Gifts of Character

July 25, 2011

Life Skills: Goal Setting + Perseverance = Confidence

Teaching Children Life Skills — Teaching character and life skills to students

Marie Curie said, “Life is not easy for any of us. We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”
When you think about the goals you have already achieved you no doubt can look back and say that perseverance played a large part in accomplishing that goal. Maybe it was riding your bike or learning to swim or conquering that math problem. Each goal that you set out to achieve was conquered by doing the little things and not giving up.

It may not have been easy, but now that you know that if you work hard, put in the effort and get coached for knowledge and skill, you can accomplish anything that you set out to do. This is important for every aspect of our life, including our academics, social or work we want to do on ourselves emotionally. Step by step, little accomplishments when strung together with perseverance results in great achievement. Great achievement will build confidence for the next goal that you want to reach.

In our next article on perseverance we will look at what to do when we do not think our child puts forth enough effort to reach goals and helping them learn about goal setting. This will be a great way to start the new school year.

July 20, 2011

Life Skills: Answer the Question Why to Teach Children To Persevere

The R in SPARK stands for REASON. If we are going to persevere to reach a goal knowing why we want to do something gives us a great deal of push to accomplish that goal. Part of goal setting should always include the answer to WHY. Any goal worth reaching must move us in a way that we feel that it wouldn’t just be a nice thing to have happen – but rather – we must.

For an example if someone wanted to lose weight. Answer the question WHY first. What will losing this 15 pounds do for me, save me from, or affect my life? How will my children be affected? How will I feel? What will I be able to do that is hard for me now? Why is this important?

Getting the reason firmly planted in our mind and heart will keep us going when the hard days come and it is difficult to stay on our path to our goal. Asking ourselves the right questions will move us to continue taking action.

In the next month I will be writing about the questions we need to ask ourselves to be sure we stay on the path to reach our goals.

July 20, 2011

Life Skills: Persevere to Your Goals By Getting Knowledge & Skills

The K in SPARK stands for KNOWLEDGE. Wanting something or wanting to do something and knowing how to get to that goal surely are two different things. I may want to rock climb, but if I have no knowledge of the techniques, tools or where to go, it is not likely that I will become a successful rock climber.

If I seek out a skilled teacher though who guides me with the basics, shows me what equipment would be good for me to have and takes me to a place to practice, now I will start to have the knowledge and skills I need to reach my goal. The same is true for any practice that we would like to take up, whether it is computer science, playing a game, or learning how to study.

Part of gaining knowledge and skills though is our willingness to be coached. When I have a student that is ‘coach-able’ I am speaking of someone who will listen to the suggestions (new knowledge) and then try to put it into practice. While it is good to ask questions of your coach to gain deeper knowledge, it is not good to question the validity of the suggestions made by the expert (why do I have to do this?). We may not understand how this change or suggestion is going to help us reach our goal, but if we practice soon enough we will see how it helps us with details later.

When dealing with children or anyone new in a practice, getting the basics is key to the building blocks. It has been suggested by some researchers that unless gross motor skills are developed in children before they are asked to perform fine motor skill tasks – they will never reach their greatest potential. The same is true in math, reading, studying or leadership. Gaining knowledge and skills in the correct order will help us maintain our perseverance to complete our goals.

July 20, 2011

Life Skills: Teaching Children Perseverance by Taking Action

The A in SPARK stands for ACTION. Before we can persevere we must take the first step – we must act on our goal – even if we are uncertain of the outcome. Not being afraid of taking action, or afraid that our action may not yield the result that we hoped for is an act of courage and confidence.

As a parent we can praise the effort or the actions that our child has taken to reach their goal. We can also teach our children how to break down a very large goal into smaller steps and accomplish them one by one in a consistent manner – with the end result being reaching your goal. In our martial arts training we may want to reach a goal of being able to do 50 push ups on our toes without stopping. To reach this goal we need to break it down into do-able steps.

doing perfect pushups develops perseverance Here is how we might reach that goal by taking action.
1. commit to doing 5 good push ups 5 times every day. (using a timer allow 10 minutes between each set of 5)
2. after one month start doing 10 push ups in the same pattern. (at first this may be a little hard, but soon you will be able to do it without any problem)
3. continue adding 5 every month to your set and if you persevere, you will be able to do 50 in less than one year.

The key to this is you must take ACTION 6 days per week and not skip days. You must persevere!

July 19, 2011

Life Skills: Teaching Children Perseverance by Finding Their Passion

The P in SPARK stands for PASSION. Developing passion in our children is something that we all would like to see happen. Sometimes we see a child who seems passionate about a sport or another activity, but find out it is really about their friends being there and not really passion. On the other hand we may have a child who does not seem to be interested in anything – and isn’t that frustrating, especially if we feel like all they want to do is sit and …..(fill in the blank)

Our job as a parent is to expose our children to a variety of activities and interests. While we may find one child interested in reading or math – another child may have a passion for one particular sport or activity like horseback riding or nature. Some children will thrive with competition and teams while others would rather do something by themselves. The martial arts if taught in a manner that does not promote competition may be a perfect fit for someone who does not want to compete. If we are not sure where their head is at, we can keep trying by listening to them and paying attention to what appears to make them happy. Then you can do what you can to expose them to and promote their interest.

One word of warning though. Not all children will be interested in the same things and certainly not interested in what the parents may want them to be interested in. Trying to find what our child is passionate for calls for a certain amount of non-ownership, allowing the child to express themselves and then doing what you can to support their interest.

One small side note: One of my children, the youngest, showed an interest in books and films. He would spend hours reading and watching films. As he was exposed to that world more and more he eventually went to college for creative writing and now has a book published. I can tell you that understanding the level of that passion and watching him go to a college for writing is hard for a parent – but one that has resulted in a very happy young adult.

July 19, 2011

Life Skills: Teaching Children Perseverance by Demonstrating Support

Teaching our child to persevere in any activity calls for S.P.A.R.K. We have talked to our students about the how this works, but here are some thoughts that we can look at from a parents point of view. The S in SPARK stands for SUPPORT.

Our showing of support for our children gives them permission to be creative and affirmation of a parents interest in their activities. Supporting them in word and action motivates the child to give extra and to do their best. In a time when we find ourselves running from one ‘activity’ to another, we must remember to take our time to have an interest in the child’s progress and encourage the effort that they are putting into their goal. On the other side, not over emphasizing the belt, trophy or winning will allow the child to have failures and still feel like a success for the effort. As in everything effort will pay off with reaching goals when we persevere and have support from others.