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How to Reduce Stress: An Action Plan That Keeps You In Control

This really brings us back to the beginning when we first started talking about this subject of stress.  Stress is the direct result of feeling like there is too much to do, relationship issues, deadlines to meet and feeling like we have lost control of our selves, our lives and sometimes even our feelings.  In the martial arts what we teach students is a Black Belt Success Cycle. black belt success cycle
The Black Belt Success Cycle goes like this:
Know what you want
Have a plan and a success coach
Take consistent action
Review your progress and renew your goals
Here is how this relates to reducing stress.
1.  First you must know what you want / or what the problem is.  Can you identify what you feel is wrong.  When, Why and Where is it happening?  What would you like to see happen that would make your life better?  What is your goal? 

2.  Brainstorm some ideas of how to reach your goal.  They do not have to make sense to you right now and you do not have to think of the perfect plan now.  Come up with many different ways that you believe you could solve the problem.  If you cannot think of any, talk to your supporters for their ideas and then get them written down.  Now it is time to select a solution.  You may want to have a ‘success coach’ as you weigh your different options and to help you stay on track.  Pick one that you believe will help you reach your goal and that you are comfortable with.

3.  Commit to working your plan and take consistent action. Persevere and do not give up.  If you have a ‘success coach’ they can help guide you and keep you on the path you have chosen.

4.  Review your progress. Is what you are trying working or not working?  Do you need to tweak a part of it or try something new altogether?  Has something changed for you, are the circumstances or end results the same as when you started on this path?  Regularly checking in and then renewing and sometimes revising your goals will keep you feeling like you are in control of your life and the decisions being made that effect you.

Making decisions and choices about your life is a key part of reducing stress.  In our next series of article we will discuss how to make the best decisions possible so that you stay on the path that will make you feel the best and result in the success you want out of your life.

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Life Skills: Teaching Children Perseverance by Finding Their Passion

Teaching character and life skills to students
The P in SPARK stands for PASSION.  Developing passion in our children is something that we all would like to see happen.  Sometimes we see a child who seems passionate about a sport or another activity, but find out it is really about their friends being there and not really passion.  On the other hand we may have a child who does not seem to be interested in anything – and isn’t that frustrating, especially if we feel like all they want to do is sit and …..(fill in the blank) 

Our job as a parent is to expose our children to a variety of activities and interests.  While we may find one child interested in reading or math – another child may have a passion for one particular sport or activity like horseback riding or nature.  Some children will thrive with competition and teams while others would rather do something by themselves.  The martial arts if taught in a manner that does not promote competition may be a perfect fit for someone who does not want to compete.  If we are not sure where their head is at, we can keep trying by listening to them and paying attention to what appears to make them happy.  Then you can do what you can to expose them to and promote their interest.

One word of warning though.  Not all children will be interested in the same things and certainly not interested in what the parents may want them to be interested in.  Trying to find what our child is passionate for calls for a certain amount of non-ownership, allowing the child to express themselves and then doing what you can to support their interest.

One small side note:  One of my children, the youngest, showed an interest in books and films.  He would spend hours reading and watching films.  As he was exposed to that world more and more he eventually went to college for creative writing and now has a book published.  I can tell you that understanding the level of that passion and watching him go to a college for writing is hard for a parent – but one that has resulted in a very happy young adult.

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Life Skills: Teaching Children Perseverance by Demonstrating Support

Teaching character and life skills to students

Teaching our child to persevere in any activity calls for S.P.A.R.K. We have talked to our students about the how this works, but here are some thoughts that we can look at from a parents point of view.  The S in SPARK stands for SUPPORT.

Our showing of support for our children gives them permission to be creative and affirmation of a parents interest in their activities.  Supporting them in word and action motivates the child to give extra and to do their best.  In a time when we find ourselves running from one ‘activity’ to another, we must remember to take our time to have an interest in the child’s progress and encourage the effort that they are putting into their goal.  On the other side, not over emphasizing the belt, trophy or winning will allow the child to have failures and still feel like a success for the effort.  As in everything effort will pay off with reaching goals when we persevere and have support from others.

 

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How to Reduce Stress Part 10: Coping With Stress With Positive Thinking

Sometimes life comes at us so fast and hard that we feel like we are in a fight, a fight for our lives.  When it seems that nothing is going our way, when everyone is picking on us, when nothing is going right – that is when we become the most stressed out.  We start using words like – never, all the time, everyone, nothing – words that are negative about ourselves and our situation that make it sound like the answer is simply not there.

Stop and think for a moment about how you would respond to this if your best friend was feeling like this and they said mean, horrible things about themselves, that they had started believing about themselves.  What would you say or do? Wouldn’t you tell them “No, stop talking like that.  You have a lot going good for you.”  Wouldn’t you list for them the good things about them and what you like about them?

Long before you feel bad about yourself Continue reading “How to Reduce Stress Part 10: Coping With Stress With Positive Thinking”

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How to Reduce Stress Part 9: Making Good Decisions Keeps You In Control

When you are younger most of your decisions are made for you by others.  As you get older, you are making more of your own decisions, and along with that privilege come the responsibility for the consequences for each of those decisions.  Life is all about choices, and we all learn that it is about every choice that we make. 

If we choose to eat poorly it will affect us both short term and long term.  Choosing who we will be our friends, what parties we will go to, what and how hard we study in school, and will we say yes or no when faced with smoking, drugs, and personal relationships.

One thing I have learned about decision making is that when we are faced with making a decision very quickly, without time to think about it, our thought process may not always be in line with what our goals are.  Other factors like peer pressure and our emotions may sway us to do things we may later wish we had not done. Thinking ahead and deciding what we will do if put in a certain situation will help us make better decisions when faced with other pressures.

Deciding if our choice or decision is good or bad can easily be summed up in this question, Is it the right thing to do?  We will know or have that feeling in our gut if others will be put in danger, disrespected or hurt physically or emotionally.  We know if we are breaking laws, lying, or making things worse for our friends or parents.  We can examine ourselves to see how we will feel when the decision is carried out and if we will be letting others down including our parents and ourselves.  All of this takes time and needs to be thought about ahead of time.

In business, the process for making quick decisions goes like this:

  1. What is the core issue
  2. What are the facts that will effect this decision
  3. Step back! Do I have to make this an immediate choice?
  4. Visualize the outcome.  What are the consequences?
  5. Follow through with the decision and carrying it out.

 

In our personal life in those moments when a quick decision needs to be made, these are good questions too.  Making good choices will certainly reduce the stress in our life, and the bad consequences that we will have to deal with, if our choice is not the best for us.  Finally, if you make a bad choice, deal with the consequences and learn from it.  It is not the end of the world, and if we continue to beat ourselves up over a bad decision, our stress levels will continue to rise.

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How to Reduce Stress Part 8: Don’t Try To Be Perfect!

Do you try to live in the Town of Perfection?
I would like to start this article off with a copy of a post done by a young lady that wrote about being a perfectionist and the affect on her life.  Now before you read this, be assured this is not out of the norm.  This past year I was a part of a forum on stress at a local high school, and just the idea suggested by the panel that it was OK to be less than perfect in all aspects of your life, and that you would still get into a good college, was met with an uproar that was just as if we suggested that the students Facebook accounts should be discontinued forever.

 

Here is the link to the transcript of  Inside the Mind of a Teenage Perfectionist

The results of demanding perfection of yourself in your academic, sports, social, societal life is damaging to the mind, body and spirit.  These affects may have life-long consequences.  Here is some of what we see when we demand perfection:

Low self-esteem, Depression, Anxiety (performance, test, social),  Health problems (ulcers, migraines, etc), Strained relationships, Loneliness, Frustration, Anger, Eating Disorders and Body Image Issues, Worry, Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors, Substance Abuse

Trying to be perfect is exhausting.  It is a challenge that will never be, well ‘perfected’.   In the words of John Wooden,  “Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”  (In case you are not aware of Mr. Wooden, his college basketball team won 7 straight national championships and national championships in 10 out of 12 years with this philosophy.)

Don’t try to be perfect. Here are 5 Lessons  Continue reading “How to Reduce Stress Part 8: Don’t Try To Be Perfect!”