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Martial arts helps us be the change you want to see!

As we get into the New Year we wonder what will it be like?  What awaits us in the year ahead?  Will there be problems or will it be full of blessings?  Ghandi in a very famous quote said, ” Be the change that you want to see in the world.”  Many times we are what we see.

There is a story that goes something like this.  One traveler getting close to a city stopped and asked an old man by the road what the people were like in the city ahead.  He was asked what were they like in the city you just came from?, and he was told they were untrustworthy.  The old man said, “You will find them to be the same in the city ahead.”

A second traveler came by the same old man and asked the same question.  Yet he found the people in the previous city to be warm and generous, and the old man said, “You will find them to be the same in the city ahead.”

The way we see others, the way we live our lives is what we will see in others.  If I am a critical person, I will most likely see others as being critical.  If I am a trusting person, I am more likely to view others as trustworthy.  If you change yourself and become the person you desire to be, you will begin to view others in a whole new light and that will change how you interact in all of your relationships.

Practicing the martial arts opened me to better ways of looking at myself and others, being kinder and accepting of where we are at this very moment and growing from there.  It does this by leading us in  incremental improvements that lead to quite impressive results.  But you must experience it to understand it.

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3 keys to communication in the family

When I talk to our students about Teamwork I point out to them that the most important team that we are on is our FAMILY.  No other team needs the cooperation and vision that our family needs for long term success of all members.  Of course the leaders of that team is Mom & Dad.  While every team leader has different responsibilities, there are a couple of foundational standards that are true for all teams and especially families.

1.  Be consistent. Whether it is setting the rules, the making of decisions or in keeping our word, consistency is one standard that team members depend on.

2.  Be clear. Set forth what the values, morals and ethics are for your family.  Setting these expectations make it clear to all what is expected and it is much easier to follow a leader with clear expectations.

3.  Be courteous. By showing respect for everyone in your family, even the child that is giving you the hardest time at that moment, as a leader you are setting the tone for the family.  Everyone in the family is watching to see how you will deal with the member of your team that is not following the rules, determining for themselves how they will be treated.  Trust and respect can be gained or lost based on our being courteous to one another.

Teams / Families always reflect their leaders.  As the leader of our team / family we set the tone for respect being shown to each other and to those on the outside.   By setting the example with consistent, clear, and courteous communication with our team, the team will be more willing to participate and voice their thoughts and feelings, which in the end is what all parents want to have with their children.

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Goal setting: Fall down 7, Get up 8

One of the most difficult parenting challenges we have is seeing our child fail at a task that we know that they really want to achieve.  In fact many parents have a tendency to do everything in their power to not allow their child fail – at almost anything.  We have discussed before how important it is for children to learn that failure is part of life and that we can reorganize and try again.  I am reminded of Thomas Edison, who after his factory burned to the ground said something to the affect of, that now they could get started on some new and better ideas.

This is a good time of the year as we look at what we have done this year and see the areas of our own failure to reach a goal to evaluate how we will react.  Our own reaction will teach our children how to reevaluate and move forward.  Take a look at this acronym and use it as a guide to moving forward.

F – finalize your goal

O – order your plans

R – risk failing by taking action

W – welcome mistakes

A – advance based on your character

R – reevaluate your progress continually

D – develop new strategies to succeed

If you stay determined, and are willing to get up when you have been knocked down, you will achieve not only your goals but also your dreams.

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Do Not Neglect Your Family in the Name of Success

Developing our personal meaning of success and then planning and acting on those plans is something that happens for individuals at different times in their lives.  For me I knew what success would mean, helping others and especially young people.  In so doing, as I got older I realized that it meant helping young parents too.

One thing I have learned on this journey though is that most important while on our path is our family.   I have seen some who have sacrificed their own family for reaching personal goals, and quite frankly it is never for the best.  There have been very few people in the world who have been successful without the support of a strong and close family.

Having those strong relationships continue to remind you what is really important.  It was when having our first child that I really started to develop my present idea of what my goals in life were and what success looked like for me.  It is with those relationships that I am really able to enjoy the journey and share the benefits with them.  So if you have a family, be sure that you are not neglecting them as you pursue your goals, career and service to others.

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2011: Success is not perfection

As we draw near to the end of this year many of us are looking back at the year to see where we succeeded and reached the goals we set for ourselves and where we failed to do so.  Lester Thurlow once said, ” You can lose, or, if you want to win, you can change.”

As we make plans for this new year, as we set goals, one of the goals we should avoid is creating the perfect plan or even trying to reach that ultimate goal.  I once had a business coach that kept telling me that if I had the product 70% ready I should roll it out.  Don’t wait till you have it perfect.  I think I understand that now.  If you want to succeed, you are never finished.  Success is in the journey, it is in the process.

Every time you fail, it simply gives you another opportunity to begin again, to be better than last time.  It is simply a milestone on your road to success.  We do not have to be perfect, we simply have to continue to adjust and keep moving.  If we surround ourselves with those that expect more of you than you do yourself we will stay on the success journey.

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Free perfect gift to give to our children

In the book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John Maxwell writes;

“We should work on changing ourselves before trying to improve others.”

Working to improve ourselves is a full time job.  In fact so much so that my mentor and instructor, Mr. Tom Callos has many times said to me and others, that whatever it is that you need to work on for yourself, you should bring your students along and have them work along with you.

Every time that I research or write about a subject, I find myself looking at myself and finding ways for me to improve in those areas.  Whether we are a parent, instructor or a 7 year old with a younger sibling, all of us have a responsibility to ourselves and to those looking up to us.  That responsibility is not just to tell them what to do, but to demonstrate in our daily lives how to do it.

Yes we are going to fail from time to time, but that is a lesson for them too.  When I fail what shall I do?  Fall down 7 get up 8.   The gift that all of us can give our children, students and others in our sphere of influence, is being a good example.