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Developing empathy in a social media world

There has been much conversation and even studies regarding the effect of social media on our ability to show or feel empathy for those around us. So far many of the studies have seen that both cognitive and affective empathy is improved with social media use. (Clinical Child & Family Studies, Utrecht University, Postbus 80140, 3508 TC Utrecht, The Netherlands). After reading several research studies on this subject, with all of them agreeing to this result I had to ask myself if the results were clinical or the real world. In fact, some even reference a “virtual empathy.”

Continue reading “Developing empathy in a social media world”

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Gifts of Character: Empathy – The Definition

Each month we will discuss one life skill with all of our students. This month’s skill is Empathy. This life skill will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Empathy means: I can imagine how you feel!

Older students: Empathy means: Reading, understanding and responding to other people’s feelings.

We are not your typical after school activity, in fact, we are an education center, working with students on physical self-defense skills while empowering families to bring out the best in our children and ourselves – through the martial arts. We believe every child has 52 gifts in them already. They only need to be taught how to grow and use them in their life. Balanced Life Skills serves parents, teachers and students to reach that goal.

If you would like to see Joe Van Deuren and Balanced Life Skills at work, TRY CLASSES FOR FREE for 2 weeks.

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Unlock peace with these two common beliefs

Our open-mindedness, acceptance, tolerance and appreciation for the differences in our community is the beginning of building peaceful relations and unity. Every person in our community is a part of numerous cultures, with some being more influential in their lives than others. There are cultures created in our homes, work, schools, classrooms, churches, in any group we form or are a part.

It is the mix of all these cultures that influences our views, hopes, humor, loyalties, worries and fears. When we can be open-minded to learning about these influences in those in our community we can also begin to develop compassion for their point of view and find ways to work together. If we want peace in our community and the world, if unity is our goal then rid ourselves of the need to get retribution and step into understanding our neighbors and companions.

One of the first steps in this regard is recognizing the things that we have in common. It is my belief that peace in this world must begin with the family and ourselves. It is in the family that we find the most commonality. All parents want to see their children grow up to be safe, healthy, successful and happy. That is why I have devoted my life in the past 20 years to helping parents bring out the best in our children and ourselves and find the next part of what is common to all humans on the earth.

That second common thing that we share is how we value virtues, gifts of character in each of our cultures. No matter who we are or what culture we come from, there are these virtues that all of us value, though we may see them in different ways. As an example, in one family, community or part of the world the virtue of respect may be practiced in one way and other cultures there may be a different way of expressing respect. The commonality is the virtue of respect.

Here is my invitation. Learn about the Universal acceptance of the 100 virtues we all value. Look for and acknowledge them in others. Grow to understand what we have in common. Teach our children how to balance their virtues so that over developed virtues do not overwhelm those in their families or communities. Find what we value the most and live our life around those virtues.

If you would like to learn more about our commonality in virtues, attend an Introduction to the Virtues Project workshop with me, and you will find yourself leaving the habit many of us have of blaming, shaming and hurting others from not understanding what we all have in common.

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Gifts of Character: Open-mindedness – The Definition

Each month we will discuss one life skill with all of our students. This month’s skill is Open-Mindedness. This life skill will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Open-mindedness  means: I listen, learn and try before I decide!

Older students: Open-mindedness means: To listen, learn and try without prejudice.

We are not your typical after school activity, in fact, we are an education center, working with students on physical self-defense skills while empowering families to bring out the best in our children and ourselves – through the martial arts. We believe every child has 52 gifts in them already. They only need to be taught how to grow and use them in their life. Balanced Life Skills serves parents, teachers and students to reach that goal.

If you would like to see Joe Van Deuren and Balanced Life Skills at work, TRY CLASSES FOR FREE for 2 weeks.

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Connecting gratitude and charity in the family

There are many ways of being of service to those in need. To learn the joy of giving and to get to give without expecting anything in return, we can begin teaching our children to serve / give to those in the family first. Recently I asked students about what their family gave to them, how did their family help them. It was not easy for them to answer the question. Then I asked what do you give to your family, how do you serve them? A few comments about feeding the cat, taking out the trash, even helping with dishes. Better!

Our job as a parent is to mentor and coach our children.  Parents providing “extra’s” for children comes from the heart and but must be careful not to create children who feel entitled to things, praise and protection from mistakes. Coaching our kids to give to the family is a way of teaching responsibility, and they are learning to be charitable to others.

The joys of giving to others begin with gratitude for what others are doing for us. When children appreciate all the extra’s parents do for them, then they can start to learn the joy of doing for others. That is why as a parent we must be careful about over-indulging our children with material things, over-praising them, even over-protecting them from failures and natural consequences.

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Practice charity – Lower your likelihood of dying

When we talk about charity, giving to those in need, it would be remiss if we didn’t also mention that when you are a part of serving others, science has shown that not only are we happier, but we live longer too. Psychology Today reported – “People 55 and older who volunteer for two or more organizations have an impressive 44 percent lower likelihood of dying—and that’s after sifting out every other contributing factor, including physical health, exercise, gender, habits like smoking, marital status, and many more.”

They went on to report the following about kids:

“This may be especially true for kids. Adolescents who identify their primary motive as helping others are three times happier than those who lack such altruistic motivation. Similarly, teens who are giving are also happier and more active, involved, excited, and engaged than their less engaged counterparts. Generous behavior reduces adolescent depression and suicide risk, and several studies have shown that teenagers who volunteer are less likely to fail a subject in school, get pregnant, or abuse substances. Teens who volunteer also tend to be more socially competent and have higher self-esteem.”

Getting our children and students involved in giving to others, finding causes that they care about and learning the joy that comes from serving others will lessen some if not many of the issues that young people face in our world today.

How are you doing as a parent in setting the example of giving our treasures, talents and time to those things that are important to us? How are you helping your young ones to grow their idealism and purposefulness for service? Having service and charity as a part of your family vision will be beneficial to all concerned.