to deal with, except now we have a little less time.  The signs of avoidance in my next report.

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Life Skills: Integrity – Be Prepared to Make Good Decisions

Teaching character and life skills to students

If we are going to stand up to our friends, that is resist peer pressure to do things that are against our own morals, values and ethics, we must be prepared.  This type of preparation is no different than being prepared for a physical attack on ourselves.  As a martial arts student and practitioner we know what we would do if someone were to try to push us, or if someone called us a name, we know how we would react – because we have practiced those things.

The same is true with peer pressure.  We must prepare to defend who we are and what we stand for, so if we are asked to do something we are not comfortable with, we will have the strength to say NO.

So what would you do if you were put in a high pressure situation?  Preparing ahead, knowing what we would say and practicing that answer is part of the key to having the courage to actually do it when that time comes – and it will come.  What type of questions should you be prepared for?

What would you do if you were pressured to cheat or lie for one of your friends?
What would you do if you were being pressured to smoke, drink, or take drugs?
What would you do if your friends were bullying someone in your class or school?
What would you do if someone asked you to text you a picture of yourself?

Knowing the answer ahead of time, practicing it in your head, discussing it with your parents are all ways of being prepared to keep your integrity to yourself.

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Dealing With Stress; How are You Coping?

Trying to stay on top of everything that we have going on in our lives can bring that stress that we have up to a level that feels more than just challenging.  We can start to lose our physical energy, our sharpness for thinking and very generally lose our edge.  Many of the illnesses and diseases that are prevalent today are said to be furthered and worsened by stress.  How do we deal with our stress?

There are many coping strategies that are used and usually we find one that fits our personality or one that we can be comfortable with and we use it to the max.  These are short term ways of dealing with the real issues and while they can help short term, may actually make things worse long term.

Distraction – Or, I’ll deal with it later
Distractions are about taking breaks and doing something else for a little while.  This can help you be more focused when you return, but the danger is the more you put it off with other activities, the more stressed you may become as your time to completion gets shorter.

Avoidance – Or, I might deal with it …sometime
Avoidance is like distractions on steroids.  There can be so much avoidance that each act of avoidance takes up more and more time and this leads to a vicious circle of behavior.  But there are all sorts of ways that we may be avoiding dealing with our feelings of stress, from illness and sleep to over-achievement or procrastination.  We will discuss in more detail later.

Escape – Or, I don’t want to deal with it…ever.
Escaping is the most dangerous of the ways we may try to cope and many times this will come after dealing with it with distraction and avoidance.  Some may try to escape with the use of drugs, dropping out, lying to others, even to the point of injuring themselves of attempting suicide.  Escapism only compounds the problems and we still have not looked at solving the underlying issues of our stress.

No matter our age, in elementary or high school, in college or on the job, what we really need is some stress management techniques.  I hope to share some with you in the coming weeks, as I study this subject both for myself and all of our students.

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Life Skills: Integrity To Our Personal Values

Teaching character and life skills to students

Being true ourselves is part of having integrity.  When we think about integrity we also think about honesty.  In fact if a person is honest they are spoken of as having integrity.  We can count on them to be true to their word and we have a trust factor that is very high.

Just as important as honesty with others is, so is honesty with ourselves.  Are we honest about who we are, what we like, how we act both with others and with ourselves?  Are we honest to our values, morals and ethics?  Especially in the tween and teen years we are very worried about fitting in and having friends.  In times like that we may be afraid that others may not like us or laugh at us if we do not like, act, dress, talk the same way that they do.  Yet being ourselves is part of feeling good about yourself.  Lets look at an example.

Lets say you are in school and your group of ‘friends’ start talking about someone else not in the group. They may be a new person at the school.  They decide that it would be ‘funny’ to play a prank on them or to say something mean to them, and you are chosen in some manner to be the one that plays the prank.  Now you may not feel comfortable to do that, in fact it goes against everything you are as a person, but you are feeling the pressure of the group.  What will you do?

Here is a what Professor Dumbledore told Harry Potter:

“It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends.”

Being willing to stand up for what you believe in and who you are, takes courage and is what integrity to yourself is all about.

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Teen Stress: Recognizing The Signs That You Might Be Stressed Out

Everyone of us, teens or adults have felt our body and mind react to stress.  Some people will tell you that they hold it in and keep their feelings to themselves, while others wear their feelings on their sleeves.  Either way we know when we are stressed out.

 

While there are some things that seems to stress everyone out, there may be things that stress you out and not another person.  Some may be stressed out about political subjects or environmental issues while another may not even think about them. Some have a lot of drama in their life or are stressed by circumstances that are surrounding them.  No matter what we personally stress about, when we are in the worst of the moment we feel it in our body and mind.

Our reactions to being overwhelmed and anxious may appear differently on the outside to others.  Here are some ways you may be able to recognized stress in yourself or in one of your friends or family.

 

1. Feeling or acting out in anger.  If you find yourself snapping at others, getting in arguments with those around you.  If you have a friend that starts acting this way, they may be stressed out.
2. Sleep patterns.  Either not being able to sleep or wanting to sleep all the time, either way is your body telling you that something is wrong and stress may be a part of the issue.
3. Health problems.  If all of a sudden you are getting headaches, stomach problems or colds that may be a sign of stress.  I knew a young girl who lost her father who developed an acute case of cholitis.  It was real but came on due to stress.
4. Withdrawal from others.  If you or a friend starts withdrawing from friends and or family and wants to be alone, they may be really feeling overwhelmed.  Or they may withdraw from important responsibilities to play games, be on the internet, watch TV or other escapist behaviors and may be seeming to have fun – but if they may also be avoiding something due to stress
5. Overwhelmed feelings.  These feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious may lead to panic attacks or feeling constantly on edge.  Sometimes the feelings may manifest themselves with crying for no apparent reason or just being sad.
6. Using drugs, alcohol, or smoking.  If someone takes these habits up it may be a signal that something more is going on and stress may be a part of that.
7. Feelings of depression.  Stress can lead to feeling hopeless, useless and like there is no way out.  Sometimes this can lead to a person hurting themselves and may be manifested in cutting or the use of drugs or alcohol and can lead to a person having thoughts of ending their life in suicide.
These are all signals that you or your friend needs help and support from those that care and love you.  If you have seen this in yourself or in others it would be kind to do the following for yourself or your friend.

Talk or Question:

Am I feeling overwhelmed, anxious upset or stressed out?
How is this feeling affecting me or my friend?
How are the feelings affecting my relationships with those important to me?

 

Persuade yourself to take action:

If you are feeling this way and can talk to someone who can support you and help Do So.
If you have a friend that is going through this be there for them.
Encourage them to seek help from those that care about them.  It may be a family member or it could be a teacher or counselor.

 

Refer yourself or the other person to an adult.

You may not feel qualified to really help the other person.  But you may be able to help them find someone that they trust and can talk to.  Do not be afraid to express yourself to their parents or other family member about your concern.  Stress can be debilitating and getting help can give us the support and strength we need to get over this hump.

Recognizing the signs of stress is the first step in relieving the symptoms and getting to and solving the root issues.  Do it for yourself – Be there for your friends and family – Help yourself and others get back on the track of a healthy life.

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Confessions From a Child Development Expert: (My Not So Perfect Children)

Dr. Robyn Silverman is Balanced Life Skills child development expert who provides us with guidance on building character in children of all ages.  Up to a couple of years ago her and her husband had no children of their own, so as a father of 4 myself, I knew that when they had their own children — well it just brings a new perspective.  I really enjoyed her musings in this article she wrote today.  I hope you enjoy it also.

Confessions from a Child Development Expert

All parents appreciate having that third voice that supports all that we do as parents.  Balanced Life Skills offers not just the physical part of the martial arts, but also character and confidence development to all of our students.  We invite you to try our classes and to follow what we are doing here on our website.