Gifts of Character

November 6, 2013

Should We Keep This Friendship Or Back Away?

Friendship is one of the most precious gifts that we can give or receive from another. But for the friendship to thrive it must be of value to both parties. In fact if the friendship becomes one-sided – if you are the one that is reaching out or being asked to always do for the other – it may be a sign that the friendship does not have an appropriate give and take. This sort of demand of one party over the other may be an indication that there is an imbalance in the relationship.

For adults we may begin to tire of the giving or we may just feel calmer or happier when we are not around the other person who is always taking from us. If we are a child, we may notice that the other person is demanding all of our time and attention. They may want to play their games only or they may not share very well.

When this happens it may be time to broaden our scope of relationships and look to find those that treat us with respect, are honest and are there for us when we need them. This does not mean that we need to have some kind of big talk with the other person, whether we are an adult or a child. It may mean that we just need to back away a little and take a little break.

There may be times though that we will want to have a talk about the relationship. If this is the case, remembering to be honest and assertive with respect, but not critical, is key to having this kind of conversation. In dealing with kid’s relationships we want to remember that just because we enjoy the company of the parents, does not mean that our kids are going to be or have to be friends. Keeping our adult relationships adult and our kids friends their friends is much healthier for our kids than trying to force them to be friends with someone they do not like or have little in common with, except their parents that like each other.

October 30, 2013

Life Skills: Friendship – The Definition

Each month we will discuss a life skill with all of our students. This month the word is Friendship. This word will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Friendship means: “We care and share about each other.”

Older students: Friendship means: A relationship we choose based on mutual interest, fun, respect, and trust.

Each age group has a worksheet that parents can use to continue the discussion at home with their children, and one for adults to allow them to think more deeply about the skill and how it applies to them. Would you like to receive the worksheet? Stop by our studio at 133 Gibralter Avenue in Annapolis, MD and tell us the age of your child. We will give you a worksheet and invite you to watch Mr. Joe discuss the word with the students in class. You can also follow our discussions here on this website.

If you would like to become a member of Balanced Life Skills, come TRY CLASSES FOR FREE. We are not your typical martial arts school, in fact we are an education center, working with our students on physical skills along with empowering families with compassion, awareness and respect. We believe in every child and build their self – confidence. Balanced Life Skills takes part in community service and encourages each student to do the same.

Come in and talk to the parents that are here and watch the class for the age group you are interested in. Learn about the Balanced Life Skills Way.

October 23, 2013

Focus On Others Is Empathy

While we have spent a considerable amount of time discussing the needs we individually have to focus on our goals, to use focus to get our work done, and learning how to put distractions aside – today I would like to think about the need to focus on others. It is important that we focus on ourselves but there is also a need to consider the feelings, needs and requirements that others have.

Can you imagine being a parent that put their interests first, even before their children? Or to work for a employer who was not able to appreciate the needs of an employee who had a family member who was sick? Understanding that we are all inter -related, that my actions affect others in my circle of influence, even affecting those that we may never meet or know that we are affecting.

Here is an example. If I own a business that pollutes the water, I will be effecting many others down stream of my business. On a more personal note, there are studies that say that if every American chose to skip eating meat one time per week, there would be enough grain to feed the entire world. If we focused on others by being aware that they may have circumstances or events taking place in their life that we do not know about, may change the way we react to them if they were short with us in conversation.

Focus on others is really just another way of say, . When a new student comes into your classroom or our school – ask yourself, “What would I want others to do to make me feel more wanted or valued? How can I make this person feel more welcomed?” If you are a child that sees someone being picked on, “What would help make them feel better, right at this moment and can I provide this for them?”

Focus on others is Empathy.

October 21, 2013

Distractions That Keep Us From Achieving Our Goals

Losing our focus on our goals can not only be frustrating, it can put our goals out of reach and even worse, our lack of focus can become a habit. There is an interesting quote from Will Durant that says, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”

Losing focus on our goal or our assignment that we are working on can happen with simple things that get in the way. We may get distracted checking email, text messages, social media, watching a video or going off on a wild search on a search engine. When we allow ourselves to get constantly distracted by outside happenings, it can become a habit or a way of doing things.

When we set a goal for ourselves to accomplish a certain task we may need to use several focusing techniques. We may create a list, prioritize, set a timer, take a few deep breaths – what ever we need to do to stay on task. If we lack focus we are less likely to accomplish what we want most to accomplish and really get frustrated.

At that point we may want to ask ourselves if there are other issues that we need to look at. – fear of failure, success, someone getting angry with us? Are we angry about an unresolved issue? Do we need to look deeply at our life so we can get focused on our greatest dreams and cares?

Focusing on our goals will bring accomplishments and failure to do so will create consequences that will not feel so good.

October 14, 2013

The Connection of Stress, Focus & Time Management

Stress is felt by individuals of all ages. When asked about stress in their lives, 9 year olds and up all admitted that the number of activities they had and deadlines to meet all brought not just stressful feelings, but created an inability to focus on one thing at a time. As we investigate that even further though, not focusing was really exasperated by a lack of time management.

The lack of time management and organizational skills is really the result of not prioritizing the important things that need to be done. When discussing this with students they have much to do on any given day; homework, practice an instrument, practice martial arts, eat dinner, cleaning their room, chores, playing with friends, etc… Which one should be done first and in what order?

One of the most effective way I have seen for prioritizing is to make your list on any given day of the activities needed to be accomplished and then choose either the one that takes the most time or the one that is hardest for us to do and doing that item first. Once that difficult one is complete everything else seems a lot easier.

Planning also comes into the equation. So many times we may have a project, school or work, and we know it is coming but we procrastinate on getting started until there is no time left and then the stress levels go up and focus goes down. Learning to plan ahead, either with doing a little everyday or setting aside a time to plan, to work on and to complete the project – with some leeway – will reduce the stress and allow us to get other items done that are on our must do list. I often use the Ultimate Black Belt Test as an example of doing a little everyday to create a much larger result. Part of the test was 52,0000 push ups and sit ups. If you miss a week you are 1,000 behind. Do just 150 per day and you complete ahead of schedule.

Planning, prioritizing and getting started is great for relieving stress and improving focus.

October 3, 2013

Life Skills: Focus – The Definition

Each month we will discuss a life skill with all of our students. This month the word is Focus. This word will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Focus: “I concentrate really hard on one thing at a time – and don’t let anything distract me!”

Older students: Focus means: ”Using laser-like concentration even when there are distractions.”

Come in and talk to the parents that are here and watch the class for the age group you are interested in.