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Bully Project: A Film Worth Supporting

Following five kids and families over the course of a school year, the film confronts bullying’s most tragic outcomes, including the stories of two families who’ve lost children to suicide and a mother who waits to learn the fate of her 14 –year-old daughter, incarcerated after bringing a gun on her school bus. With rare access to the Sioux City Community School District, the film also gives an intimate glimpse into school busses, classrooms, cafeterias and even principles offices, offering insight into the often-cruel world of children, as teachers, administrators and parents struggle to find answers.

Balanced Life Skills is committed to helping our community face the issues of bullying by teaching and promoting peace and non-violence. Our Verbal Self Defense being taught in our classes helps bring confidence to our students.

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How to talk to your child about “Sexting”?

Whenever I have heard of a situation where a child has been sending mean or lewd messages to other students the parents are always the last to know.  The last thing we want to have happen to us as parents is to learn that our child has either been sending or receiving messages with photos of themselves or others that would put them in a compromising position.  So what can we do?

As a parent we must be careful not to react in a manner that would make our child less likely to talk to us about any of these subjects, so how do we make sure that they have the real information on the impact of “sexting” with their friends?

Talking about the subject ahead of time is always the best route.  At least then we have a starting point so that in the future our child knows where we stand on the subject and they have accurate information.  One thing you may consider is when giving your child a phone with texting capabilities that we set some ground rules, not just on the amount of usage (dealing with cost) but also on what is appropriate and why.  Start by showing them this video:

We may ask them some questions as a starting point and then let them understand where we stand on the subject. Continue reading “How to talk to your child about “Sexting”?”

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Basic Rules & Pledges for Online Safety for Parents to Teach Children

Here are some guidelines for parents and discussion points as your children start getting on line and being part of the world wide web community.

  1. Without permission of your parents do not give out any personal information.
    1. address, phone number
    2. parents work address or phone number
    3. name of your school or the location of the school
  2. Teach your child that if they come across information on any websites that makes them feel uncomfortable – they are to tell you about it immediately.
    1. this is in the case that they somehow get on a site by accident or have been redirected
  3. Under no circumstances or for any reason including promises should you agree to meet someone or get together with someone that you meet online without checking first with your parents.  Then if they agree the meeting should take place in a public place and your parents should come along.
  4. Never send anyone online your photo or anything else without first checking in with your parents.
  5. Teach your child that if they receive a message that is mean or is harassing, or a picture that is uncomfortable they are to let you know right away.  Reassure your child that it is not their fault and then as the parent you may contact the authorities and or the online service.
  6. Finally set up rules for going online, such as the time of day, how much time you will be on the computer and appropriate areas for your child to visit.
  7. Have the computer that your child will be using in a public area of the house so that you are able to see what your child is doing while online.
  8. Have an understanding that if they break the rules or access areas without permission that you the consequences are as you have set them out.

Keeping your child safe is your first and most important requirement as a parent.  Talking about these rules ahead of time and on a frequent basis will show your child how important this subject is to you.  They may protest at times and say they do not like it or see it as an invasion of privacy, but in the end they will appreciate you having their best interest at heart and recognize your concern for their safety.

One of the best things you can do is sign an agreement with your child about their conduct online.  Here are age appropriate ones that you may want to use.
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What parents can do about childhood bullying?

In general, bullying behavior in school can be different when dealing with boys and girls.  This is a rather general statement, so there will be times when they can be the same.  While both boys and girls will experience bullying by being made fun of for the way they look, act or speak, boys will experience hitting, pushing and bumping more often than girls.

On the other hand the bullying in school by girls will be an experience of exclusion, having rumors spread, and sexual comments from both boys and other girls.  In fact while boys will target both girls and boys with bullying behavior, generally girls will more often target other girls.  In fact there is a term, relational aggression, that is used to describe their behavior that is so harmful against each other.

So what should we do if we suspect bullying is going on?  This is the time to stay calm and draw them out with questions that may encourage them to speak about their experiences and feelings.  Being aware of changes in their pattern of behavior, such as not hanging out with someone who was a close friend,  or not wanting to go to school, or walk home from school is very important for us as parents.  Many times our children will not want to discuss what is going on, not because they do not want to, but they may be embarrassed or feel like it is their fault.

So when we hear their feelings we must be careful too, not to pass it off too quickly or minimize the bullying by asking them to “just let it go”, or “it will get better”,  or making excuses for the individual that is behaving in a way to hurt the feelings or them physically.  What our child needs may not be advice as much as validation about how they are feeling at that moment.

We will want to allow our child to express how they are feeling, what their concerns are, and do our very best to understand what is going on.  We as parents want to help, in fact sometimes too much, and in so doing we get in the way of our child’s growth and personal development in conflict resolution and learning to solve their own problems that they face.

In the past many of us, including myself have given our children advice on bullying prevention like, “Just ignore the bully”,  “When they start picking on you, just walk away.”,  or “See if you can stay with a group of friends and they won’t pick on you then”.  Kids know that these are quick fix phrases that adults like to use, and while they are valid, there is other work that must be done first.

This is such a difficult thing for us to see as parents, but now is the time to remain calm and respond to our children’s needs and listen to how they are feeling.  The way you listen, hopefully calmly and thoughtfully, will determine if your child will want to or will talk to you about this issue in the future.  Be supportive, suggest that you are willing to help your son or daughter to find some other ways of dealing with the problem of bully prevention.  This is the time to acknowledge with your child that this is a difficult problem and that you know that their is no easy fix, but that you are willing to continue thinking about it and talking to them about how they can solve the problem.

You can and should come back to the conversation and see what sort of strategies your child is trying and what the response of the other person has been.  You are there to help, it just may not be the time to try to jump in and try to fix it yourself.  Now is the time to give your child the tools they need to prevent bullying without your intervention.  Is this difficult?  YES!  In the long run though it is the best and the right thing to do unless there is imminent physical threat.

Want to learn more? Follow the Bully Prevention Tips for Parents here on our Balanced Life Skills Website.  Want help implementing our suggestions: Take part in a complete 14 week program of Verbal Self Defense – that will also include some Zero Tolerance Proof physical self defense, contact us for more information for your child or a group of children.
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8 Steps to Prevent Bullying in the Classroom for Teachers

Every teacher has their own classroom management procedures and they no doubt will fit their particular personality.  The skills listed below are very general principles that apply to any method that you may choose and will have beneficial affects on the classroom and the students as well as the teachers morale.

Rearranging the Environment: There are some personalities that should not sit next to each other in a learning environment.  There may be, depending on the age other arrangements that can be made too, like sitting in a circle or huddled up with the teacher that may be affective.  How we line the kids up or transitions in the class can all be looked at to see if there may be another way for them to be done to reduce bullying.

Establishing Clear Classroom Rules: Setting expectations for students is important so there is no doubt in their mind of what their conduct should be in this environment.   Some may choose to have a set of rules and others may have a single principle that they attempt to live by like, “Do unto others……,  In my classroom I use single words.  Respect, Discipline, Control and Focus are my favorite. They can be asked simply by saying “Does that show respect?”

Being Consistent: Consistencies take on two aspects.  The first is, if you have a rule it must apply to all the children.  That does not mean that you are not sensitive to students who may have special needs.  But in a kind manner the rules and the consequences should be meted out equally.  Second is our own behavior.  As instructors we should demonstrate for our students how to treat others with respect.   We must demonstrate the discipline and control we want them to show.  Students will look at our example to see if we bully or not. Continue reading “8 Steps to Prevent Bullying in the Classroom for Teachers”

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Parents and Teacher Can Correct the Bully Problem in School and at Home

Setting ourselves up for success both as parents and a teachers requires first that we recognized the A,B, C’s of both the good and bad behaviors that we want to either change or continue.  Lets look at what that means: