Posted on

Using Failure as a Growing Tool

A series of post's on leadership in the familyWatching your son or daughter trying to accomplish a task that brings with it a reward that they want very badly is very hard for a parent.  In our school as a child is demonstrating their jumping rope, performing a form or some other skill, many parents have told me they have sat on the side holding their breath, hoping for success.  For all parents though just this one thought:

Success does not mean avoiding failure.

In fact, with the right attitude, failure is neither fatal or final.  It can be the springboard to success.

All of us fail.  The only way we will not fail is if we do not try anything.  The question is how will we fail?  How will we view mistakes?  If we are to be a success we must learn to fail in the forward direction.  In other words our mistakes must not get inside our head and stop us from giving it another try.

When we are teaching our children about success –  we can also teach them about the power of failure.  Learning from their mistakes, thinking about how to improve ourselves and the situation, focusing on the rewards of success will keep our children and ourselves from becoming negative in our attitude and mind.  Failure can be a great learning experience, an opportunity for growth and character building experience.

Posted on

Listening Required to be Fair

If one part of fairness means that we will not blame others for mistakes that we make, then it must also mean that we will not judge others until we listened to all sides of the story.  Frank Tyger is quoted as saying, “Listening to both sides of a story will convince you that there is more to a story than both sides.”

Being sure that we listen to everyone, allows each person to have their say from the point of view that they saw the events.   Our personal perspective is always colored by our past experiences, what we want to be true, and relationships.

Being a leader though requires us to listen carefully, ask questions, respect the views of others, in order to make all things fair.  While true for all people and situations, this is especially true for parents as we deal with siblings and friends.  Our children will have their view of what took place in a disagreement and many times we will have either pre-determined who did the bad deed,  or we feel like we do not have the time to listen to all the details and just punish everyone.

Neither is fair, and teaches our children that they do not have to listen to all sides before making a decision.  Setting this example of fairness

will help our children make better judgements of situations and people as they grow up.

Posted on

Fairness: Doing our fair share

If saying please and thank you are the first manners that parents teach their children, then sharing is very close to the top of the list also.  When we share it makes things fair for everyone involved and it is a way of developing relationships.  As our young children learn about sharing, there will be times when it is easier than other times, times when they want to and times when they would rather not.

One idea of sharing though that may be overlooked from time to time, is the idea of “doing our share”.   It is valuable for every child to feel like they are a part of the team / family.  Now if we worked on a team at school or at work and one person on the team had no responsibilities that person may not really feel that they were part of the team.  They had no role to play or actions to take.  They would be left out.

The same is true with our children.  It is important for them to be a part of the team and to share in the activities / chores that the team does.  Taking part on the team in this manner will teach them to share the responsibility for the work that needs to be done, their part in chores and a sense of belonging to something bigger than just themselves.  Doing your fair share is very important for every family member.

Posted on

Five Element Qigong class

I would like to introduce the Balanced Life Skills community to Corey Hopp.  Corey has been living in China for the past year and a half studying Wudang Daoist Kung Fu.  He is preparing to return to China at the end of March, but in the mean time has offered our school the special opportunity to learn about Qigong (chee-gong)  a healing art including deep breathing and meditation.

On the website linked here, Corey is the 9th student from the left.  It is very cool to have a visiting instructor and we would like to invite any of the parents and others to come in during at the times listed HERE to for a demonstration class during the week of February 14th at no cost.  Starting the week of February 21, there will be a small charge for the classes that will last one month – prior to Corey returning to China at the end of March for more training.

This is a great opportunity to learn about this art and health form that I am sure everyone who takes part in will enjoy.

Posted on

Fairness and healthy competition

It is almost always in the matter of games and competition that we hear the call of that’s not fair.  We live in a society that winning is very important, so much so that sometimes there are those that will do almost anything to win, even to the detriment of their reputation or even health.  It starts at an early age playing a board game, when the rules are not completely understood or there is an intense rivalry between players.  Someone may be tempted to skirt the rules for the sake of “winning”.

When that happens it is not fair to the other players, and many times causes resentment among the competitors and most certainly create a situation that is not fun for others.  In teaching fairness I believe that first we the parents must have a healthy attitude about competition.  Our children learn from us “how important winning is”, and how we should react when we lose.  We may have to reduce the amount of playing time we play individually as we work on our competitive attitude.

Here is a simple fact of life that all children must learn and adults need to remember.  Life is hard, sometimes we will lose, and many times it will not seem fair.  The sooner we teach our children that life is not just about being first, winning at all cost, and having more than others – the better prepared they will be for the real world, in a healthy way.

We do this by setting the example for them.  Not comparing ourselves with others, or demonstrating a jealousy over what another family has or is doing.  Fairness is not about competition, it is about getting what we need and deserve.

Posted on

Maintaining the trust of our children

A series of post's on leadership in the familyWe all know the importance of trust and integrity in our relationships.  There is no place where that is more important than in the relationship that we have with our family members and especially our children.   Warren Bennis  said in his book that integrity “is the one quality that cannot be acquired but must be earned.”

It is as Stephen Covey talks about, like a bank account.  We build it a little at a time by what we say and do.  We can make withdrawals too, by not living up to our word or doing what we say we are going to do.  Interestingly though, like in a construction project, it is easier to tear something down than it is to build it up.   In regard to our children, they come into the world trusting us to the fullest.  They depend on us for everything.   So we want to do everything possible to maintain that trust and belief in our integrity.

How do we maintain and build that relationship?  By saying what we mean and mean what you say – everyday.  Our position of leader of the family is based on our ability to be consistent with our word.   By not threatening an act you have no intention of following through on, by following through on every rule you have set and agreed to with your family, will allow you to grow the respect for each other in the family and set an example that others are willing to follow.